Fate. A predetermined supernatural power. The will of the universe. Fate is order. It writes, and rewrites, gives and takes. It spins vibrant red strings that flow into the world and connect people who are destined to meet, to love, to share a story...
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"I'm telling you, I can fucking teach." We're standing in the open space just outside the school building, among a small crowd of students, completely exposed to the chilly winds that vigorously blow past us, with nothing but a thick concrete strip of a roof to protect us from the icy blades of the rain. "We could try using new reference material this time or something." I hug myself tighter and step closer to the boys. "I'll go slower—"
The threads of Akito and Ren's voices cut through the pitter-patter of the rain, weaving together wonderfully, miraculously to form a conversation. One that probably isn't heading in a pleasant direction, but regardless of that, I love listening to these sounds.
"Ren, teaching simply isn't one of your strengths. There's nothing to be done about it," Akito says, his voice steadily growing strained and wary with every word.
I love listening to these sounds, but I'm becoming increasingly aware that my voice isn't a part of them.
"That's not true," Ren huffs. "I can help." When Akito doesn't respond, he takes a staggering step forward. "One more chance," he says quietly, his gaze silently pleading with Akito's stone-hard eyes. "Please." His voice cracks at the last syllable, along with a small piece of my heart.
Akito simply shakes his head. "I'm sorry. The test is this Friday. There just isn't any time to spare." Isn't Ren being unreasonable? Shouldn't Akito choose his words more carefully? Say something. Open your mouth.
"Fine," Ren spits, forcing his hands down his pockets and violently whipping his head to the side. "Fuck off. Just fuck off. Bastard. Dumbass." I don't miss the twitch in Akito's eyebrows at those words. "Idiot. Idiot." He swivels and storms away from the shelter, out into the rain. My breath catches in my throat.
Stupid jerkass! I want to call after him and tell him that there are always other ways he can help and that even if there weren't, it wouldn't matter. That I like having him around anyway. Stay.
But my feet remain planted to the ground, my voice burried under the aching in my chest. It was clear from the second they looked into each other's eyes, cutting everything else out, that I'm not a part of this moment. These words and these feelings belong only to Akito and Ren. It feels like no matter what I say, no words will help Ren unless they're from Akito's own mouth.
They may have needed me in the beginning to give them a nudge towards each other, sometimes even a shove. But now they're used to being around each other enough to be able to look each other in the eye and speak. Given some time, Ren's fire will melt Akito's ice, and I will no longer have a role to play in any of it.
When the time comes, will I be able to say mission accomplished, and move on? When I become a passerby, will I be able to look at them from across the street and smile to myself?
Beside me, Akito breathes a heavy sigh, sharply anchoring my attention back to what's important. This isn't about you. His hand reaches up to clasp the front of his shirt as he helplessly stares after Ren's retreating form. "Hey, it'll be okay," I whisper. This is what I'm here for. "It had to be said. He'll come back."
