While the Sun Shines

27.

If anyone (Blake) asked, Nick had just stepped outside of the apartment to go for a run. Just a casual ten o' clock run on a weekday while they had school tomorrow. Totally not irresponsible and unlike him. There certainly wasn't any bi panic involved, and Nick definitely didn't regret his decision to call Sem the moment he tapped the call icon on his phone. 

While he was still upstairs it'd sounded like a solid idea to confess everything and let Sem talk some sense into him. Now that he was actually dialling, it sounded like the worst idea in the world. What could Sem do? All he would say was go for it and flirt harder until they get the message. He certainly wouldn't understand why Nick wasn't able to do so, even if the person in question was Blake. 

Nick almost ended the call, but Sem picked up before he could change his mind. 

"Hey dumbass," Sem greeted Nick. Nick heard the wind crackling in the background, indicating Sem was also walking outside. "Where have you been? Haven't heard from you in days. So, what's up?" 

What's up? 

What's up?

So many things where up, Nick didn't even know where to start. He could tell Sem off for not mentioning Blake would be in the Netherlands too, then proceed to tell Sem college sucked and leave it at that. A half-truth. Or he could lie and tell Sem everything was fine, talk about the game nights with Carson and Lara, and hang up pretty fast. 

"Why the hell didn't you tell me Blake would be here?" burst out of Nick's mouth. "And I kissed a guy."

There was a silence in which Nick only heard the rustling of the wind. "Whoa," Sem eventually said. "You kissed Blake?" 

"No!"  A couple of passerby's shot Nick judgemental glares and Nick cleared his throat, feeling his face grow hot. "I obviously wouldn't say 'guy' if it was Blake, idiot." 

"Huh," Sem said, before letting another silence fall. "Well then, I guess everyone uses their time away from home to experiment." 

Nick sighed, partially in relief. It wasn't like he expected Sem to make a big deal out of his actions here, but there was always that off-chance people reacted differently than you expected when you confided in them. There was still the matter of how Sem would react if Nick said he maybe kinda had a thing for Blake. But he wasn't going to admit that out loud any time soon; he hardly even admitted it to himself.

"I didn't plan to 'experiment' okay," Nick said. "It just kinda happened in the moment."

Sem hummed. "You don't have to explain it. It's a good thing. Rather that than sitting in your room moping all day. Did you go to a gay bar with Blake or something?" 

"No, no! No gay bars!" Nick thought about it for a moment. That actually wasn't true. "Okay, there was one gay bar, but I did not go there voluntarily and it wasn't because of Blake."

"How do you not go there voluntarily? Just say no."

Just say no? Like it was that easy. Sem would do that, but Nick wasn't like Sem who could bluntly brush people off without caring what the other person thought or felt. "It wasn't that easy, okay?"

"Yeah, because you make everything hard for yourself."

"Low blow."

"Speaking of making things hard: how's it working out, you and Blake in one apartment?"

Nick scowled. "Yeah, about that: thanks for mentioning Blake would be in my apartment before I arrived, by the way."

"Hey, don't pin that on me," Sem replied, matching Nick's indignant tone. "I couldn't know you'd end up in the same fucking apartment. The odds of that are astronomically small."

"You still could've said something about us being in the same country before I found out this way."

"Sure, I'll keep it mind for next time."

Nick rolled his eyes. Judging by Sem's flippant tone, if he wanted any sort of apology from the guy, he could wait a very long time. "But it's alright living together now, I guess. For the most part." 

"Really?" Sem asked. "But you're always so weird around him. Then again, I mean, if you're out there kissing guys now."

He didn't understand. Why had Nick ever considered calling Sem a good idea again? Nick raised his eyes to the night sky above him, as if he'd find the answer in the city smog. Sem was blunt. Nick appreciated that about Sem most of the time, but he wasn't ready to hear Sem's unsalted reaction to what was going on with Blake.

"I don't have anything against Blake..." Nick said. 

It was the truth: he'd never shut down conversations with Blake because he didn't like him—it was more self-protection because he thought Blake couldn't stand him. Because he'd wedged himself in-between Sem and Nick in a way, and Nick didn't know how to deal with things not being the same anymore as before. He'd felt resentful at times.  

"But?" Sem asked, clearly sensing the hesitation in Nick's words.

Nick sighed. "Nothing. That's it. We're fine sharing an apartment, and we will be fine for the rest of the semester."

Oh god. They would be here the entire semester. Over eleven weeks to go. Nick's pulse quickened until he felt it in his throat. Eleven more weeks of Blake smiling at him, asking if they could have dinner together, and nestling himself on the couch looking adorable. He'd start noticing Nick watching him. He'd definitely know. 

"No, but really," Sem insisted. "I always thought you were weird around Blake because he's gay and thinks you're cute. But apparently that's not it. So, why?"

"Of course it's not because he's ga—" Nick started defending himself, and then the second part of Sem's words processed. Nick's voice stopped working mid-sentence. A squeaky sound came out of his throat before he managed to get another word out. "What?" 

"He's gay and he thinks you're cute," Sem repeated mercilessly. "And you're weird about it, and fucking get over it already. That's why I kept inviting you together." 

Nick stopped walking. He didn't care he was right in the middle of a busy street and people had to walk around him to pass. Nothing after 'he thinks you're cute' registered in Nick's brain. All he could do was just stand there motionlessly and repeat, "What?"

"What, what?" Sem replied impatiently.

"What?" Nick stammered again like a stuck, old turntable. 

"It's obvious. Why else do you think he kept picking on you all the time?" 

"I don't know!" Nick called out. His entire face was on fire and he knew it had to show, but he didn't even care anymore that people in the street were looking at him. "Because he thinks I'm a dumbass?" 

"He'd be right." Sem snorted. "Well, glad to hear you're getting along now, anyway. And I just got home so I'm going to take off." 

Nick glared at his phone, even if Sem couldn't see it. "Wait! No! You can't drop this on me and leave!" 

Sem laughed. "Drop what? Obvious things you should've noticed yourself? Have fun out there. Talk to you later."

"Se-"

Sem ended the call before Nick could even finish saying his name. After a few moments of stunned, shocked silence, Nick started walking again. He took out his AirPods and slipped them into his pocket. Still, he heard Sem's words on repeat: he thinks you're cute. He thinks you're cute.