𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙿𝙴𝚁𝙺𝚂 𝙾𝙵 𝙻𝙸𝚅𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙸𝙽 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙰𝚂𝚂 ☘ 𝚈𝙾𝙾𝙽𝙶𝙸 √

𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚡𝚡𝚟𝚒

Hi, I'm Jimin and this is bullshit.

Yoongi is acting weird and he thinks that people don't notice it when he just stands there and watches other people doing their shit. He looks creepy okay? It doesn't feel like he's judging us but... The boy has a girlfriend, a passion, money, beauty, go focus on your shit bro why the fuck are you watching us?

Anyways.

You probably might be wondering why I'm doing something as pathetic as writing my daily shit down, yeah like I don't have the stuff to do or I'm a loner kid or something. Well, Yoongi forced me to.

I have a person. Her name is Rae. She's not my girl, she's my person. If you know the difference, you know. I'm proud of her but I don't feel the need to flaunt her around because she's the hottest freshie okay? It's like...I'd rather look at her, talk to her, kiss her, hug her, make her laugh, take her to the beach so I can watch her honey skin bloom in the sunset... I'd do anything else than brag her to my friends. To put it simply, there's a connection between us.

But... For her, we're just fuck-buddies. At least that's what she says when she's joking, but she takes care of me too. The sex is great, trust me. And by great, I mean that she could practically be a sex god like??? She's got tricks that edge me all night then give me an orgasm so powerful that I could blackout for a good couple of hours. But that's not how I'd like to define our relationship.

I didn't realize when that thought started making me so sad. I didn't realize that exactly when did 'fuck-buddies started feeling distant and... Less.

But it's okay now :) because we talked and Yoongi forced me to write the said talk so here I am. As I said, he's weird. Okay, so Yoongi said that I don't need to go into the details but I still need to give you a backstory so that you understand what the fuck is going on.

Rae made a new friend and she started spending less with me. Everyone says I'm overreacting but I'm not! She has to be there with me all the time is that so much to ask?! When you tell her she's not spending time with me she says, 'oh Jimin but we fucked just hours ago' like the little shit she is I'm so mad.

We fought like a week ago where when she shouted 'fuck you!' I yelled back 'that's all you do!' and I was supposed to stay mad but she got sick and then I melted like I always do. So the week was full of cuddling and stuff.

Then that bitch friend of hers came back and I heard them talking about me from out the door. I think Rae was telling her about me because her friend said "Oh, you're fucking Jimin? Bet he's not even good at it."

I'm already distant with Rae these days and I didn't want to add more to it, so I didn't stay there to hear whether she defended me or not. I just went away. The thing is that our relationship doesn't get much credit already alright, one thing that we're I'm sure about is that she likes having sex with me then someone comes in and says that I'm not good at it too, I felt bad. I mean... Then what is my motive in Rae's life if it's not sex? There's nothing there. I can't openly admit how I feel for her, I can't openly tell her that I care, can't openly say that I wanna stay... And now I'm not good at sex too? Should as well just get out of her life, shall I not?

But I can't.

It fucked me up. Those thoughts truly fucked me up. So I was sitting on the couch alone because I was sad and then Rae came running towards me and jumped on me like she always does, lightening up my whole fucking world.

"Jimin! Do you know what that idiot said about you?! She said that you're not good at sex." Then she grabbed the sides of my face with both her hands and leaned closer and whispered, "maybe you should fuck me in front of her to show her how nicely you please me."

It was supposed to be a hot moment, I know, but I was so lost in my thoughts. I felt great that she defended me, but there were just so many questions in my mind. Yet, I pulled her close to me and hugged her because... she's my precious. I adore her, everything she does feels right. I'm scared to lose her because she's the best thing that's happened to me. And I know that she'll go away one day. She'll go to another country and pursue her acting dream. Then I'll go away too... To pursue my own dream of dancing.

"Yes I will," I answered softly even though I didn't pay much attention to it. I just buried my face in her neck and closed my eyes, the best thing about her is that she lets me. She comforts me.

"Rae do you not care for me?"

She drew away from the hug to stare at me in confusion.

"Why'd you ask that?"

"It's just... No one's ever told it to me before and you're the first person I wanna hear it from..."

"You know I care for you."

"Then why don't you say it?"

"Do I not show it enough that you need to hear it to know it?" She asked. "I have told it to you too. I told you when you were sulking about not giving me butterflies, you might give your ex all the butterflies in the world but she can't care even an inch of as much as I do for you."

"Yes, I do remember...sorry," I muttered and just looked down. Maybe it's because I don't ever apologize that she felt really sad for me, she realized I was down, and then she cupped my face in her hands.

"I care for you, Jimin." She said. "I won't be able to live with myself if something happens to you. I need to see you smile once to get through every day. If you don't laugh nothing settles into place I– ... I love you."

SHE SAID SHE LOVES ME!!! YOU READ THAT!!??!? SHE SAID SHE LOVES ME!

I just realized that and it hyped me up. I get random bursts of exaggeration energy, I'm sorry. Rae says that it's a disorder and we both have that. But... My hands are literally shaking while writing this shit because I'm so happy.

"You love me?" I asked just to make sure I heard it right. I had been dreaming, waiting, anticipating for these words to come out of her mouth.

She nodded and she also held my face. "I just can't believe you didn't feel it, I–"

"I do feel it. I feel your care. I feel your love too. I just needed to hear it."

"Why...?"

"I got... insecure."

She stayed silent for a while and I didn't dare to face her until she leaned closer and kissed me. I melted.

I know this isn't the end, it's just the beginning of our relationship. Because now that it's out in the open there will be consequences and we've just started our lives. But I'll be with her, no matter what.

Now that the letter is over, I can finally go back to her and give this crap-ass thing to Yoongi. Bye.