Unseen

-39-

Without asking anything, James only comforts me. I feel shaky and ethereal, as if all I am has been ripped off of me, and now I'm a shadow lingering on this dimension, holding on to whatever I can get my hands on. I think I'm taking energy from James because after a while he can't even hold us both, his breathing becomes hard and uneven before his knees give out.

"Are you okay?" I ask him when we have collapsed to the ground. I pull away just in case it's my fault he's like this. I've hurt him, I've almost frozen him, but I have never drained him like this.

"Just... let me catch my breath," he asks, struggling to do so.

I watch in concern how he takes deep breaths just to pull himself together, but not even that helps so I head to the kitchen in my weak state, stumbling and tripping, but I make it there and I grab a cup that I fill with lukewarm water, and put some sugar in it before going back to James. I notice then he's lost all colour and looks as pale as a ghost, pun intended.

Hands tremble when he grabs the cup I've brought for him; weakly, he takes a sip and cringes at how sweet it is. I don't even know if it works, I think it does, I might've heard about it when I was alive or dead, who knows?

"Are you feeling any better?" I ask, completely ignoring how feeble I feel, I'm more worried about James.

"Yeah, I'm not sure what happened. I suddenly felt like I had run three marathons," he comments, his voice low and whispery.

"I think it was my fault." The guilt rushes to me like waves in a tsunami, I don't even receive an alarm, beforehand, I'm just drowned in it before I realise what's happening. "I... I think I stole your vitality."

"But you've never done that before," James refutes, already trying to ease my worry and guilt.

"I think I was in desperate need now, like never before. I was... feeling weaker than I've ever felt."

"Is it because we're here? Should we go back home?" James asks in panic but I shake my head. I'm pretty sure the real reason why I'm feeling like this is because of what happened after James arrived.

Shaking my head, I add, "I just... I shouldn't be here?" It ends like a question because I'm not even sure about what I'm saying. This is unknown to me, I've never crossed over before and no one has prepared me for it.

"What do you mean?" He asks, his hand trying to grab mine but I avoid him. If I'm right and I'm the one who stole his vitality, then I can't touch him until I feel more like myself.

"Something happened before you came," I start, feeling a lump in my throat already at the mere memory of it. In my head I see the creature again, what came for me, and I shiver. Was that supposed to be the Grim Reaper? "I... I realised I had finally let go of my grudge and that I was happy with you, and I guess... I guess you were right. My lesson was letting go and living my own life. If I had done that when I was alive, if I hadn't listened to the bullies or given them the power to break me, if I had forgiven them for being so wrong and lived my life instead, holding on to my family, it would've been different. If I had even told my parents the hell I was living in and asked them to look for a better life, away from here... everything would've been different. But I held on to their words instead, I listened to them and believed them right. I focused on what they thought of me instead of looking for my own future and happiness somewhere else. I started hating and resenting them when I should've ignored them or turned my back on them."

"It's hard to know what to do when you are under constant attack," James reminds me and I nod.

"It's just darkness and self-hatred when you're living that. It's impossible to see logic, even if someone is telling you what to do. I was weak back then because I couldn't understand what I had to do. Fifteen years later I learn my lesson."