Unseen

-40-

          I was scared, nervous and unsure. Couldn't James show me a little bit more of support instead of scolding me like that? Okay, so maybe I did something wrong, but it wasn't consciously done, I was driven by the panic of the moment. I was still shaky and confused, but he didn't give me time to recover before rubbing in my face the thing I did wrong.

And still! I thought we had this settled. Why is it so terrible if I stay forever? It's not like I can die again, I'm already dead. What else do I have to lose?

Is it so wrong that I want him to hold on to me even tighter?

As I hug my legs with my back pressed to the door of the main room, that is all I can think of. How I just want him to want me around as much as I want to stay with him. But he always has an excuse, some fear, and I'm honestly starting to believe he doesn't want me to stay with him. Maybe he's scared, maybe such a serious commitment is a terrifying thing, especially for a guy. Perhaps I'm asking too much of him, what normal seventeen-year-old guy would want to commit himself to a ghost girl until the very end?

All sort of insecurities don't cease to attack me, from every direction, ruthless until I don't know what to think or to feel. I thought I had everything sorted out, my decision made and everything else clear, but now my head is in a haze and I don't know where to turn, which direction in order to escape this.

"Paige? Are you there?" a voice asks from the other side, accompanied by a soft knock. "Paige, let's talk."

"I don't think there's anything else to say," I reply, although my face is still between my knees, hence why my answer sounds muffled.

"Of course there is!" he shouts, startling me. "You always decide what I say or think, you never let me explain things to you! You put words in my mouth and you need to stop doing that! Right now you're thinking I don't want you with me and you couldn't be more wrong about it!"

I lift my head a bit, blinking in surprise because James has never talked to me like that. Only once he shouted at me with such rage in his voice, only once he sounded as fed up with me as he does now. Right after I discovered he could see me, and he realised I was a ghost. When he hurt me so deep with insults and cruel words, telling me to get lost because he didn't want me around.

The memory, something that happened so long ago, hurts. All that I felt back then comes to me mercilessly. James is angry with me right now, and I don't even know what to do.

"I don't want you away from me," he says next, his voice sounding weak, shaky, almost broken. "I can't even describe how much the mere thought hurts, but I'm just so scared of what might happen to you." There's a soft thump against the door, I think he's just banged his head against the wood, or something like that. I stand up, feeling still so feeble and out of my element, but I manage to face the wall and press my hand against it. I don't know if he has his at the other side or anything, but doing this soothes my heart somehow. "Ghosts aren't supposed to be here. Ghosts exist because their time on Earth was cut short, because they weren't supposed to die so soon. That means... that means you're not supposed to be here if you learnt your lesson already. And I'm scared that something might happen to you now that you're not just staying because you haven't finished your business but because you're overstaying."

"What could happen to me?" I say, my voice low and fragile, like his. "I'm already dead."

"You think that's the worst that could happen?!" snaps James. "Do you know what happened to you when you disappeared for a week? Where did you go back then?" I can't answer that and he knows it, that week is completely gone from my memory, not even a slight recollection of where I went or what I became during that time. "What if something like that happens again, permanently?"