A Love that Stays

Acceptance

I'm 26 years old now and dying but I've never been in Batanes despite that it was my local dream destination.  I don't know why Batanes but it was magical place for me.  I think sunrise and sunset will be the best there.

Hindi na pumapasok si Sandro sa kompanya simula nang ikasal kami.  Binilin muna niya kompanya sa dalawang kaibigan at partner niya para nakasama ako at makompleto yung bucket wish list ko.

Here we are on the small cottage that we rented.  The supplies are completed.  Hapon na noong dumating kami dito sa Batanes.  We are now walking to the beautiful cliff to witness the amazing sunset.

"It's beautiful." I said while looking at the mesmerizing sunset.

"Mas maganda ka." Sabi ni Sandro habang yakap-yakap ako.

"This reminds me that some goodbyes are beautiful. My chapter may end near but I have the most wonderful life with you, Sandro."

Unti-unting pumatak yung luha ko. 

"Isabelle....Bubby.."

"Bubby, let me talk. I'll never know if I'll have a chance to say these things to you."

I smiled.

"Salamat, Bubby.  Salamat kase hindi mo ako iniwan. Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko pa ba tumagal kung wala ka sa tabi ko.  Alam kong madami akong pagkukulang bilang girlfriend, partner at asawa mo.  I've always been selfish.  Laging ikaw, laging ikaw yung nagpapasensiya at umiintindi. You stayed by my side kahit sobrang hirap na."

Patuloy yung pag agos ng luha ko.  Naaalala ko yung panahon na tinataboy ko siya.

"How did I deserve you?"

"Belle..."

"I love you so much, Sandro. So much."

"But I want you to promise me to go on with your life.  Find a better woman and build a family with her."

"Isabelle.." May pagbabanta na sa kanyang boses

"Sandro, alam kong lagi mo tong iniiwasan pero I want you to promise to do this.  Yun lang makakapagbigay ng peace of mind sakin."

"Bakit feeling ko pinamimigay mo ako?"

Humalakhak ako sa kabila ng luha.

"Oo. Pinamimigay kita ng libre."

"I am not for charity, Isabelle Riego. Not for sale too."

"Don't worry, Bubby.  You're mine until my last breath."

"No sense of talking that, Bubby.  I'm yours."

We had an intimate dinner that night on the garden of our cottage.  Mukhang nakisama yung panahon sa amin. The skies are dark but the stars and moon are shining bright. That night Sandro made love to me slowly which drives me crazy.

Hindi na nakapagtataka na late na nagising si Sandro while I woke up at 5am.  Lumabas ako ng cottage at may matandang babae akong nakasalubong sa daan.  I was about to go the cliff na pinuntahan namin ni Sandro.

"Ineng, ikaw ba ay dayo dito?"

"Opo, Manang."

"May Awa ang Diyos, manalig ka lang." Makahulugang sabi ng matanda at patuloy itong lumakad.

Hindi ko alam pero bigla kong naramdaman ang kagustuhan na pumunta sa isang simbahan.  I used to have a closer relationship to God but the past years have been hard and I drifted apart.  Maybe this is a wake up call.

Nagtanong ako sa isang kapitbahay namin kung may malapit na simbahan dito at tinuro ako sa batong simbahan na malapit sa cliff na pinuntahan namin kahapin.  Agad ko naman itong natunton at sa hindi sinasadya, ako lang ang nag-iisang tao sa simbahan.

Lumuhod ako sa harap ng altar at tumingin sa krus na nasa gitna.

"I wouldn't ask why it is happening to me.  Na sa dami-daming taong mas masama sa akin ay ako pa. Gusto kong tanggalin yung mga tanong at galit kung bakit mo kinuha si Anna at bakit ako pa ang may sakit na ganito. Bakit Mo ako pinaparusahan ng ganito? Anak mo rin naman ako Ama.  Hindi ko alam kung bakit pagdating sakin parang tulog Ka.  Bingi ka sa mga daing ko. Sobrang hirap na. Sobra."

"Pero Ama, gusto kong magmakaawa sayo, na kung pwede bigyan mo ako ng pangalawang pagkakataon.  I wanted to live.  Gusto ko pang mabuhay. Pakiusap kahit konting panahon pa. Nagmamakaawa ako sayo."

Huminga ako ng malalamin at patuloy ang pag-agos ng luha mula saking mga mata.

"Pero kung hanggang dito nalang talaga, Ama, maluwag kong tatanggapin ang lahat.  This time, I fully accepted my fate without any questions and rebuttal. I am asking you to please give Mama and Ate a strength na magpatuloy sa buhay.  At si Sandro, please give him ng makakasama habang buhay na aalagaan siya sa paraang hindi ko nagawa.  Sinusuko ko na ang lahat sayo.  Ikaw na ang bahala."

I stayed in the church for awhile and when I already composed myself, my emotions, I decided to go back to our cottage.  Paniguradong hinahanap na ako ni Sandro.

Not sure what happened to me but everything feels lighter.  Like I don't feel the fear of death anymore.  I fully accepted my fate.  Ang gaan sa pakiramdam.

Medyo natagalan pa ako dahil dumaan pa ako sa famous honest store and bought our breakfast.

Pagpasok ko sa cottage ay naabutan ko ang balisang Sandro.  He was pacing back and forth while holding his phone on ear. I realized that he was calling my phone which I left on the dining table earlier.  Sandro found it on the kitchen table and I can see his frustration on his whole being.

He's beautiful despite of dark aura and creased brows.

"Damn it, woman!"

He was about to go out when he found me on the entrance of our door.  Malalaking hakbang ang ginawa niya at agad akong narating.  He embraced me tightly.

"Were you looking for me?"

"Where have you been?! Huh?" Kumalas siya sa pagkakahawak sakin habang nakatingin ng madalim sakin. "I am worried as hell.  I always told you, kapag gusto mong umalis, dapat kasama mo ako.  Paano kung himatayin ka sa daan?"

"Shhhhh.   I am okay m, Bubby.  I am not going soon, Sandro. You need to stick with me." Ngumiti ako. "Pumunta lang ako sa batong simbahan nila. God and I had a heart to heart talk."

"Sana ginising mo ako.  We could go there together. We'll beg him together."

Ngumiti ako ng pilya.

"I can't wake you up.  Pinagod kita e."

"Shut up."

Then he kissed me passionately which ended to another round of lovemaking.
Bakit ba when it comes to lovemaking , I have all the energy.  God, I must be crazy! Crazy in love though.