The Skittle We Never Bit, But Sucked Intimately

Preperation

[The following fanfiction is purely based off of jokes/ideas]
Author's note: There are no Broodles or talking hats because I'm lazy and didn't want to add in a million extra things. This means no Cappy/ Cappy's sister, no Cap or Cascade Kingdoms, and no moons because Mario has a more efficiently powered Odyssey.

Chapter One
Preparation

Princess Peach was all dressed up, looking gorgeous as ever, when there was a sudden knock on the door.
"I'll get it!" piped Toadette, who was helping Peach ready herself for the party. She bounds over towards the door and cracks it open. Standing in the doorway was Mario, looking fine as hell in a red-striped pantsuit and tophat. "Mario, you're early!" Toadette says loudly. "The party doesn't start for another half an hour. What are you doing here so soon?"
"I came to see the princess," he responds, nervously fidgeting with his hat. "I need to talk to her. Privately."
"She's almost done. You can talk to her during the party."
"I don't think this should wait..."
"Well, it's gonna have to. Bye!"
"But-"
Toadette slams the door before Mario could say another word. She skips back across the room with a smile to return to helping Princess Peach fix her hair.
"Who was that just now, at the door?" Peach inquires.
"Oh, it was just Mario," Toadette answers casually. "He wanted to talk to you but I said it would have to wait until the party. It's bad luck to see your girlfriend before her birthday party!"
Peach giggles. "Toadette, that's your wedding, not your birthday party. What did he want?"
"Oh. He didn't say, and frankly I didn't care enough to ask."
"Oh well. I suppose I'll have to speak to him later. Maybe, hopefully, he'll finally propose! Oh, wouldn't that be just the greatest birthday gift of all?" Peach stands up and dances around in her room.
Toadette looks bored and unamused.
"Eh, I guess. I don't really see the point of getting married or having a boyfriend, though. It just seems like a waste of time to me."
"That's just because you just haven't met the right person yet! You'll know him when you meet him, trust me. That's what it was like for me and Mario, at least." Peach closes her eyes and reminisces in this fond memory.
Toadette isn't convinced, not even a little. "Whatever, lady. You can spend your days thinking about a guy who you've been dating for years and still hasn't proposed all you want, but today is finally about you! We've taken extra safety precautions to ensure that stupid Bowser doesn't kidnap you. Again... This will be the safest and funnest party you've ever had in your life."
Peach thinks about Toadette's words for a few seconds and blows them off like they were never even said. "Thanks, Toadette. I know I can always count on you and your brother. Speaking of, how is the captain?"
"Oh, Toad? He's doing great! He took his girlfriend out for dinner last night. I think it went well."
"Captain Toad has a girlfriend? When did that happen? Who is she?"
Toadette shrugs with her whole body; she is very small. "I don't know. He won't tell me, even though they've been together for a year and a half."
"A year and a half?! How come I've never heard of this?"
"Well, I could be wrong, but I have this theory." Toadette gestures for Princess Peach to come closer and lowers her voice to a whisper. "I think Toad might be dating..." she pauses for dramatic effect. "Someone you wouldn't approve of." She gasps at her own statement to make it seem more incredible. Peach looks around, confused.
"...Like who."
"Like I would know, he's your captain!"
"He's your brother."
"Oh, shit, you make a good point. Still, I have no idea. But he knows I tell you everything and he's refusing to tell me, almost like he feels guilty."
"Hmm..." Peach sits back in her chair to think, but Toadette makes her stand up right away.
"Princess, you can't sit now! Your party starts in three minutes, you're going to be late! Go, go, go!"
Peach stands up quickly, lifts up the skirt of her dress so as not to trip, and dashes out the door, not saying a word.