Fate. A predetermined supernatural power. The will of the universe. Fate is order. It writes, and rewrites, gives and takes. It spins vibrant red strings that flow into the world and connect people who are destined to meet, to love, to share a story...
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Thermal radiation travels in a straight line like Ren
My pencil stops moving because my brain tells me that something is out of place, so I sigh, go through my sentence again, scratch Ren's name out and replace it with light. I'm not sure how many times I've let myself absent-mindedly slip his name into my notes like this today, horrendously out of context.
I look up when I hear a loud cheer erupt in the baseball field, not far away from where I'm seated. Ordinarily, I'm quite good at tuning out the sounds from my surroundings, but today is different, because Ren is playing baseball out there too, and it's making me restless. It feels like if I look away from him for too long, I'm going to miss something, like every second I spend with my eyes on my book instead of on him is a second that's gone unproductive, even though it should really be the other way around.
I have no problem finding him in the crowd, and...is he laughing? Someone shouts something and the players scatter once again, assuming their positions. Ren's neighbor slaps him on the back in a friendly manner, and he neither barks at him nor swats his hand away. Instead, Ren says something to him and they nod at each other. I tear my eyes from the scene, and start to iron the pages of my book out with my hands when I see that I unconsciously crumpled them a little.
I know now, that coming outside to study was a bad idea. I told myself that the fresh air would sharpen my focus. I was wrong. Then again, I've been wrong about a lot of things lately, haven't I?
"Ichijo!" someone screams, and my gaze instantly flits back to the field. Ren is running, fast. He zips past one base, then another, while everyone else roars and cries words of encouragement. When he makes it to the home base before the opposition can, everybody whoops and howls and Ren does a little celebratory jump.
He looks like he's having so much fun. My stomach hurts, and it's worse than the ache I feel when I've eaten something bad.
This past week, I haven't had to be around Ren as much as I used to. He shows up to class late because he's got morning practice, and he returns to the field immediately after the school day ends too. They've got practice in the breaks as well, so I either eat my lunch with Rubi and Irina or head straight to the library. Sometimes, his teammates will come to his desk in between classes to talk strategy with him, so he doesn't try to start up conversations with me anymore.
All of this should be a good thing. I've always found it hard to study when he's near-by. Now that he's not anymore, I should take it as a chance, and use this extra time to it's fullest. No more distractions. But instead, all I can think about is how Ren isn't around me anymore, and how I wish he was around me, and how I wish he'd want to be around me as much as I want to be around him.
I slam my book shut. This doesn't make any sense. Ren is happy now. I no longer feel his turbulent emotions mirrored in my chest. It's nearly always quiet. So it should be peaceful. It should be convenient. I should be satisfied. I should finally be able to study like I want to. Instead, it hurts more than I ever remember it hurting.
