Fate. A predetermined supernatural power. The will of the universe. Fate is order. It writes, and rewrites, gives and takes. It spins vibrant red strings that flow into the world and connect people who are destined to meet, to love, to share a story...
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After Irina is done inspecting every corner of my room, including the underside of my bed (lord only knows what she hoped to find down there), she climbs on top of the mattress and motions for me to go over. I take a few discrete deep breaths to calm my raging heart, and move to sit beside her.
I'm debating placing a pillow between us when she shuffles closer and let's her head drop on my shoulder. I feel my body go rigid, and close my eyes, desperately muttering to myself that the warmth pressed against me and the pleasant weight on my shoulder is just another illusion. Not Irina, not Irina, not Irina.
Beside me, a happy sigh floats into the air.
Oh gods, Irina.
This doesn't mean anything, I think, trying hard to convince myself that I'm wrong. That I'm reading too much into everything. So what if Irina never touches anyone but me? There could be a number of reasons for that. Maybe I'm like a nice, warm body pillow. Maybe she doesn't see me as a person at all.
I shouldn't let myself get tricked into thinking I have a real chance. I shouldn't get swept away.
So I anchor myself in place by bringing up the one thing that will surely knock my mind off it's high horse. "So...if you don't mind me asking, how are things with you and S-Sayori?" I try my best to sound casual, but the image of Irina and Sayori sitting in a different bed, holding each other, just like this, but closer, that soft sigh filled to the brim with content, detonates in my mind. Soulmates.
Just like that, a wound I spent hours tending to, reopens and starts to bleed.
Irina sits up. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, are things good? Are you guys happy?" I say, my voice surer, my smile sturdier, as my heart steadily starts to grow numb from jealousy, despair and loneliness. "You two...look so good together you know. It's great that-"
"Stop."
I blink up at Irina, and my smile crumbles. She's moving away, a mixture of shock and pain in her eyes. "Stop talking, you're wrong."
"I'm...wrong?" That can't be.
"Are you an idiot? It's not like that with Sayori," she says, horrified.
"I..." It doesn't make any sense to me. "Why not?"
"Why..." She sighs, touching the bridge of her nose, visibly distressed. "Because I like you."
I like you. For a long minute, they are only three separate words. A bunch of syllabus strung together, making an unintelligible sound. My brain refuses to catch up, to attach meaning to them, and I just sit there, hurt and tired and confused.
"This is exactly why I was seeing Sayori in the first place," Irina huffs. "Remember how she told us she was doing a course on relationship counseling? I told her about you, about this, and she said I should try and be more forward with my feelings. That's what I've been trying to do this whole time," she continues, closely studying my face. "I was only meeting with her because I was looking for advice, because I wanted you to realise that I liked you on your own. I was trying to be subtle."
