Unseen

-5-

     James looks everywhere, absurdly uncomfortable and before I can say anything else, or he gives a  reply to my questions, he turns around and runs away and I’m too awestruck to move for three whole seconds, which gives him a lot of advantage.

“JAMES!” I cry when I finally react and run downstairs to catch up with him, the desperation making me clumsy and I almost trip once. Not that I care if I fall or anything, no one but James would see me and I can’t die. Not again, at least. “Please, wait!” I beg almost reaching him when he’s leaving the building. “Please.”

Reluctantly, he turns around and looks at me with these pitiful eyes. It hurts, it hurts enormously but at the same time it’s so thrilling because it’s been so long since someone actually met my eyes. Since someone regarded my existence even if it was for a second. Oh God, how much I’ve missed this. I still can’t believe it is happening.

James looks around, maybe making sure no one else is around. Then .he cusses under his breath. “Shit, shit, shit!”

“Don’t run, please. I— I don’t know why you can see me or why you can actually hear me, but I can’t remember when I was this happy. Do you understand how—?”

My question is interrupted by him. “Please, Paige, leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you or anyone else. I’m begging you, leave me alone.”

“But how can I—?” I try again but he shakes his head.

“Leave me alone. Don’t you understand those words? I’m busy and contrary to you, I am alive and I need to do my assignments. I have deadlines hanging on me and I can’t afford to flunk my classes,” he tells me and I feel terrible. “I should’ve known better. No wonder why you never worked I thought you were just… ugh!” he groans before running his hands over his dreads. I notice they are shorter than the first time I saw him, which means maybe he cut them. I also notice his hair is lighter than I first saw. Not just plain brown but like dirty blond and now the dreads reach past his shoulders. He keeps them tied at his nape, with another dread surrounding them all like an elastic band. He’s normally wearing the hood up or with a beanie, but with the frustration now he has pulled the hood down. I also notice his eyes today are bluer than usual and I wonder if it’s because, miraculously, the sun is shining right now, although there are many dark clouds around and it’s clear this won’t last.

“I know but this… it’s just that… don’t you know what it’s like having no one to talk? Ever?”

“I don’t but I wish I knew. You seem incapable of understanding that I don’t wanna talk. Leave me alone!” he yells and I blink in surprise, trying to keep my expression neutral.

I can’t cry. I feel like crying and all that, but I can’t physically cry. I’m dead, after all. I’m stuck as I died, with the same clothes, the same hair and the same body fluids. I can’t cry, I can’t bleed, I can’t anything. I just… exist. In a weird way.

“It’s not nice,” I mumble and he shakes his head.

“Let me know that! Ugh, just stop following me, okay? Stop talking to me. Leave me alone!”

This time he doesn’t wait for a reply from me, he just turns around and leaves with long strides that increase the distance between us quickly. I don’t move. I just wrap my arms around my own body, trying to pull myself together. So many emotions swirling inside of me, tackling me from every direction.

It’s been so long since I died. I don’t know how long, I don’t even remember how it happened or when it happened. My memories are scarce and they merge, making it all confusing. I don’t know if what I remember happening was when I was alive or when I was dead. The only thing I’m certain of is that the bullying stopped. That it was chaos and hell and then it was silence. No one looked at me, no one talked to me, no one answered me and I was all by myself.