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"It's okay, you should get some sleep," sir David said while putting a hand on my shoulder, "Gilan's not going to wake up sooner if you destroy yourself. When's the last time you ate?"
My brain was so exhausted it couldn't even recall that anymore, it only had room for one thought that kept repeating itself over and over and it was so loud. "If he's suffering then so am I!" I snapped at the tall knight.
He pinched his nose and swayed his head. Sometimes I found it scary how similar he and Gilan looked. In the past few days I'd gotten a few scares, because I thought Gilan had woken up, but then it just turned out to be Sir David.
"Look, Gilan made a decision in the heat of battle and it was to save you. So if you die from hunger or lack of sleep, what he did will have been for nothing. Now do you want that?" his stern and agitated voice surprised and scared me a bit.Of course I got his logic and I really was hungry, but it was like I was glued to that chair beside his bed and every time I wanted to get up, guilt weighed me down. I sucked in a deep shaky breath trough my teeth and looked at him.
"I still don't get it," I confessed while looking at my hands and pausing, pressure building behind my eyes, "why he saved me? I mean I couldn't even tell him 'I love you.'"
Gilan's dad kneeled down beside me easily which was surprising, because the man was already quite old. Over the last two days he'd been very kind to me, even though I'd broken his sons heart. But that kindness was overshadowed by my knowledge of his past and what he'd done to his wife. I still held it in the back of my mind every time he uttered something good-natured.
"Because beyond that you still mean a lot to him. Wouldn't you have done the same?" Sir David said with a commander's tone beating the nonsense out of his soldiers with cold hard logic.
I immediately nodded, wiping away my tears with the back of my new dress' sleeve. There had been a few spares, which I'd gotten one from. It didn't fit perfectly, but anything to get out of that ridiculous gambeson.
He held a plate with mashed potatoes, beans and dried meat in front of my face and I couldn't resist the smell of it. "Here, I brought it for you, since I can't convince you to leave either way."
"Thanks." I said as I took it from him, thankfully stuffing it in my mouth. After going for days without eating, even though it wasn't my favourite food, it still tasted like a five star meal.
I still stayed by Gilan's side the whole night and in the morning. I sang every song I could think of, muttered every prayer, bid every god to save his soul. By the time I woke up, my throat was sore. I laid with my upper body on his, still half kneeling on the ground. Outside the constant sounds of people talking, metals clashing and horses neighing had become normal, and I almost didn't hear them anymore. Instead I was woken up by something stirring under me, which caused me to shoot upright. My heart leapt in my chest when I saw it was Gilan, and that after so many sleepless nights, he'd finally awoken.
