Unseen

-19-

"Wow, this is an old cat," James says when Luna comes running downstairs and looks at us surprised because I'm not alone and there's a guest in our house. No one ever comes. She overcomes her surprise pretty soon because next thing I know she is rubbing herself against James' legs, purring and making little sounds to get his attention.

I watch as he kneels down to pick her up and then holds her against his chest. She is delighted, purring and kneading his chest. James wears an adorable smile that captivates me and leaves me trapped in a trance I can't seem to escape from. His expression softens so much and his eyes seem to sparkle. I couldn't have imagined he'd change like that with a cat or that he would like one so much.

There goes the old theory of James' being a werewolf.

"Oh, aren't you a cutie one? And so fluffy," he talks, still too into Luna as to pay attention to the way I'm staring at him. "Oh, you like that?" he asks next when she purrs even louder the moment he starts scratching under her chin.

I chuckle, I can't help it and that seems to get his attention. He meets my eyes with blushed cheeks and an embarrassed smile.

"Her name is Luna," I tell him and his eyes are back on my cat, smiling widely again.

"Hello, Luna. It's a pleasure to meet you." I can't stop smiling as the scene unfolds in front of me. He looks just too cute for words.

"She loves you. When I pet her she never purrs that loud or seems that happy," I comment and he just smiles at me.

For a moment I can only look at this picture perfect but then I remember his first comment when he saw my cat, about her being old. So I lose my smile and look at Luna more closely, trying to see that. I saw her when she was a kitten and I guess she's grown but is she really old? I haven't really noticed that, but then I don't pay attention to many things. I just... go with the flow, almost automatically without a second thought. And I can't always remember how things are or were.

"Is she old?" I ask out loud. "How old do you think she is?"

"You don't know?" he asks and I shake my head. "When did she get here? Before or after you... got stuck?" The fact that he doesn't say the word die or ghost doesn't go unnoticed, but right now there's another fact more important than that.

"Before," I answer. "Mum got her to help. She heard cats are good when someone is depressed."

"Well, that's something good," he says, still petting Luna. "Cats live an average of fifteen to twenty years so that means you can't possibly have been like this longer than that," he explains and I understand he didn't mean that Mum's idea was good as I thought first. "That narrows things a bit. Now, looking at her I don't think she's twenty or that old, but she is several years old for sure," his voice loses strength as he speaks until it's barely a whisper. Even his hand stops moving through Luna's fur.

Several years.

I've been dead for several years. Even if it's one or two or three it is still a lot. So Roxy was right, it was before she got to college. I close my eyes and try to remember, to concentrate and think of other students before her. Maybe even my classmates! But all I have are faceless people in my memory. I can't really remember one single person before the classmates I have now.

How many years has it been? How many generations?

"Paige..." he calls my name so I open my eyes again and meet his blue ones. "When were you born?" he asks next and I blink.

Oh! That would help us know what would be my age right now and then do the math.

"In May," I reply but as soon as those two words leave my lips I realise how useless they are. I concentrate a bit more, trying to recall the day I was born but I can't even remember that, less alone the year. "I-I don't remember my birthday," I laugh, a chocked laughter that sounds crazy and desperate. "Of course I don't remember my birthday. Why don't I remember anything important? Why do I just remember the pain?"