She's Coming Home

Steps

Gabby was transferred back to the ICU that night and put back on a ventilator. She spent the next week there, mostly sleeping and out of it when she was awake. She's also started having seizures again, probably from the fever. She seems to be starting to improve finally. Her SATs are improving and her temp is staying down without meds. After another week she was doing better, still on a vent with oxygen but the portable vent and she's awake a lot more and is responding to people. She's still having seizures but they're much smaller than what she used to have.

Gabby POV
I woke up when I heard Nat come in
Nat- good morning
I just looked at her and smiled a bit, still tired
Nat- what do you think of starting therapy again today?
Gabby- yes
I want to get out of bed and this room!
Nat- ok. You can try an hour of PT but I'm coming with you and if I decide you're done, you're done
Gabby- ok
She listened to my breathing and set up the vest and the nebulizers.
Nat- your lungs are sounding better. Let's try just doing the vest in the morning and at night, I still want you doing nebulizers every 4 hours
Gabby- ok
I like that plan, the vest definitely helps with breathing but I don't like it.

I talked to Antonio on FaceTime for a bit then had a nap before PT. After just getting up in my chair I was ready for another nap, this was going to be fun. I told Nat to leave me tilted back since there was no way I could keep my head up. She brought me up to the PT room.

Kate- hey! Nice to have you back, we've been missing you!
Gabby- hi
I was too tired to say more so I looked at Nat hoping she'd explain.
Nat- she's still tired, plus this is her first time in her chair in 2 weeks
Kate- ok. Let's just do some stretches, get your braces on and then maybe we'll try the stander but we'll see how you're doing.
Gabby- ok

They layed me on the table and did stretches which hurt but also kind of felt nice because I hadn't really moved in so long. Then they put my braces on which definitely just hurt.
Kate- what do you think about trying the stander?
I don't want to but I know I need to if I want to make any progress. I look at her.
Kate- ok, let's get you up then.
They got me in and started standing me up. Someone has to hold my head up the whole time and my legs were too tight to get me all the way up. I'm exhausted and in pain, I just want to sleep more. I only stayed up for 15 minutes then I went back to my room.
The next 2 weeks were getting back to therapy and trying to get me back to where I was before I got sick. I was off the vent again but still needed oxygen and needed the vent for sleep which means I'm still stuck in the ICU. My random movements have actually decreased, they still happen when I try to move or when I'm really excited but it's mostly just my arms, my legs don't kick around as much which is nice because I don't have to worry about kicking everything near me. I've actually made some progress in speech and OT. Eating still isn't going well but I can say a few words, it's slow and takes a lot of concentration and I'm really hard to understand but I can speak and I'm learning more words. I'm also getting better at purposely moving my arms, I can touch or push something as long as it's big enough. I can't precisely target something so if it's small it takes a lot of tries before I get it, I also still haven't figured out how to open my hands so I can grab something, they just stay in fists unless someone else stretches them out. PT is where I'm making the least progress, head control is better but not where it was before, I can sit for a bit longer but that's just because I don't randomly move as much. I still haven't taken a step on the treadmill but they put me on it everyday and move my legs, it does help a bit with the spasticity.

I'm just sitting in my room watching TV waiting for PT. Then April comes into my room
Gabby- hey April
April- hi, how are you today?
Gabby- fine. PT soon
April- I know, I was going to bring you up there
Gabby- ok
We went to the PT room and the first thing I did today was the treadmill. After a few minutes they stopped
Kate- ok, can you try taking a step now?
I can try but I don't think I'll be able to do it. I don't have my device so I have to try speaking. I don't like speaking in front of anyone, other than Lisa, because I'm so bad at it
Gabby- ya
It didn't come out right but I guess they understood me.
Kate- ok, also you've made a lot of progress with speech
They started the treadmill again, I dropped my head so I could focus better on making my legs move
Kate- ok, you try and we'll help if you need it
At first I just got tighter but then I did it. I move my leg forward by myself, Kate had to fix it because my foot turned in but I took a step! I so excited but also frustrated that I'm excited about a tiny step, I'm supposed to be a freaking firefighter. But I try to focus on the progress
Kate- Gabby you did it!
I try to say yes again but end up just squealing.
Kate- can you do it again? Step with the other foot
It was harder but I did it, I took another step!
Kate- amazing! You want to be finished now?
Gabby- ya
Again I'm not actually pronouncing it right but it's close enough. I'm exhausted from moving. They lay me on the table for a while then April brought me back to my room.
April- do you want to lay down?
Gabby- no just tilt a bit
April- ok, do you need anything else?
Gabby- FaceTime Maya
She got a tablet and set it up and then left me to talk to Maya.
M- hey! I haven't talked to you in forever! What's been going on?
G- ha!
I switched to my device so I could actually talk to her.
G- hi. A lot's been going on. How are you?
M- I'm good, stop deflecting, why did you disappear?
G- not why I called. I have exciting news
M- what is it?
G- I took 2 steps in the harness at PT
M- Gabby that's amazing! What else have you been doing?
G- well you heard my speech progress already. Getting a bit better with my arms, trying to get off oxygen
M- I thought you were off oxygen, what's going on?
G- Shay got sick, I got sick. Pneumonia, ICU, seizures lost all my progress and couldn't see my kid for weeks. I don't want to talk about it
M- sorry. Why didn't you call me?
G- I've been exhausted all the time and so much therapy I didn't have time sorry
M- it's fine, I'm sorry, I should have called you
G- what's your news
M- I'm working, back at the station. Just a few hours a week, working reception but it's nice to be back
G- that's great. Are you there now
M- ya
G- can I meet your team
M- sure, I think they're upstairs.
She introduced me to everyone and showed me around the station then we talked a bit more until Shay came running into my room, surprisingly followed by Matt.
G- I should go I have visitors
M- ok, I should get back to work. Talk to you soon
G- bye
Call ended

Shay(signs)- mama
Gabby- hi
I smile at her then at Matt
Matt- hey, Antonio got stuck at work. Nice to see you, how've you been?
Gabby- you too. Good tired right now from PT
Matt- how's therapy been going?
Gabby- slow but today I took 2 steps.
I explained the harness set up to him.
Matt- that's awesome
Shay climbed on my lap and I managed to put my arms around her which is my favourite part of being able to move them more.

Shay was a lot fussier than usual, apparently she had refused to nap at daycare so I got Matt to put her in my bed and she fell asleep. We spent a while just watching her.
Matt- Gabby?
Gabby- ya
Matt- what's your plan? I've been looking for my own place but it's hard to pick somewhere not knowing what the future looks like.
Gabby- I can't know what the future looks likes. I have no idea. I don't know if I'll ever be able walk or talk or sit or eat again. I don't know if I'll be able to look after myself let alone Shay.
I've started crying, I hate thinking about this but I know I need to, for Shay.
Matt- I know, I'm sorry, it's just... are you going to stay here? In Chicago
Gabby- yes. We can't leave you
Matt- good, I don't want to lose either of you again.
We're quiet for a minute while I debate whether or not to say anything.
Gabby- I still love you Matt. I don't know what the future will look like and I know it's complicated and even more complicated with Shay but I love you I never stopped loving you.
He was quiet for a minute and I was scared, maybe I shouldn't have said anything.
Matt- I love you too but you hurt me Gabby, you kept my kid from me
Gabby- I know, I'm sorry. I was scared and I was selfish and I'm sorry
Matt- I love you Gabby. I want to work this out but it will take time
Gabby- that's ok. I'm getting lots of practice at being patient.
I joke, trying to break the tension
Matt- ya, I'm sure that's working!
We laugh about then go quiet again

Gabby- I don't know what I'll be able to do, if we get back in a relationship, I don't know
And I'm crying again
Matt- we'll figure it out. Can I pick you up?
Gabby- ya
He picks me up and sits on the chair by my bed with me on his lap. We stay there for a while, until Shay wakes up. She sees my empty chair and doesn't notice us at first so she starts worrying. Matt gets up and carries me over to the bed and sits me on the edge with him. She calms down as soon as she sees us
Shay(signs)- mama dada
She climbs on my lap which makes it even harder to sit and I fall over despite Matt holding me
Shay(signs)- sorry mama
Matt(signs)- its ok
I smile at her to calm her down then look at Matt
Matt- I've got you
He picks me up again and gets me in bed properly then moves my device to the mount on the bed.
Gabby- thanks
We hang out for a bit longer then they leave to go eat and get Shay to bed.

Matt started visiting more often and showing me some of me houses he's looking at.