While the Sun Shines

15.

Everything was fun and games until Nick and Alex reached the front door of Nick's apartment. 

Alex had assured Nick he wasn't expecting anything, but honestly, who didn't have any expectations at all when you ask them to come home with you? Nick knew he'd hoped for more every time Emma asked him to drop her off at home after a party. Not to mention that Nick had admitted to almost having kissed Alex before. 

By the time they arrived on the doorstep, Nick's heart was in his mouth. He opened the door, hoping Alex couldn't see his hands shake, and let his guest inside first. Then he pressed a finger to his lips to remind Alex he had to be quiet because Blake was sleeping. The last thing Nick wanted was Blake waking up and coming out of his room to check what all the talking in the hallway was about. 

If they were in the living room, Blake could wake up at any time and catch them.  Nick glanced at his own bedroom door, but he was immediately overwhelmed by nerves at the thought of taking Alex there. It was the safest option because he could lock the door to keep Blake out for sure, but that was way too forward.

In a snap judgement, Nick guided Alex to the living room, purposely only switching on the standing lamp in the corner of the room so the light wouldn't be too visible from the hall. Alex plopped himself down on the couch, hands resting on his thighs. Nick sat down next to him, feeling about as awkward as Alex looked. 

Alex cleared his throat. He smiled, but the nerves radiating off of him in waves. "Well, this is a first to me too I gotta say. Going home with a 'straight' guy who has never been with a guy before." 

"Right." A nervous laugh escaped Nick's mouth. 

Nick had hoped with all his might that Alex would make the first move, but it seemed like he was waiting for Nick. Which was the considerate thing to do, of course, since Nick had shown signs of not being sure about this. How dare he be considerate and make this harder? 

Nick breathed in and out deeply. He steeled himself, fought past all his jitters and doubts, and placed his hand on Alex' in one swift movement, before he could chicken out.  Alex all but jolted in surprise, but then slowly turned his hand around and entwined their fingers. The gesture and the look of anticipation on Alex' face made Nick's heart work overtime. But still, Alex didn't lean in. He was waiting for Nick to come to him.

What the hell am I doing? Nick questioned himself over and over as he squeezed Alex' hand and started leaning in. He'd basically already made his decision outside, when he asked Alex to come home with him it was clear where this was headed, so why was he scared now? Alex was right: it was only a kiss. It wasn't the end of the world if he liked it or didn't like it, and it shouldn't be made larger than it was.

Nick stopped when his lips were mere inches away from Alex' lips.  He smelled Alex' aftershave and felt his breath fanning his face. While Nick hesitated to go through with this, Alex finally grew impatient. He closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to Nick's.

Alex' lips were soft. Nick's eyes fluttered closed. While his brain kept yelling at him, reminding him he was kissing a guy, Nick's heart was into it and so was his body. The alcohol in his veins and the shivers down his spine made rationality fade to the background. Nick wrapped his arms around Alex, pressing their bodies together. When Alex moaned quietly into their deepening kiss at Nick's gesture, again reminding the latter  that he was kissing a man here, he wasn't turned off by the sound.

Alex' hands grew bold and slipped underneath Nick's shirt, running up and down his abs and chest. Nick didn't stop him. He enjoyed Alex' gentle touches. But when Alex' hands started wandering down further and his fingers reached for the zipper next, Nick froze. Alex pulled his hand away and broke their kiss.

"Too much?" he mumbled.

On the one hand, in the heat of the moment, Nick wanted it. On the other, he really didn't. A rather vivid image of him with a cock in his mouth and sucking it flashed through Nick's mind. The idea of putting his lips on Alex there was so foreign to Nick's brain he couldn't decide what he thought about it. Besides, he didn't know Alex that well. What if he had some sort of STD? Far as Nick knew, there weren't any condoms in the apartment because he hadn't planned any of this, and he sure as hell wasn't asking Blake. 

Yeah, and if that was his main concern, a lack of condoms, and not the fact there would be a cock in his mouth in this scenario... Jesus Christ, that's really gay.

"Let's just—don't go there," Nick stammered.

Alex hummed in affirmation and kissed Nick again. His hands continued exploring Nick's chest and abs, then moved down to palm his ass through his jeans, but he didn't go near zippers or buttons again. Nick relaxed. His thoughts slowed even if his pulse didn't. This wasn't different from kissing a woman. It wasn't gross, or uncomfortable. It felt good and warm, even if he wasn't yet daring enough to touch Alex in the same manner as he was touching him. 

When they broke apart a few moments later, Alex smiled at Nick, pressing their foreheads together. "See? Not that scary huh?" he teased. "Nobody died because we made out."

"Yeah yeah," Nick grumbled to Alex' teasing, but he couldn't stop himself from smiling too.

"So, wanna watch a movie or something?" Alex shifted and leaned back on the couch, but casually left his arm around Nick's shoulder. As with many things tonight, Nick wasn't sure he liked it, but he didn't dislike it either. Perhaps it was just something new to get used to as women didn't tend to do that. Not with romantic intentions, anyway.

"I'll get my laptop," Nick said. "I think I can hook it up to the television but I haven't tried yet."

Alex snorted. "Seems like you're doing lots of things you hadn't tried yet tonight."

Nick chuckled at Alex' quip, but he went dead quiet as he entered the hallway, tiptoeing to his bedroom door. Blake's door was closed. He was probably asleep, but a sense of paranoia that Blake could hear what they were saying in the living room crept over Nick. He really should've been more careful and told Alex to keep his voice down when they talked about what they were doing together. 

Nick's worries went up in smoke, however, as walked back into the living room with his laptop and saw Alex had grabbed the bottle Sambuca plus two glasses.

"Are you serious? Even more liquor?" Nick laughed. "You said nobody died but we might if we keep drinking."

Alex shrugged. "Not the worst way to go. At least I won't have to go home tomorrow then."

Right. Alex was going home tomorrow. 

This was a one time event; Nick wasn't going to see him again soon. 

He couldn't be sad over someone he'd only known for hours leaving—that didn't make sense. Nick just wished he could say that to the sudden dull sensation in his chest and make it stop. Alex would go home and forget about him. Nick would go back to his life as a recluse, dating nobody. Men nor women. That was simply the way thing had to be, and he'd better accept it. 

However, he didn't have to accept it just yet. Nick walked over to the couch, sat down, and accepted the glass with liquor from Alex. Impulsively, he leaned in and pressed another kiss to Alex' lips.

Alex' eyes were round when Nick pulled back, but it didn't take long before he grinned. "I'll say cheers to that."

Nick clinked their glasses together. "Cheers to that."