dissident ｡ nct

5.1 ｡

—Part 5.1—
Rebel

"I wasn't meant to be in Amity anyway."
—Anzhi—

The bus ride to the sorting ceremony was shorter than I expected—probably because my mind was distracted by the number of thoughts flying around my head.

I watched as the different students talked to each other and conversed with them myself. We talked about stupid things. It was small talk. But, the value of the talk was larger than any other conversation I'd had within the past month.

Now, I stood inside the Hub, the location of the Choosing Ceremony. My seat was long since chosen—as if rehearsed despite never rehearsing. Using my finger, I drew on my hand, distracting myself from any thinking and any movement going on in my peripheral vision.

I didn't want to think.

Something about thoughts and the idea of focusing on the upcoming test of nerves irked me. Sure, I was loud and bubbly and could easily distract myself, right? Yet the moment where stress overpowered every other aspect of my personality was here, and I didn't want to think. Thinking would only make it all worse.

My family sat in the circle with parents, chatting with the other amicable Amitys. I turned and watched as Sicheng sat next to his long-time friend, Jungwoo, immediately striking a conversation with him.

As social as I was, the Amity conversations never interested me. So, I just quickly looked away.

We were standing in alphabetical order according to the faction, the crowd seemingly huge due to the amount of families present. It was a big day for each representative faction—the day where our legacies are forever decided.

It's an important day. They don't like anything going wrong.

Maybe that's why factions hated faction transfers so much—because it's something that went wrong. Or maybe, I'm just overthinking again.

Shotaro was on the other side of us, toward the back edge as his last name started with an "O" while mine started with "D."

It didn't help to not have a friend near me, especially on such an important day. I had no one to talk to comfortably, no one to understand my worries. The only family I thought would understand gave me his answer already, however vague it was. At that moment, I felt completely alone. I hated that feeling.

The five bowls required for the choosing ceremony sat in the middle of the Hub, its importance easily recognized.

I didn't think. I silently observed.

I blankly gazed at the five pristine white bowls resting on top of the marble counter. I watched as the leader of Abnegation walked around. He was a handsome man, and I soon found myself entranced by his sharp appearance—at least for a few seconds.

The most nerve-wracking moment was when the others in front of me were called up to the podiums. There had been barely any faction transfers, just like every other year, as the factions viewed transferring as betrayal. No one had transferred from Amity.

In a way, that requires its own courage.

I didn't know if I had that courage. I am a little weak. Would I be able to climb a bunch of ladders?

"Dong Anzhi," Taeyong, the leader of Abnegation, called out.

Oh shit—he called.

Without another thought, I scrambled away from where I stood, hating that I had to choose earlier just cause my last name started with a "D" in English.

Even as I walked up to the large podiums and took the knife from Lee Taeyong's hand, I only had one thought.

Anahi, do you want to farm all day or climb things all day?

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, remembering every moment that I'd spent out there in the violent heat of the summers, farming. I remembered all the good, the bad, and then more—the future, my life consistently farming with Sicheng and Shotaro. I envisioned myself struggling with the equipment, sweating through the thin-clothed Amity clothes.

And I despised the vision.

My decision started to solidify, and my courage started to burn. I gently pressed the knife down on my palm, realizing the pain was nothing compared to the sharp blades of harvesting tools and such.

"Amity will always be the safest place for us."

Finally, I looked at the bowls. From the boring, still water of Erudite, to the ever-annoying and repetitive rich brown soil of Amity, to the sizzling crackles of the beautiful black coals—I think even my thoughts were biased.

Whereas the other four bowls looked bleak and dreary, the Dauntless bowl looked enticing and seemingly promised adventure.

Or maybe, I really was too biased.

The split moment of silence between my choice and the announcement made me doubt myself—had I chosen correctly? Should I have just stuck to farming in the boring old heat?

Yet the gasp I had heard from Sicheng—I would've known his voice anywhere—only confirmed that I was satisfied with my choice. I couldn't live the life he wanted me to.

Screw safe. I'm not wearing those hideous mismatched colors again.

"Dauntless."

The cheers that came from the Dauntless muted the harsh stares of the Amity, disappointed to lose one of their own to the faction opposite to theirs. Of course, the enmity in beliefs and ideals between the Dauntless and Amity have always been publicized. Amity would never act on it, though—they were peaceful for a reason.

For some reason, that thought only cheered me up. Perhaps, it was just my rebellious side. Perhaps I'd just always hated the faction I'd grown up in.

I couldn't help the small, relieved smile on my face as I was guided away from the podium, with only one thought in my head.

I wasn't meant to be in Amity anyway.