Fate. A predetermined supernatural power. The will of the universe. Fate is order. It writes, and rewrites, gives and takes. It spins vibrant red strings that flow into the world and connect people who are destined to meet, to love, to share a story...
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I must be out of my mind.
Weekends are when I'm most productive with my work. And yet here I am again, before Ren's doorstep, on a Saturday. I could pull a number of excuses from my brain to justify my presence here if I wanted to, but ultimately, I know that I don't need to be here today.
I always make it a point to review the upcoming syllabus once before it's taken up in class. And not only have I put off doing that this time, but I'm also behind on an entire day's worth of school. It should be inexcusable, but...Ren. Ren. I don't trust him to take care of himself. And if something were to happen to him, I...
I don't know. I don't think I could take it.
I woke up with a weighted feeling of discomfort and exhaustion yesterday, and I immediately knew that something was wrong. I tried to ignore it and go about my day as usual, but when the restless heat coursing through my body showed no signs of subsiding, I knew, I just knew I had to go and make sure he was okay.
And seeing him like that—eyes heavy, hair pressed to his temples with sweat, unsteady on his feet as he followed me about—hurt me in a place deep inside my heart. A place I didn't realise existed.
It felt good to hold him close as he leaned his burning body against me. For a moment, it felt like he wasn't so far away, like I could actually watch over him, carry part of his pain. But then I walked into his bedroom, took in the mess of clothes and books on his floor, the agonised scribbling on his wall, and my heart crumbled. He was slipping through my fingers again, just like that.
I initially planned to return to school right away once he fell asleep, but after taking a single look at his red face, his wide eyes, and his heaving chest, I couldn't bring myself to leave him alone in that room again. So I took his temperature and got him to sleep, then prepared some rice porridge for when he woke up hungry. I placed a damp cloth over his head to cool his fever down a notch, staying by his side to replace it in case it dried up again—every procedure burned into my memory from the countless times I did it all for Baa-san.
I even got Rubi to bring Nee-san over because I thought seeing her might cheer him up a little. I've done everything I can already. So why am I here again?
One text message was all it took to bring me back to him. I'm going to go check on Ren; do you want to come along?, it said. No matter how you look at it, I had a choice.
No matter how you look at it, I made the wrong one. I shouldn't be here. I have work to do.
Ren...
Ren doesn't even like me.
"Hey," Rubi says tenderly, taking my hand in hers. The touch doesn't take me by surprise now. I've become so accustomed to these simple gestures, her presence by my side. She squeezes it. "I'm really glad you came. I promise we won't stay long." She rings the doorbell and smiles at me, and it shouldn't be possible, but I immediately feel better. I may have started to rely on that smile.
