Awake My Soul - Ereri

Chapter 10 - Apologies and Scientific Theories

It had been a week since Eren had talked to Levi. All of that time he could feel Levi’s eyes on him whenever the two had passed each other. At times Eren regretted what he did; he shouldn’t have shut Levi out like that. But he had to. Levi would only make the situation worse, besides Levi had made it clear to Eren that he had other people. It’s not like Eren cared. He didn’t care. He cared very much. Who did Levi think he was? Spending so much time with Eren, then telling him that he had other people on the side. He infuriated Eren to no extent, with his his smug attitude, and his always bored expression, and his hair. Eren hated that he really like Levi’s hair, how it always seemed kind of messy, but in a thought out way, because Levi was never messy. He also hated the fact that Levi was a clean freak and that Eren secretly liked the fact that he was, because he thought it was adorable. Eren didn’t know how you could compare Levi to adorable seeming as he could beat you up in three seconds flat. Oh and Eren hated how good Levi was at boxing, how strong he was, especially for his height. He absolutely loathed how short Levi was, and how well he seemed to fit in under Eren’s arm and he hated his body all toned and muscular and his face. Eren couldn’t stand his beautiful blue/grey eyes, that seemed cold but could warm his entire soul when he was looking into them, not to even mention his lips. He absolutely detested those, and the way Levi kissed him, tongues and teeth and hands and Eren really needed to stop thinking about Levi so much. Whatever had happened it was in the past, it wouldn’t matter because whatever was happening between Eren and Levi was over, absolutely, completely over. Besides Eren was still mad at Levi, for probably no reason at all. But hating him was easier than liking him. So hate him it was. During his inner monologue he realised that the milk he had been frothing was bubbling over.

“Whoa Eren. You okay?” one of his co-workers asked.

“Yeah, I just zoned out” he laughed lightly. They nodded. He handed the coffee over to the person waiting and went back to the counter. He saw someone come up to the counter in his peripheral vision.

“Hi, what can I get for you today?” He was looking at the little screen, which he took the orders on.

“Forgiveness.” He knew that low bored voice. He looked up at Levi, who was staring at him sheepishly. Eren frowned.

“Sorry, we’re all out of that today.” He crossed his arms in front of him. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to talk to you.” He said.

“I told you, I don’t want to talk.” Eren stared at him, challengingly. Levi stared back, urging him to speak his mind.

“Now if you’re not really going to order anything, leave.”

“Look Eren, what did I do to you? I didn’t force you into anything, you did it all by your own will. And now I’m trying to be nice, seeing if you’re okay and that’s more effort than I put in for most people, other than my closest friends. And you can’t even pay me the fucking time to hear me out. You don’t want to talk fine, whatever. I’ll leave.” Levi spat, turning around and walking out of the coffee shop, his hands in his coat pockets. Eren just watched him go. 

Levi had tried, he really had. But Eren had shut him down and expected him to be fine with that. Levi wasn’t going to change his personality for one boy. There were plenty of other boys and girls that Levi liked fine, and would work well as a distraction from Eren. Not that Levi needed a distraction from Eren, because Eren wasn’t his boyfriend or anything, they never discussed feelings and they never would. Levi didn’t talk feelings. It didn’t mean he didn’t have them. He did. He just wasn’t one for the mushy gooey talk and the I love you’s. To Levi ‘I love you’ was like a promise. Levi had never been any real good at keeping promises. He was more into the physical and the mental connections between people, instead of the always and forever and shit like that. And it worked for Levi. He’d had good relationships with people in the past. They’d only ended when Levi couldn’t offer them what they wanted. His verbally spoken love. It hadn’t been because he hadn’t liked them in most cases, Levi just wasn’t ready to offer that commitment, and he never would be. He wouldn’t give it to anybody. Especially tall, young boys with brown hair, tanned skin and green eyes. Because there was no way that Levi liked Eren. Absolutely, completely no way. Whatsoever.

He decided he’d go to Hanji’s place and do something. She would help to take his mind off Eren, even if it did end up being with scientific conspiracies. Hanji always had some new conspiracy or discovery when he saw her. If she could be doing more than three sciences she would be, for every subject. Levi didn’t think there was anyone who was obsessed with anything more than Hanji was obsessed with science and experiments and the need to know. Lucky for Hanji, Levi was the only one who could listen to her for more than five minutes and today he was in the need for some fierce distraction. Hanji spent hours delving into her theories and made Levi read at least three papers she had written. He’d just finished the last one.

“It’s good. Really good. Why are you wasting your time at school, you could be already of into the world, you’re too smart for high school.”

“Says you.” She looked at him like he was speaking gibberish. “You know if you actually tried even a little, you could be dux.”

“Why would I want to? Where’s the fun in being dux. Yay I get to become a lawyer like both my parents are, and I can abandon my child like both my parents do.”

“You’re just touchy today.” She said sitting next to him on the arm of the armchair. She put her arm around his shoulders.

“I’m not touchy.” He argued.

“Yes you are and very moody, more than usual.”

“I’m not moody usually!”

“Eh, you are a little, I’ll get you tea.” She said patting his shoulder and getting up. He could hear her boiling the pot and the clanging of cups and spoons. When she brought it back out she gave one cup to Levi and sat down on the couch adjacent to the armchair he was sitting in.

“So what’s got you in a bad mood?” She asked, taking a sip from her tea.

“No one.” Levi realised that he said the wrong thing as soon as it came out of his mouth.

“Who is it?” she squealed excitedly.

“Like I said, no one.”

“Don’t bullshit with me Levi? Who is it?” she demanded.

“Fine, fine, it’s that Eren guy.” Levi said bored, like it hadn’t been eating away at him.

“Oh! Eren!” she exclaims, “I should’ve known that. Why is he too clingy, to committed, too serious, wants a relationship you don’t?” she leans in eager for his reply. Don’t let Hanji’s scientific and analytical side fool you she was a sucker for gossip.

“The opposite, kind of?” He says quiet, taking a sip from his tea and avoiding eye contact.

“Did I hear that right? Does Levi Ackerman actually want a relationship, a serious relationship?”

“I’ve had relationships before, and I never said I wanted one with Eren.”

“Well do you?” Levi didn’t know how to answer the question. In a sense he did, but at the same time he wasn’t sure of how serious a relationship. It wouldn’t matter anyway. Eren hated him.

“I don’t know? It doesn’t matter because he basically hates me now so I mean whatever.” He tried to sound bored with the conversation but Hanji could always see through his persona.

“It matters if you like him.”

“If I like him.”

“Well I mean, you must if he’s got you in a mood like this. You don’t usually pine after people. They don’t like you, you move to the next. But Eren’s got you all worked up, and aggravated. What did he do?” she asked analysing him.

“Well basically he hates me because we got caught and he doesn’t want everybody to know he’s gay.”

“But if everybody already knows?”

“I know, I don’t get it. I tried to help but he just shut me down. Twice. But he’s fifteen and he’s been through a lot-“

“Look at you! You’re head over heels for him.”

“Shut up, idiot. I’m not. I’ve only known him for a few months, you know me, and unless I’m playing around I don’t like people to be too close until I know them well.” He explained.

“But you like him?”

“Who knows, can we talk about something else?”

“Okay. Did you want to hear another theory?”