Joker

FOUR - Axel

As soon as I stepped into the classroom, nerves took over every inch of my body. Fun fact: being as high as a kite does not help with the nerves you get when worrying that everyone knows. Of course, I completely trust Avery, and I know that she'd never out me, but I can't help but feel like there are constantly at least a dozen pairs of eyes looking at me, their gazes burning through my skin. Aiden let out a sigh so loud that I heard it from across the classroom. "Axel's-"
"I heard someone say my name?" Relief washed over me when I realised my voice wasn't shaky.
"Right there." Aiden finished.
"How are my wonderful friends on this glorious day?"
"Dude, are you h-" Aiden shook his head at me.
"Hush now, golden boy." I teased
"Will you stop calling me that?"
"Let me think... no."
"I hate you." I know he was joking, but my heart sank at his words.
"Hey girls. Ooh, Avery, I love your hair!" I completely brushed Aiden aside, hoping that if I ignored him, I wouldn't have to feel the way he made me feel.
"Thank you! At least someone noticed." Avery turned to Amaya with a derisive look plastered on her face that left me wondering what possibly could have happened between them.
"Oh, come on!" Amaya whined. "Are you going to hold that against me forever?"
"This is my sister we're talking about; of course she's going to." Aiden seemed to know exactly what happened, but whether he was there or not, I'll never know. He's funny like that. Before I'd even sat properly in my seat, Avery was glaring at me. She raised her eyebrows and her eyes darted from Amaya to Aiden. Knowing exactly what she meant by these gestures, I quickly shook my head. I really didn't want to talk about this right now. It's scary that one day I'll have to tell everyone. There was a brief moment in which I panicked that Avery and Aiden already know, but by the look on Aiden's face, he was completely clueless. I don't know why I can't just say it. Amaya is probably accepting as she's both queer and one of the kindest, most open-minded people I've ever met. As for Aiden, I'm pretty sure he's straight but he clearly isn't be too upset by the idea of people who aren't; I mean, his sister's a lesbian and he doesn't seem at all bothered by it. But then there's biphobia, which I know isn't likely, but is still a possibility. What if Aiden starts treating me differently because he's worried I have a crush on him? I mean, I'd be lying if I said I didn't find him pretty, but like I said, I'm almost certain that he's straight, and I'll respect his boundaries. I'm so lucky to have Avery, because if I didn't, I wouldn't know what to do. I've known for nearly three years, but only a year ago did I finally tell someone, and that's still only one person. Man, I'm a coward. I just wish I was normal. Is it a good thing I don't have parents to come out to? I've seen hundreds of videos from people who recorded them coming out to their parents, and a disgustingly surprising number of them didn't go well. What do I tell Leo? If he doesn't like it, I'm done for. Losing Leo would be the end of my world because he's my only family member. He's been there for me my whole life, and we like all the same things so we're relatively close. When our parents died, he was 14 and I was 8. We were put in foster care for 4 years, but we both hated it. That's why as soon as Leo turned 18, we left. Leo had been saving up since he was 16, so he had enough money to buy a small flat. Now, we live together and both help out to pay bills, buy food, you know, all of that stuff. It's tough, but we're getting by. You must be wondering how on Earth I got into Maple Park. Well, it's quite simple: Oliver and Ophelia. I've been friends with them for as long as I can remember, so they were willing to help when they found out I didn't have the right kind of money to get into Maple Park. They know almost everything about me, like how I started working for Leo's boss when I was-
"Alright class..." It was only as Mrs Davidson began to speak that I realised I'd done it again. I got lost in my own thoughts, completely zoning out and leaving the world behind for a few minutes. I'm glad this is my last year in school, but when I leave, I'm going to be nothing but a lost cause. Oh, God.