𝗜𝗳 𝗜 𝗗𝗶𝗲 𝗧𝗼𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗼𝘄 🤍

•𝗢𝗹𝗱 𝗛𝗮𝗯𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝗖𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗜𝗻•

A/N: There will be a flashback in italics.

Also, this is a establishment chapter, it more sets up the story like a lot of my books so not an overly amount of interesting stuff happens but it's needed for exposition 😂❤️

•🗡•

Nikki's POV, November 6th 2004

With how my life started I never thought I'd amount to much, though I always strived to make a name for myself... sometimes that felt fucking impossible and I was so close to giving up on many occasions but I never did... I had to be better than the environment I grew up in. So when I finally started making a name for myself I was so fucking relieved.

I also never thought I'd fall in love, it was something I hadn't even considered in my entire life, so when I found myself falling head over heels in 1982 for a prissy, blonde princess I happened to call my lead singer it took me by complete surprise.

When Vince and I got together in Early 1983 after months of tiptoeing around our very obvious attraction to one another I get like I'd finally moved on from my past, from all the mounds of shit I was out through, I finally felt wanted and loved for the first time in my entire life.

The only thing which stopped that from being 100% reality was the depression that plagued me day and night... I'd fell so deep into a pit of emptiness when I was a teenager and I've never fully managed to get myself out of it... it wasn't a place I wanted to be and I wasn't proud of some of the things I've thought and done.

To elaborate, I've been self harming since I was about 12... it was my wrists initially then when they got too fucked up I started on my legs and just switched between the two locations, I've been doing well the last decade or so not to let harming myself become a habit like it once was, it only really happened now if something particularly bad happened... Vince knew, he found out many years ago and he's tried to help but there's very little he can do.

Things have always been up and down for me, and I know at times it's taken a strain on my relationship with Vince especially when I combined my cutting habits with heroin back in the eighties, I put Vince through so much stress and because of that he relied heavily on alcohol to get him through a day, that just made me feel worse about everything, rehab did me good though, it actually helped with my depression... it stopped me self harming, I stopped for a few years... but I eventually started up again in the early nineties.

Basically, in late '91 and early '92 I hit a wall, my mental health just plunged and this caused Vince and I to argue in early 1992 and ended our relationship because of it which resulted in me firing Vince out of the band out of vengeance but I had nothing to get back at him for... it was my fault we split up back then.

We're okay now obviously but back then I'd been pushing myself from Vince for weeks due to my depression... I just didn't tell him that, I think he knew though but he didn't say it knowing even if he did I'd deny it. He confronted me on why I was distancing myself from him the day after his birthday and I got all defensive and called him some rather uncalled for names, he called me a selfish bastard and said a few other things I needed to hear and that I deserved during that argument, we yelled a number of other expletives at one another before Vince finally has had enough of me and walked out.

Definitely wasn't my proudest moment, or even his... we were both in the wrong in some way and we admit that now.

I shouldn't have shut Vince out and he shouldn't have walked out but he was fed up with me not talking and communicating with him which was understandable so I couldn't blame him, it must have been awful for him to love me and for me to just blank him when he tried to be there for me.