𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑎 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑒𝑓 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑛𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 | 𝐆𝐈𝐋𝐀𝐍 𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐃𝐒𝐎𝐍

17 ⋆✶⋆ The River of Pain

"Do you even love me?"

That was my moment, if only I could've just said what I felt for him. How someone only had to say his name and I'd get butterflies in my stomach so bad it hurt. The way I could get lost in his face studying every inch of it and finding new things to love every time. How every time he was in danger I got so nervous I could throw up. But was it love?

None of that came out, all I did was stand there like a stiff plank. Then Gilan suddenly turned around, his cheeks crimson red. He took a step closer, to which I immediately took one back.

"Do you?!" He yelled loudly. His green eyes glazed in this light of the setting sun.

I flinched and subconsciously raised my hand a bit to protect my face.

A wave of confusion and regret passed over Gilan's face, but it was as gone as quickly as one as well.

What if it would always be like this? A small part of me whispered to me that I didn't need anybody else, needing somebody else was weakness. On the other hand I also didn't want to say no, because I couldn't get that over my heart.

So, I just stood there, looking at my feet, not daring to move.

With a shaky voice the tall Ranger said: "We're done." Then he made his way back to the camp, almost ramming into me had I not moved out of the way at the right time. 

When he was out of reach I walked over to the nearby creek to get new water. My heart was heavy, all I wanted to do was lay down in the cold grass and cry my eyes out. But I had to hold it together until I was out of eyesight from the group.

The second I was out of reach I let myself fall to my knees. It hurt, but I didn't register it anymore. The pain in my chest was worse. It was like an arrow had pierced through my heart. I held my hands to my face and started sobbing. The only thing that helped to ease the wound seemed to be crying, so I cried. I tried to put my mind off what had just happened, but all I could think about was how much I wanted him to hold me in his arms and to tell me I'd be okay.

After a while my sobs turned into sniffles, until I was just silently staring and listening to the small creek in front of me. It'd gotten quite dark and it would be harder now to find my way back to the camp. Even though I was an (almost) full-fledged Ranger, I still felt uneasy in the night. Like some monster was watching me and could strike at any moment, which wasn't odd in these parts. Anyhting could've come down from those mountains and though that creature in the tunnels hadn't harmed me, I had a feeling that had just been luck.

I looked around to make sure it wasn't here, but didn't find anything, so I crawled over to the creek and splashed some of the cold water in my face, I hoped that maybe it would help with my red swollen eyes and tear stained cheeks. I rubbed my nose with the back of my sleeve and filled one of the leather drinking sacks I'd brought with me.

I knew I had to go back, but I didn't know if I could see Gilan without immediately breaking out in tears. But I had to at some point. I brushed off the dirt on my clothes and rubbed my nose one last time. It was still pretty stuffy, but the running had stopped, thankfully. With my heart beating loudly in my throat I walked back to the camp. It was very dark, so I had to be careful where I put down my feet. The campfire was still emitting light and everybody was focused on the girl. It made it easier to slip back unnoticed. But when I got there and saw everyone I hesitated. What if I didn't come back? It wasn't like any of them would miss me, Gilan hated me and the other three I barely knew.

'It would only confirm what he thinks of you.' Dashed across my mind, followed by: 'You'll get in a lot of trouble.'

I sighed, walked over and sat down next to Will, putting my hood on. Nobody needed to see my red dried out eyes. The brown eyed boy looked at me for a moment and mouthed something along the lines of 'are you okay?', but it was hard to tell in the flickering light of the blaze. I just nodded slightly to reassure him and when he was satisfied with his answer he turned back to Evanlyn.

"They're planning something," the voice was like a knife to my heart, I knew immediately whose it was. "The whole kingdom is mobilized. We were underway to King Swyddned with a message from Duncan."

It was very hard to concentrate on what the other people were saying, my thoughts wandered off to Gilan the whole time. Our conversation kept on playing over and over before my eyes. I didn't dare to look up because I felt Gilan's eyes on me from across the fire. Then it occurred to me how he had to be feeling. Probably even worse. That made me hate myself even more. I shivered and wrapped my arms tightly around my stomach.

He said something again and then got up and grasped his bow. Will and Horace threw water on the flames, evoking sizzles and smoke from the dying fire. Before he positioned himself on a pair of rocks, Gilan looked at me one last time and then turned around. I found myself staring at the back of his cloak before I snapped out of it and rolled myself in my cloak and closed my eyes. Though I knew I wouldn't get much sleep that night. A broken heart weighs heavy.

One of the criminals let out one last plead: "My lord, would you please make my shackles a bit looser? They're very tight and it really hurts!" And with a sharp-tongued voice Gilan told the man to shut up.

A/N:

Okay so this book getting the 5K reads has been kinda in the shadows with the imagines book getting the 10K, but I still want to thank everyone for reading this and leaving funny comments and sweet messages, your support means so much to me<333.

Xxx. HeelsAreCute