Under The Influence {Editing}

Let S**t Go

Shawnie's POV

A few days later, I was laying in bed. My back was turned towards the door. I was trying to sleep but I was doing a lousy job. I just cannot sleep when Aubrey is not next to me in bed and I don't know why. I have been consistently going to sleep in his arms ever since we moved into the Lincoln Park house, with the exception of a few single nights he was away on business. If I don't have him here, I can't sleep. It's been a little over two months since Aubrey and I have been together, and we've only been in LA for about a week. So it's extra stressful because it's a new house I'm getting used to. I wanted to stay in Chicago but for obvious reasons (Chris) I came back.

That whole thing that happened with Chris a few days ago can never happen again. Aubrey and I have built this bubble around us and everything is so calm and peaceful. We don't argue, we don't even have disagreements about anything, and that is so new to me, especially coming out of a relationship with Chris for so long. It was like we argued constantly about women and drugs. Then both of us did not want to talk about issues that we've been through, or were going through at the time. I don't have those problems with Aubrey and it's very refreshing to not have to deal with that. He's always so open and honest with me.

So when Chris came over here, with all of the feelings that he has towards Aubrey and I's relationship, it just felt like he was here for bullshit. I don't care what he says, he did not come over here to be nice. He came over here to be an asshole. All he's trying to do is let me know that he can do whatever he wants to do, when he wants to do it. I know Chris's games and I was more pissed off at the fact that Aubrey and his staff let him into this house, knowing the history that we all have. That was so crazy to me.

After I explained everything to Aubrey he understood why I was so livid. He understands that we've worked hard over the course of the last couple of months to get me somewhat back right, whether that was through therapy or with him just talking me through whatever. He knows now that I'm a little emotionally scarred and I will be for a bit. It was an abrupt action that I made, even though it was over in my head for a while. It was a change in my everyday life that was honestly a little traumatizing. Maybe that isn't the correct word, but that's mostly how I feel. I was with Christopher everyday. Everyday since we had pretty much made it official, in Chicago. We talked constantly, even if we were on bad terms.

When you love someone so much you'll stay with them because you think it'll click in their head, and they will understand everything that's wrong, and/or what they're doing wrong. I did that and I knew I was doing it. I wanted to give him time to see his wrong doings but after a while I realized he knew what he was doing, he was just doing it anyway. He chose to cheat on me with all those women. I still let things slide that I shouldn't have. And he did too. Yes, it was comfortable and there's nothing wrong with that but that comfortable-ness became a crutch, and a reason to not notice when the relationship was really over. I was so comfortable, I didn't fully realize how toxic our love for each other really was. We both were guilty of that. BOTH of us.

Now that I've gotten out of that relationship, I feel overall different. I feel like I have a different life. This is mine and Aubrey's space and we're good here. We don't need any of that outside negative energy here, or coming in disturbing our peace.

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Aubrey has been out with some of his guys for a few hours now. It was a business meeting that turned into a celebration. What they were celebrating, I don't know and I didn't ask. Aubrey was in contact with me all night, as usual. He always makes sure I'm okay, wherever he is. After Christopher, I always think the worst. I love that about Aubrey, he's always volunteering information about his whereabouts, and I can see his location, but I also hate that he's always so involved in everything and is always out. I understand, he's working. That's just something I have to get over. He is a very busy man with many businesses to tend to.