Plain Pain: A Niall Horan Fan Fiction

Chapter 17

To lose someone doesn't always mean that you'll have to end up broken hearted. It doesn't mean that your life is over because maybe the person you lost had wasn't always good for you. Yet no matter how much you tell yourself you're better off without that person, you'll always end up missing them, simply because you got used to their company, their presence, and you're not willing to meet other people. You're not willing to replace them and that only means you still love them. You're still not ready to let them go, but you know you're left hopeless when it's them who pushed you out of their life. That was a summary of how I felt at the moment, and the pain was eating me alive.

Somehow, I still managed to go to work everyday with a smile on my face for the past three weeks. I felt -- empty. Like there was always something missing in my life and I knew, for sure, that that 'something' was Niall. The fact that we both lived in the same small town didn't really help either because we did bump into each other a couple of times and every time I saw his face, I was reminded by my mistake, but was telling the truth really a mistake? Maybe the mistake was trusting him. 

I wasn't in quite a specific emotional state. I felt like I did the right thing by telling him how I felt, that way I got to know what his true colors were. I felt like I could actually continue my life without him, but every time someone tried to get close to me, I always ended up pushing them away, I didn't want to replace Niall though I knew he was never going to come back, I was lost. 

Nothing happened between the two of us, and by nothing I mean, absolutely nothing. When we just so happened to run into each other, neither of us paid any effort into saying a mere 'hello'. He didn't even look at me and that hurt. I promised myself to get over him and to forget about him and I was doing an okay job for the past three weeks ever since I flew back to Ireland, but for some reason, I still  cried myself to sleep almost every night since our 'disaster date'. I felt so strong and able yet so vulnerable and weak. All I knew was that I needed someone, and not just anyone, I needed Niall.

'No, Niall's never coming back so get over it because you're stronger than that.'

A voice rang through my head and I smiled, knowing that was something Louise would say. Speaking of Louise, the two of us thankfully never broke contact. I wouldn't call her my best friend because somewhere in my heart, I believed that Niall still occupied that space, but she was like the older sister I never had.  She gave me her number before I left London and we promised to text everyday and Skype whenever she had the time because she was quite the busy woman, and I completely understood that. 

I heard my phone beep and chuckled at myself bitterly because for a second there I actually let myself believe that it could've been Niall. I turned around and stretched my hand out, grabbing the phone from bedside table. I squinted as I unlocked my phone, adjusting my eyesight and reading the text I had just received from Louise. It said,

""Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit." Napoleon." 

Every morning she would send me a different, inspirational quote that never failed to make my day. Those quotes always left me thinking, and every time I came up with the same conclusion, which was that I shouldn't give up. I shouldn't quit, I shouldn't breakdown or feel sorry for myself.

Locking my phone, I sat up in my bed and threw my phone back on the nightstand. I ran a hand through my hair and yawned before rubbing my eyes frantically. It was already 11:29 AM. I usually took thirty minutes to get ready for work so that meant I had to move quickly since work started at 12 and ended at 4 pm. I knew I had no time for a shower so I just washed my hair and blow dried it before getting dressed. I pulled my hair up into a pony tail and grabbed my mini backpack that was sitting on the floor next to the vanity. I packed some spare change because sometimes I showered at school, and then grabbed my phone. I zipped my bag and was ready to go.