While the Sun Shines

3.

Nick spent his entire evening and part of the night browsing student housing sites to find a new apartment. In the end, there wasn't much of a point to it. After re-reading the contract with his current landlord, Nick realized he couldn't just stop paying rent and take off until at least two months had passed. He couldn't vanish into the night either because Blake would one-hundred percent help Daan find him at college. 

Nick was stuck here in this apartment. And over the span of a few sleepless hours, he sped through the stages of grief, landing on bargaining by three in the morning. He was supposed to be alone here. That obviously didn't happen. Okay, fine. He could just sit in his room and play possum, and spend as much time as possible on campus at day. There was one problem with that plan, however. Blake was headed for the same campus; all university buildings were clustered together. They would even go to the same exchange student introduction week to kick off the year, which would make it hard to escape and avoid Blake entirely. Especially not with Blake having a knack for making things extra difficult.

At seven a.m. sharp, the silence in Nick's bedroom was disturbed by a sharp knock on his door. Nick blinked his eyes open with a groan, disoriented for a few seconds until an all too familiar voice reminded him of his situation.

"Rise and shine, roomie!" Blake called out through the door, sounding like he was being purposely cheerful to piss Nick off.

It was definitely working. Nick had never been a morning person, and Blake's presence in the building was only making that worse. Nick only tolerated Blake's exaggerated over-the-top flamboyant behaviour at home because he was Sem's friend. Nothing more, nothing less. Nick turned on his side with a frown, facing the wall with the blankets over his head. 

"Nick!" Blake's voice rang out again after Nick failed to respond. He sounded a little further away now, like he was walking to the living room. "How do you like your eggs?"

Nick pressed his fingers to his temples. He seriously contemplated spending his entire day applying for new apartment rooms rather than attending his first day of college. Screw the contract with Daan and the deposit money. Screw the introduction week.

"Got nothing to say?" Blake shouted. "Okay then, I'll pick my favourite: scrambled eggs!"

Nick groaned and chose the very mature reaction of chucking a pillow at the door. It didn't fix anything. It didn't even make him feel any better. Nick rolled himself on his back and got up. With a healthy dose of reluctancy he brushed his teeth, and got dressed.

Just as he had implied, Blake was in the kitchen, preparing a big pan of scrambled eggs and sizzling bacon. It was too much for one person, probably. Maybe. It wouldn't be too much for Nick alone, but he could keep eating until the pan was empty no matter what portions were served. Blake was quite skinny, however, emphasised by the form-fitting tanktop and leggings he seemed to use as pyjamas.  

Blake looked up and smiled at Nick. "Morning," he said.

"Morning," Nick muttered.

Yesterday evening, in all his shock that Blake was there, Nick had forgotten to do groceries. His stomach growled at the scent of food. It smelled so good he would've accepted a share of the breakfast if Blake had offered again, but he didn't. After greeting him, Blake ignored Nick's presence as he added salt to the scrambled eggs and flipped the bacon, humming a cheerful tune. The sizzling in the pan made Nick drool, but he wasn't about to ask Blake if he could have some egg and bacon. He'd find some food on the way to college instead.

Nick went back to his room, packed his bag, and left without another word to Blake. Upon exiting the apartment, Nick's stomach gurgled loudly in protest at walking away from all the delicious scents without having a taste. He ignored it and marched down the street, letting his phone guide the way to campus.

About halfway on the route, Nick found a supermarket and quieted his hangry stomach with raisin buns and fruit. Not nearly as satisfying as bacon and scrambled eggs on toast would've been, but way better for his mental state compared to having to sit with Blake at the breakfast table. 

Despite taking his sweet time at the store, Nick arrived at campus half an hour early. He sat on the benches outside and took out his phone. He'd told himself he'd go dark on social media and in chats with his friends, but old habits were hard to break.

First, Nick felt an impulse to text Sem and complain about him not giving a warning that Blake would be in the Netherlands too. It was an impulse he'd been having since last night, but he stopped himself in time. He left Sem's question about whether he'd arrived and wanted to play a game tonight on read. But notifications popping up on screen were harder to ignore. A jolt went down his spine when "Emma" flashed on screen. His thumb moved to the Instagram notification automatically. 

He shouldn't have looked. 

He should've blocked and deleted her from all his profiles the moment they broke up because nothing she said would add anything to his life, and it'd only mess with his head if he looked at her.

He looked anyway.

Emma's picture showed her smiling widely, posing with her hands flung around a broad man with slick, black hair in an undercut style.

"With my amazing boyfriend <3" the caption read.

Emma had found a new boyfriend, and it wasn't a surprise. Girls like Emma always had a line of guys waiting for her to dump the sod she was with to make a move. Sometimes, they didn't even wait until she'd broken up. When they were still together, Emma had shown Nick some of the thirsty messages dudes sent her in DMs. She had never been single for a long time, and she went out of her way to meet people.

The new guy was an absolute beefcake. Emma had tagged him in her post, and Nick went to his profile. A rugby player named Brad, who played for the Seaside Hawks—a professional rugby team. 

Beefcake Brad was a professional athlete. Meanwhile, Nick was slowly losing his muscles since he stopped playing football intensively. He was actually losing weight because of it, too. He could tell the difference when looking into the mirror, viewing himself from the front and side. It bothered him, yet, the motivation to do something about it had all but vanished. What was the point of going to the gym or to do football drills?

Nick put his phone away, unable to shake the cold, hollow feeling settling in his stomach. Emma's new boyfriend wasn't supposed to bother him. What was done, was done. They'd broken up, and Emma could do whatever she wanted.

It shouldn't matter that Emma had been Nick's one and only girlfriend after he'd chased her all throughout high school. She finally gave him a chance after years, only to realise she was just lying to herself and wasn't into him within six months.

It shouldn't matter that Emma had never posted images of them as a couple together, but with Beefcake Brad she seemed to have no issues showing off. Was it because he was an actual athlete? Emma had sworn Nick quitting football had nothing to do with her dumping him. But Nick couldn't help the nagging voice in his head which told him he'd been dumped because he failed to become a professional football player. Emma had just given the voice extra ammunition.

Nick stood abruptly, sliding his phone back in his pants pocket. There was no point in taking a plane and fleeing if he was just going to live with Blake in an apartment and torment himself with news from home. He'd delete all apps from his phone after class so there would be no more temptation to watch. For the next few months, his life would be studying and watching shows and movies. Alone. 

Nick walked around on campus until he reached an 'acceptable' arrival time range. Being fifteen minutes early was acceptable, so when the clock struck fifteen before nine, Nick followed the signs that led him to lecture hall 2B. Nick took a seat in the corner all the way in the back. There, he waited as time ticked by, and the room slowly filled up with exchange students. Strangers that would remain strangers... and Blake.