𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙿𝙴𝚁𝙺𝚂 𝙾𝙵 𝙻𝙸𝚅𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙸𝙽 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙰𝚂𝚂 ☘ 𝚈𝙾𝙾𝙽𝙶𝙸 √

𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚡

It's funny actually.

How your love obscures every single flaw of the person you feel strongly towards until something direct snaps and the thick layer covered by sweetness of dreams tears in front of your eyes.

How can someone else's true personality hurt you so much?

It's sucks, that Mae is at fault and not at fault at the same time. She could easily flip it all on me by saying 'it's none of your business. She's done it. It hurts that it's true. Mae and I never claimed our relationship, I don't even know if she ever felt anything. Feels like I was in a stupid unrealistic fairyland. Where Mae was the best person in the world.

My heart aches at the sad truth. But I can't stop my feelings towards her. They're deeply rooted and delicate, left me broken. I don't claim love as a feeling that can be thrown under the bus too early. I know how I feel, it has stemmed through the daily, ordinary things she does.

Why do we feel in love with the people we can't have?

Did you realize my writing has gotten a lot better now?

This morning I went downstairs to the kitchen after getting ready for college to grab breakfast. We usually make handy stuff for breakfast so we can eat it while driving and all because we're mostly late. Except for Jin and Namjoon. And oh, Rae too. She has a great deal about self-discipline which surprisingly doesn't include stuff like hoeing around and drinking.

There was a raw sandwich on the plate, and I was thankful for a change because Jin had been done with making breakfast lately and he just made some flavored yogurt popsicles to grab on a run.

Then Mae entered the kitchen to grab a water bottle and my heart jumped before dropping as wildly. She looked very glum and when Jungkook offered her the sandwich, she refused and said she was running late.

I knew her mood was off because of me even though none of it was my fault but I couldn't let her starve Especially when she had gone through an abortion two days ago. So when she was waiting outside the house for Jungkook because she usually drives off to uni with him, I handed her my sandwich which was wrapped in a transparent sheet.

But when I got nearer, my anger took the best of me and I handed it to her quite roughly. Maybe that's the reason Mae came back to throw the same sandwich on my face. Then she drove off with Jungkook.

When I got back from uni, all tired, Taehyung and Mae were already in there and looked like they just got back too since their bags were thrown on the couch.

"Oh, Yoongi." Taehyung exclaimed and I just raised my hand in acknowledgement. Then my eyes contacted with Mae and we looked away at the same time, almost as if some spark had yanked our necks sidewards furiously.

I wanted to show that I was angry at her so I didn't go to the kitchen to make the food even if it was my turn to. I just sat at the couch with my arms crossed grumpily over my chest. Taehyung said I looked like a dumpling and cooed but that just made me angrier. Then after a while Mae stood up in defeat and told Taehyung to help her in the kitchen.

"Oh, no shit. You're not entering the kitchen, it's highly forbidden for you both female monkeys. I'll make the food."

We could have just ordered in but I was too angry to voice out that idea.

After Taehyung cooked some cup noodles. More like boiled the water but that's all the idiot's mind is limited to, we ate and I didn't let them choose the TV channel.

I hate it when Mae acts unbothered and as if I'm being too childish for her level. It's picks up on me. As if I'm... stupid. I don't know how to tell it. She's always acting so mature and always has her guard up.

But then again, that's the thing that attracted me in the first place. So I fell into my own dug hole I guess.

Soon enough, Jin, Namjoon and Jungkook came back too. And then they are cup noodles too since Jin was too tired to cook.

The rest of day passed by me hollered up in my room, I've been working on some lyrics actually. So that I could use some raw composed songs as a portfolio when I start applying in companies again.

Also, Rae and I have been chatting a lot. She hasn't gotten a chance to talk to Mae since the idiot broke both of our phones. I've been chatting with Rae on my laptop.

Then, at night, I ate dinner. Duh. But Mae didn't come downstairs so when I finished my food I told Rae how she skipped her meal. I can't help but get worried, alright? I've tried looking unbothered, it doesn't happen.

Rae told me to chill out a bit and that it was normal for Mae to skip meals. Then I asked if I should take some fruits to Mae's room and she told me to take kiwi specifically. Apparently, Mae's first love happens to be kiwi so yeah.

So I took the kiwi to her room and kept it on her bed. She wasn't looking at me, focusing on her laptop. I told her to eat and she refused straight away. I couldn't take it so I urged her again and when she opened her mouth to deny, I stuffed a piece of kiwi in her mouth.

After that, she snatched the bowl from me and started digging into the food like a pig. Also ordered me to bring her juice and that made my heart flutter badly for some reason.

I told her to not order me around but I brought her the juice nonetheless.

I think I started falling in love with her flaws.

Then I got back to my room and wrote to you. Now, I'm sleepy. One heck of a hectic day for a college guy. Good night.