Irrational

Chapter 52 - Didn't Go To Plan

-5 years later-

You were determined to get Thanos back for what he did to you, to your family. But in every attempt, it nearly cost you someone else and you couldn't risk losing anyone else.

Not to him. Not again.

So you went into hiding. Specifically the cabin in alaska that you and Strange spent the weekend before your entire world came crashing down.

Your powers were out of control, you were out of control and this way you weren't a risk to anyone and no one could irritate you enough to test your patience.

You weren't the only one off the rails...

"Sorry I'll get that stuff cleaned up in abit"

"Barton, chill out. I didn't say you could stay here to hide out between your missions for nothing. Do what you need, you're the only one who hasn't tried giving me a lecture on moving on, so you're more than welcome"

"Right back at you Y/N, thank you for allowing me to grief my family" Clint replies, completely broken.

"You're welcome. I won't lecture you but I will say you need to stop soon Clint. You'll lose yourself, we don't want to lose anymore. Right thor?"

"Y/N speaks wisely Barton. We have managed to keep eachother as sane as one can be." Thor speaks confidently.

Thor had been going back and to, to Asgard for the past 5 years, anything he encountered up there that was green and seemed out of place he'd bring back to Bruce to scan to see if it was Loki.

With Loki always pulling the dead card and being alive elsewhere on him since they were children, that was his way of coping. When Bruce tells him it's not Loki, he came and stayed with you and Clint, till he had the heart to try again.

The frequent visits meant that he got his old godly accent back. It suited him. He was the old Thor in that respect, in every other he was just as broken as the rest of us.

"So what film is it tonight Y/N?" Clint asks as he flops on the sofa.

"I believe its Thor's turn to choose" You say with a grin, Thor hated choosing.

"No, no young Y/N, you choose. I am simply too tired from my latest quest to Asgard. I may rest my eyes for a little while" Thor sits back and relaxes, making you and Clint chuckle.

"Come on Y/N, you choose. I'm not really in the mood for anything so it's really just gonna be you watching." He says sleepily.

"Nothing new there boys, okay what to watch." You scan through the app and come across Grown Ups.

Your heart stops and your eyes instantly fill. You were trembling as you think back to the time Strange put you up in his old apartment with Peter, Pietro and Tony and Tony berated you for putting it on because you recited the entire movie.

You drop the remote with a clang, drawing the boys attention to you. You were frozen to that spot, Clint and Thor look at one another, unsure of what to do.

You rise to your feet and walk outside, you needed to be clear of anything that could harm you, or the boys or the cabin. You had come to terms with staying in there but anything other additional reminders triggered you and it was uncontrollable.

You feel the cold air smack you in the face, it was bitter, sharp and took your breathe away but your body was focused on getting to some free space.

Clint was behind you a few minutes later after he got wrapped up, he tries to approach you with a coat "Y/N you'll freeze out here. Put this on"

"Clint, please go inside. And don't come and get me. I'll come back in a minute but I don't want to hurt you."

Clint quickly understood what was happening and gave you, your space.

You let the tears fall, your body was now numb, inside and out. Your mind was swirling with memories, flashbacks and it pained you.

"I just need you back" you whisper out, through the tears.

"We didn't even get to say goodbye" You break down and fall to the ground, cushioned and crisp as you kneel in the snow.

"It's not FAIRR" you scream out and cause a snowstorm. Harsh winds, baltic temperatures and the feeling of thousands of needles hitting you as the combination of snow and ice hit you.

You scream out again and it echoes through the mountains, then you hear the rumbles, the crashing, the scraping.

An avalanche. You smirked, it gave you something to focus your attention and anger on. So you did, turning to face it, you manipulate the rocks, stopping them in their tracks and use your water power to stop the cascade of snow heading for you.

Sending them into a whirlwind you direct it back into the mountains, collapsing to your knees, gasping for breathe.

You felt better and the cold finally hit you as the numbness eased off.

"So much chaos, yet so controlled" a voice speaks from behind you.

You recognised it, but your tired brain couldn't quite place how or why you knew it. So you look over your shoulder and there stood Tony.

"What do you want Stark" Clint belts out as he marches over. Standing protectively in front of you.

"I've come with some news." Tony says with confidence.

"If its the same news you gave us 2 years ago that nearly cost us Y/N, me and Steve, please leave." Thor roars.

"We might have found a way" Tony speaks softly, but confidently.

You scoff and laugh, shaking your head you rise to your feet and face Tony.

"We've heard this before Tony. No. No. No. NO! STOP GIVING ME HOPE. Because when you give me hope, I believe it, I let myself believe it can happen and when it doesn't, my heart breaks all over again. I relive that pain, over and over. I can't do it anymore Tony. I'm just about surviving without the hope. I can't do it again."
You sob, making Clint and Thor bow their heads, hiding their tears.

You start to walk back to the cabin, hugging onto yourself trying to warm up.

"We've got the stones Y/N. We have the gauntlet. We have it all, it's just if our snap can reverse it" Tony shouts, in desperation.

You stop, lifting your head you turn around. In disbelief.

"How-how-HOW?!" You question.

"You have a very different looking Bruce Banner to thank. As well as Nat. She remembered something that made it a lot easier to find them all..." Tony says.

"But if you have them all, who sacrificed themselves for the soul stone?" You ask hesitantly.

Tony looks down and sighs.

"Tony who sacrificed themselves?" You shout.

"There's this group that found us, they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy"

"Assholes" Clint chips in.

"Anyway... their leader didn't want his girlfriend to leave her sister and he-er- he jumped. The girlfriend came to us and explained that the old him can be brought back..somehow. I'm not entirely sure how thst part works, but she's sure so she give us the stone"

You feel overwhelmed. This might actually work, you might get your life back...

"You coming?" Tony asks you all.

"Of course, if there's a chance I get my wife and kids back yes" Clint chirps up.

"Can this bring back Loki?" Thor asks worried.

"Potentially." Tony says with hesitation, Thor spots it, but it was enough for him to have the chance.

"Y/N?" they all ask in unison.

"If this doesn't work, never tell me there's a chance again"

"You got it sport"

"Then let's go get our family back."