Secrets inside my heart

Chapter 4: Am I gay?

I stood there helplessly with tears streaming down my face.

"Oh god I'm sorry Johnnie." he muttered.

"God dammit hall! leave the poor boy alone seriously! Quit cause him trouble he doesn't need your bullshit!" Kyle was dead silent now, he looked like he was thinking deeply about something and I'd kill to know what it is.

Kyle's POV:

God why did I do that. I seriously need to control myself. No one would ever believe it but I was in love with Johnnie. I had never ever came out of the closet to anyone, let alone myself. I could sit up nightly thinking about it, but I just can't bring myself to it. Why am I a teenager in love? How come I can't just tell Johnnie how I feel. I'm just so mean to him and though it's so easy playing it Helga Pataki(Hey Arnold reference); it's ruining my self esteem, it's ruining my life!

Johnnie sobbed and hugged Damon and it really broke my heart, I was so embarrassed I didn't even have the courage to run away to home and cry like I always do.

"I'm sorry," Damon mumbled into his ear. I looked down at the ground and I felt defeated, why? Oh god who knows.

"I'm going home," Johnnie said.

"Are you sure you're gonna be safe, with that cheetah-rhino inside you house," he said, referring to me. It took everything in me not to punch him square into Canada, or maybe even fucking Russia. The farther he goes the better.

"I'm fine, Damon." Johnnie said, he quickly hurried home. I was about to head home but Damon put his hand on my shoulder.

"Don't hurt my boyfriend." he commanded, boyfriend?

"What? He's not your boyfriend!" I snapped.

"Ha! Like you even know anything about that boy! I don't actually like him one bit, but I know you do you're just too caught up into yourself to admit it. Oh boy I'll have him around my finger by the end of this week and don't act like it's not gonna hurt you, cause I want it to hurt you." he smirked, it's not fair! He just wants Johnnie to make me miserable.

"Y-you're sick!" I said backing up, "And I don't like Johnnie! He doesn't like you either! you won't win!" I ran away from him quickly. As soon as I got in my house I slid down the door crying.

"Who's home?" I heard someone say, it was my older brother.

"Kyle? You alright?" I just shrugged at his question.

"I'm not talking about it." I kept my eyes on the floor.

"Talking always helps." he said. It was true, whenever I'd talk with
him about something bothering me I always felt better. I stood up and sat at the dinner table.

"Do you fucking promise and swear you won't tell anyone? And if you do I'm snapping your neck.

"It all stays with me." he sat down with me.

"O-okay. Well. The kid that lives with us, Johnnie. Well..uh, I have a hugs crush on him. But I can't seem to come out the closet and tell him. And I'm just so mean to him cause it's the best way I could hide it. And I don't know what to do cause he's so hurt and I wanna help him but I don't know!" I started crying more.

"It's okay to be gay, if that's your situation." he said.

"I know, I'm just scared to tell him cause he'll probably despise me even more that he does." I wiped my face with tissue.

"Don't be. C'mon brother I know what's best for you, just tell him." He put his hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him. I quickly hugged him and thanked him.

Johnnie's POV:

I had heard everything. I was smiling uncontrollably right now. I heard him coming so I quickly ran to the attic.

"Hey wait Johnnie." I quickly went into sad mode and turned to him half way up the steps.

"What do you want?" I said.

"Please, I need to talk to you." he stepped up toward me and I looked down.

"In." he said, meaning for me to go into my room, as known as the attic. I walked in there and sat on the bed and he sat down next to me. I looked up at him and his lips were vibrant and glowing, it was so hard not to kiss him.

"Well. I-I. I was talking to my cousin and--" I cut him off,

"I heard everything." I said, he just sat there shocked.

"O-oh. You did." I looked up at him and he looked up at me, knowing that he sort of felt the same for me I really just wanted to kiss him at this moment.

"I'm sorry about today, I'm sorry about everything." I scooted closer to him.

"It's fine. I get it all the time." I said quietly looking down, and it was true.

"I don't want to you." he said, I looked up at him and he was crying.

"Don't cry." I said, I lightly put a hand on his shoulder and he looked down at me. His eyes looked so pained and he looked so broken, but oh god he was still beautiful. It breaks my heart seeing him like this. He smiled a little bit and looked out the window, I watched him and oh god he looked so perfect.

"You look beautiful." I said quietly, he looked at me and now we were eye locked.

"What?" he said, I felt like he was teasing me but I guess he didn't actually hear me.

"Never mind." I looked down and he put his hand under my chin making me look back up at him.

"No tell me." he said. I blushed.

"You're beautiful," I said nervously and his cheeks flustered. He was blushing pretty bad and to be honest it was cute.

"You are too." he said. I just smiled, he slowly leaned in, then there was a knock at the door.

**sort of long chapter hope y'all enjoy, also another cliffhanger oooops, but anyway I have 135 reads and it doesn't seem like a lot but it's a lot for me and thank you so much friends