Fate. A predetermined supernatural power. The will of the universe. Fate is order. It writes, and rewrites, gives and takes. It spins vibrant red strings that flow into the world and connect people who are destined to meet, to love, to share a story...
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I sit under the dim light of the reading lamp in my room, closing my book as I cross off another subject from my planner. Alright, two to go. Yawning, I crane my neck, stretching my arms over my head as I glance at the clock again, noting that it's time for dinner.
I push off my study table and slowly walk down the steps to the kitchen, wood creaking unsettlingly under my feet. Downstairs, the sparsely scattered furniture casts looming shadows across the walls, the thickening quiet enveloping me like quicksand. I breathe, an unmoving weight in my chest as I enter the kitchen, letting the lights inside flicker to life. I squint my eyes against the sudden brightness, subconsciously scanning the empty room for Nee-san, only to remember with a pang that she hasn't returned from work yet.
Heart beating unusually loud, I make my way to the drawer under the sink to bring out everything that I need to get started on dinner. I have all my meals planned out ahead, with natto and rice written down for tonight — a good balance of protein and carbs.
I put my hand into the drawer and let my fingers close around the cooking pot, the utensils inside clattering loudly against each other as I try to take it out, jarring in the way that they cut into the silence. Just then, I hear the wind let out a near lifelike howl through the window, and I break into a shiver, my mind caught on the unsettling noise as I release my grip over the handle of the pot and let it drop back inside, the motion producing a clang so loud that it makes me wince.
Letting the drawer close, I step back. Nee-san informed me that she'd be home late today because of a dinner party that she was going to attend with her friends. I swallow thickly, throat tightening up at the thought of standing by myself in this kitchen, with only the rustle of spoons and knives to accompany me for the rest of the evening. Nee-san won't be home for dinner today, I think. Isn't it a waste of time to stay here and cook just for myself?
Deciding to make do with something I already have, I kneel down to one of the lower cabinets, rummaging through it till I manage to find an old pack of cup ramen. Without bothering to check the expiration date, I heat it up and set it on the counter before me, my footsteps echoing into the halls as I move around.
Pulling up a stool to the table, I stare at the bits of carrot and beans floating around in the soup for a long time, my appetite retreating deep into my stomach, before I find a lid for the pack and wordlessly store it into the fridge for later. Skipping a single meal shouldn't cause my body any noticeable harm.
Enough shuffling around. Back to studying. I force myself to move up the stairs again, my body protesting as I settle back down before my reading desk, the same old blunt wood of my chair pressing into my thighs. Alright. Rubbing my hands together to send some of the cold away, I remove an answer key from my folder, using it to evaluate my performance in the practice test that I gave to myself earlier today.
When I'm done, I set my pen down, blinking sluggishly down at my score. Ninety seven out of one hundred. This is good, I tell myself. With marks like these, I may stand a chance. I wait for the rush of hope, the kick of satisfaction, but I'm empty as I gaze up at the curtain to my window, the swaying trees outside casting a dancing shadow onto it's surface, and suddenly, I feel afraid that the past five days are what the rest of my life will look like.
