She's Coming Home

6 months

Time jump- two months later(6 months since the accident, Shay is now 34 months old, almost 3!)

I've made a lot of progress, I can talk but its still really hard and slow and its hard to understand me so I still use the eye gaze a lot.

**from now I'm going to put (📱) when she's using the device, otherwise she's speaking verbally**

I've made progress with eating and have another swallow study soon to see if I can start eating more, not just in therapy, and check if I can drink. I can move my hands a bit more and I can grab things now if they're big enough. I'm trying to sign but I can't really control my arms and hands enough for that. I can sit for a few seconds just being held at my hips and I've been trying sitting in a new chair at therapy. It has a ton of different supports that can be added or removed, I can sit in it for a few minutes with just a seatbelt and I use it with more supports for OT and speech. I can take a few steps in the harness at PT but I'm not very good at it. I'm completely off the vent again and only on oxygen at night, so back on the neuro floor. Today is 6 months since my injury and I'm getting a bunch of tests and scans and then have a meeting with everyone tomorrow to discuss everything. I've just woken up, I'm up early nervous for the next 2 days. After a while April comes in to get me ready.

April- morning!
Gabby- ha
April's one of the people I'll talk with, mostly I'll only talk in front of her, Nat, Maggie, Tonio and my therapists. I just don't like people hearing and watching me struggle with it.
April- ready for your busy day?
Gabby- I guess
April- what's up?
Gabby- ner-ous
I have to repeat myself multiple times before she understands me.
April- what are you nervous about? You've had all these tests before
Gabby- I on't know. (📱) mostly nervous about the meeting tomorrow, I don't like thinking about what I'll be able to do because I know it probably won't be the same as before.
April- Gabby, you'll never be the same as before. Even if you can physically get back to where you were this is always going to be part of your life
Gabby- I know
April- ok, ready to get dressed so you can get this over with?
Gabby- ya
It's a lot easier to get me dressed now, I can help more. Then someone else comes in to help lift me into my chair.
April- do you want your device?
Gabby- ya
April- you know it's ok to talk in front of other people
Gabby- people don't un-erstand a lot
April- I know but you're getting a lot better.  Ready for your MRI?
Gabby- I guess. Boring
April- I know but let's get it over with, we need to see how your brain is doing
Gabby(📱)- my brain is messed up we know that already
April- oh stop, can we go now?
Gabby- ya

They get me in the MRI and I keep talking while it's getting set up. Then Nat starts talking to me through the intercom
Nat- stop talking you're moving around too much
Gabby- when get here?
Nat- that's not being quiet or staying still!
Gabby- fine.
I stopped talking so they could start the MRI. It took a very long time, now I'm heading back to my room and Nat and Dr Rhodes are coming to see me. Nat and April put me back in bed
Nat- ok, dr Abrams will review your MRI and I think he's coming to do a neuro check later
Gabby(📱)- I have not missed those
Nat- we are going to do bloodwork and an exam to check everything out
Gabby- ok
Nat draws some blood and takes all my vitals(I'm always on the pulse ox still). Then she checks my tube and all my most recent scars, dr Rhodes listens to my breathing and checks my trach.
Dr Rhodes- your lungs sound good, stoma looks good from what I can see, I want to check on it more when you have your next trach change but everything looks good.
Nat- your g-tube stoma looks ok too, a bit irritated but its still new. Has it been hurting at all?
Gabby- not really. (📱)- just a bit when people are messing with it
Nat- what does messing with it mean?
Gabby(📱)- cleaning it, turning it. When some people attach the extension, if they're not gentle with it
Nat- ok, that's normal, its just sensitive because its new
Gabby- ya
Nat- also, you're supposed to have a trach change in a few days, should we just do that now?
Dr Rhodes- that would be nice
Gabby- sure. I don't like ch... t...
I give up on trying to say it
Gabby(📱)- trach change but I don't care what day we do it.
Nat- ok, I'll got get everything we need
Gabby(📱)- ok
She came back with a cart and laid everything out, then laid the bed flat and got me positioned with the roll under my neck for the trach change.

Nat- so it's going to be out for a bit longer than usual while he looks at your stoma but I'll watch your SATs and put the new one in as soon as he's done or if your SATs start to drop at all.
I don't like this plan, I hate the feeling when they take it out but I get that he needs to check it.
Nat- ready?
I look at her, it's really hard to talk in this position.
Nat- ok
They both put gloves on then undo the trach ties and Nat pulls it out. Dr Rhodes pokes around my neck which feels weird and doesn't help with my attempts to breathe. I can't breathe properly which is making me panic which just makes my breathing worse
Nat- ok, times up
She puts the new trach in but I'm still panicking which makes in hard to breathe
Nat- Gabby, it's ok, breathe

Nat POV
She's not calming down. This keeps happening, when she gets upset she can't calm down and that just makes her more upset. I quickly put the new trach ties on
Nat- ok, come here, you're ok
I raise her bed so she's up again then I sit next to her and hold her.
Nat- you're ok, breathe
This seems to be the best way to calm her down. It's better if it's Antonio or Matt but when they're not here April or I do it. Just hold her until she calms down, usually she falls asleep. The contact seems to help her ground herself
Nat- I've got you, it's finished, you can breathe
I hate seeing her like this. At first it seemed like only her movement has affected by the TBI but then this started happening. She gets worked up and can't calm down, she also gets overwhelmed easily. Her brain just can't process everything. Connor's still here, he's not sure what to do because he's never seen her like this before.
Nat- can you just turn on the oxygen and pass it to me, then you can go. She just needs time.
Rhodes- sure
He passes it to me and I check the monitor again to see how she's doing
Nat- Gabby, I'm just going to give you some oxygen to help you breathe, it's ok
I gently hook up the oxygen since her O2 levels are lower than I'd like.
Rhodes- what's going on, what can I do?
Nat- not now, just go she needs space
Rhodes- ok
After a few minutes she relaxed and her breathing evened out. I looked and she was sleeping, I stayed for a few more minutes to make sure she was asleep before I carefully got up, made sure everything was good and left her to sleep. She usually slept for a while after a breakdown like this.
I kept everyone out of her room for a while so she could sleep. When she woke up we finished all the tests then she had PT