Awake My Soul - Ereri

Chapter 33 - Confessions of a Lover

When Levi turned down into the corridor where Eren's room was located he spotted Mikasa, sitting in a chair in the hall. She looked up when she heard Levi's quickened footsteps.

"Where is he?" Levi rushed walking towards Eren's room; he went to open the door when Mikasa stopped him.

"Why are you here?"

"I just need to see him, where is Eren?" Levi was rushed, frantic. He was so close, he needed to see him.

"I don't want you anywhere near him, he doesn't need you here."

"Mikasa, what part of I need to see him don't you understand?" Levi clenched his fists.

"I shouldn't have let Petra tell you, I should've known you'd come."

"Would you just let me see him?"

"Go home Levi." Mikasa sounded tired, due to the time he wasn't surprised.

"I just want two minutes, I'll go back to waiting in the foyer after that." He was desperate. Why wouldn't Mikasa just let Levi see him?

"Wait. How long have you been here?"

"Since this morning, just after you called." Levi kept glancing at the door, trying to work out how he could get through that door without Mikasa kicking his ass.

"Really?" She asked, surprised.

"Yes, really. Do you know how hard it was for me to get up here? It was a fucking battle and now you won't let me see him for even two minutes." Levi choked on his last few words turning away from Mikasa. He couldn't let anybody else see him cry today or any day soon. He felt Mikasa's hand rest upon his upper arm and squeeze. She didn't say anything, just stared at the ground. Her other hand was covering her mouth.

"I'm sorry, I've caused enough trouble. I'll leave, can you just tell him that I came by?" He stepped away from Mikasa, letting her hand fall back to her side.

"Levi, Eren's in a coma-"

"I know that! Fuck! Just tell him, okay." He yelled, "Tell him, I'm sorry and it's all my fault. Tell him that I still care about him, that I never stopped. I'm sorry." Levi went to walk away, when Mikasa gripped his wrist, pulling him into an embrace. She was crying, sobbing and holding onto the back of Levi's shirt tightly. Levi wrapped his arms around her. They stood like that for a little while.

"This is all my fault." Mikasa whispered.

"What? How?"

"I said some terrible things to him, Levi. I basically told him to leave; I didn't know he'd been drinking. If I had I would've made him stay. But do you know what? The last thing I said to him was for him to go fuck himself. I'm a horrible sister. Oh my god." And then she started sobbing again.

"Mikasa, listen to me. It's not your fault. You didn't know. He'll be okay, it won't be the last thing you ever say to him." She wiped away her tears and nodded.

"I'd let you in, but the doctors are talking to our parents at the moment, and they told me to leave so they could discuss the likely outcomes." She tried to smile but it came out as more of a grimace. Levi frowned at her and gripped her hand, she squeezed his fingertips before letting go.

"Did you want something to eat? I know hospital food is gross, but I need coffee or something. Besides we have a fair wait until they let us in." Mikasa asked.

"Yeah, I'm starving."

Levi and Mikasa sat down at a table in the hospital cafeteria. When they were settled Mikasa took a sip of her coffee. Her face screwed up.