A Love that Stays

Bucket Lists

After ng kasal namin ni Sandro, everything went normal.  I still go under treatment and series of checks ups these past few weeks.  Just yesterday, kinausap kaming mag-asawa ng doktor.  My case was hopeless.  My body is not responding sa mga treatment and stick sa unang taning na binigay sakin.  Sandro encouraged me to try all different treatments and convince me to go abroad to seek other opinions and other available treatments pero pagod na ako. After kase ng nga treatment, imbis na bumuti yung pakiramdam ko mas lumalala yung feeling ko.  I just want to enjoy my remaining days creating more memories with Sandro.

We cried together one day after our last check.

Hindi ko alam how blessed I am to have someone help me carry the burden.

Pagkatapos naming mag iyakan, Sandro asked me to write down my wish list or bucket list.

I smiled when I looked at the things I listed.  Sandro is in supermarket right now buying all foods I want to eat and he just called that he's on his way home.  I cooked our favorite Bicol Express and garlic rice.  Gusto kong pagsilbihan si Sandro sa natitira kong oras.

"Wow! Smells good in here!"

"That's fast!"

"Can't afford another seconds without you." Nilapag ni Sandro yung mga pinamili at agad na tumungo sakin.

Napangiti ako ng maramdaman ko yung pagyakap mula sa likod ni Sandro.

"Hmm.  I cooked our favorite. " I hold his strong arms then I turned around.  Tumingkayad ako para halikan siya. "Go! Freshen up while I set out dinner table."

Nakinig naman si Sandro sa kanya at agad na pumasok sa kuwarto nila.

Nakaramdam ako ng hilo pero binalewala ko. At parang may kung anong hinahalukay sa tiyan ko.

Maya maya at bumalik na si Sandro at umupo sa tabi niya. I successfully composed myself and ignored the ache building on my head and lower abdomen.

"Thank you for this, Bubby.". He kissed me on my cheeks.

I put the food on his plate.

I wished I could have more time with him to do this.

"Kaya bubby, dapat yung mas magaling magluto yung ipapalit mo sakin. Mas maganda, mas maasikaso, at mas mabait." Biro ko sa kanya pero agad na sumeryoso yung mukha ni Sandro.  Nandilim yung kanyang mukha.

"Isabelle-"

"Bubby, it's not inevitable.  I am dying." Putol ko sasabihin niya.

"But Bubby..."

"Sandro, Bubby, as much as I want to be your only woman, I wanted you to be happy.  Find a woman that can make you happy when I'm gone. I will be happy for you.  Build a family with her.  I know you'll be wonderful husband and father." I smiled at him and held his hand, reassuring him that I am okay with him loving another woman when I'm gone.

"Let's eat for now, Bubby. " Pagbabalewala nito sa mga sinabi niya.

"Bubby, promise me first." Sa sobrang childish ko, I wanted him to have pinky promise.

"Hindi unlimited yung apelyido ko, pang isang tao lang.  I will only married once." Pagsusungit nito sa kanya. Iniangat niya yung kamay ko where you can see his promise ring, engagement ring and our wedding band. "See? Should I buy you more ring?"

"But...."

"No more buts, Mrs. Isabelle Riego." Sinubuan niya ako para tumahimik ako.

Sumimangot nalang ako kase there's no way I'll win this from him.

Ang ending, hindi ko na nagamit yung plate ko kundi sinubuan nalang ako ng loko.

"Speaking of the list, are you done with your list, Bubby?"

Excited akong tumango at binigay sa kanya yung papel na pinagsulatan ako.

Isabelle's Bucket List

1.  Visit Batanes and do the "Heart lock thingy"
2.  Write me love a letter
3.  Visit a historical church together

"Only 3, Bubby?" Kunot noo niyang tanong. "Please add more. This is definitely a short short bucket list."

"Oo, baka kase hindi natin matapos pag madami." Biro ko.

Sumeryoso siya at huminga ako ng malalim.

"Sandro, I have accepted my fate.  And you have to accept it too.  Denial will only hurt us. You have to accept that I am not here to stay long."

"Write as much as you can, Bubby.  Don't limit yourself.  Huwag mong opangunahan ang Diyos.  Maybe God will give mercy on us and give us more time together.  I prayed for that everyday."

Hinila niya ako palapit sa kanya at pinaupo sa kandungan niya.  He put his head on my shoulder.

Naramdaman ko nalang na may basa. Liningon ko siya nang mapagtanto ko na umiiyak siya.

"Bubby..." I kissed his nose.

Biglang nagkaroon ng tunog ang pag iyak niya.

"I know I need to be strong for us but I'm scared, sacred everytime we woke up that you'll be gone."

I held his cheeks and look into his eyes intently.  I know he can see the rollercoaster emotions in my eyes.

"Bubby, sometimes I think this is my karma.  I've been too selfish...."

"Shhhh.  You're a good woman, Bubby."

I smiled.

"I don't know what would I do without you, Sandro. Thank you for coming into my life.  You make me the happiest dying woman."

That night nag empake kami ni Sandro to fulfill my first bucket list.