Unseen

-38-

      James and I try new ways to leave town without exhausting me so much, but the results are basically the same. I need to be next to my ashes if I distance myself too much from college, and if when being away I dare to step more then five metres from my ashes, then I'm left completely drained out.

Another thing we've tried is James putting a bit of my ashes in a smaller container and carrying them with him. It's easier than with the whole urn, but still, it doesn't allow me to stay more than a week away from Street. I think that if we leave Street then we'll have to come back quite often, which means we can't go too far if we have to travel every weekend.

But aside from figuring out what to do, we've been together. There's no purpose, nothing we're after aside from finding the best way to be with the other. Yet, it's been the best time of my life. It's mundane and ever so simple, just the two of us. Cold hand in warm hand. Blue eyes staring into brown ones. James and Paige, Paige and James... even if no one else an see us. Even if what we have exists only for the two of us, and Clyde.

I can't have a life on my own, but I'm still enjoying so much my time with James. Living through him doesn't seem like such a bad thing when it is working so well. I get to work on pieces and help him lessen the burden from all the college work. I know I can't grow old and I'll never have the things every human being is granted in one way or another, but I'll experience them through James and that feels okay. I'll be there somehow when he gets his diploma, when he goes to uni and then gets a job. I'll be there when he gets sick and when he feels the strongest. I'll be there when he has a rough day and when everything is working for him. I'll be there.

Our future is clearly complicated, but it's something we're working on.

"What if..." James ponders one night when we've finished watching a family comedy. "If we ever want to have a family, we look for a kid that's like me?"

My brow furrows in confusion, not sure what he exactly means. "Can you rephrase that?"

James blushes and seems to struggle with the words, as if it were too embarrassing for him. "I mean in the future. It seems that it weights on you that I'm giving up on having a family of my own, but I was thinking maybe it isn't a complete lost cause. We can adopt a kid, and look everywhere until we find one that can see ghosts like I do. Someone that can see you, too. I can't be the only person in the world with the ability to see ghosts." Words are stuck in my throat, prisoner of the surprise his idea has brought upon me. "It's just an option, I'm not saying we should try that, but if we ever want that, then, well, we could try it."

"Oh," I mumble as I try to process exactly what he's said and what that means.

A future, even a family. We've been planning our lives together for a while already, seeing how to work around that, but every once in a while he comes up with a new thing to give more normalcy to our uncanny situation. James and Clyde are all I have right now, but that could be different in the future. We could find someone like him, a kid that we could give a good life to. I didn't think I wanted such a thing, I honestly gave up on the idea the moment I realised I had succeeded and ended my life; since I knew I had become a ghost and was stuck in the same day for eternity.

Perhaps it won't be possible, maybe I will never be ready or able to be a mother to anyone because I'll be seventeen forever, but there's also a possibility that I might be able to do that, and it's so soothing knowing there's a chance. It's reassuring knowing there isn't just one way.

"It's an option we should keep in mind for the future," I add next, a slow and almost lazy smile coming to my lips. "It's good knowing not all is lost in that sense." I chew on my lower lip, trying to contain my excitement because there's another way.