stained heart

True self

WARNING- This chapter includes mentions of starvation and overeating. It also includes mentions of forced sex.

Mavis-

I'm at school right now. I did my hair today and wore a hoodie with baggy jeans like I always do. "Hey mav." I hear a voice say. I turn around and quickly recognized the face. "Hey Jay." I said greeting my friend. He sat next to me under the tree as i read. "What are you doing?" I asked him. "Your mom." He said back laughing. God he asks like he's twelve sometimes. "JAY" I screamed as i lightly punched him in the arm. "God your so unfunny it's sad." I said rolling my eyes. I focused myself back on the book i was reading. "Look at the ugly bitches." I hear a male voice say and of course it's him. "Fuck off Luke." I said as i rolled my eyes. "Awh did he hurt your feelings?" A soft voice asked. I looked up to see Amber. She straighten her hair today. It looks nice. "What are you staring at loser?" She asked with a disgusted look. I straighten myself out as i just looked down. "Let's leave these loners." Noah said teasing. I just sighed as i looked at Jay. "They are fucking dickheads." He said while groaning. "Yeah." I said while laughing. These people always got on my nerves and i hated all of them. Except for one. Why did i have to be in love with Amber? She hates my guts. I've liked her for some time now and i can't seem to stop. She's so pretty but always has her little boy toy. She's dating Luke, of course she is. The most popular guy with the most popular girl. I know she won't ever like me back because she's a 'she' and i'm also a 'she'.

I walked into art class together with Jay, finally our last class of the day. and someone stands out. I see Amber talking with her friends, she noticed me staring at her and gave me a disgusted look. I quickly look away and gave my focus back to the brunette. We found a spot in the back and we sat there. The teacher was always late. I pulled out a book and just started reading as Jay took the time to go on his phone. My eyes wander from the book back to her again. I couldn't help it. She was facing the other way so i managed to catch a glimpse of her. She straighten her hair today. She wore a mini skirt with a tank top, she also wore a cardigan over it. She seemed.. uncomfortable?

Amber-

I sat down with my friends and never once did he look at me. I straighten my hair today, did my makeup and god i even wore nice clothes. He says he loves me when were alone but when were around people he doesn't even look at me. He asked me yesterday if i could wear something revealing and as much as i hate it i did. He said i looked like a sexy porn star. Can't he ever just tell me that i'm pretty? He likes it when i wear revealing clothes, he likes it when i agree to have sex with him but he never likes to go on dates. He never wants to just hangout. But if that's what he wants.. that's what he gets. I have no say.

Mavis-

I stopped my thinking as the teacher walked in. She seemed to be in a good mood. "Good morning guys, first off I have some exciting news." She said with a happy look on her face. "Oh what do you think it could be?" Jay asked me. "I have no idea." I answered him back. "We are going on a school field trip, before anyone asks i'll be picking the room mates." She said. Everyone started getting all excited. I looked over to Jay who also was happy. "Shit i hope we can be room mates." He said. "Probably not since your a guy." I answered him back. "Oh yeah." He said a bit disappointed. I just hope i'm not room mates with a dick. The teacher started announcing the room mates. "Jay your with Aiden." the teacher said. Lucky Aiden was quiet, he wasn't a dick. I could see Jay wasn't too disappointed by that. The teacher started talking again "Amber your with Mavis." She said. My heart dropped. Fuck this has to be a mistake. "Ew i'm not going with that loner." She said laughing at me. I looked down, i felt tears starting to form in my eyes. I couldn't cry, not in front of her and not in front of everyone. I can't humiliate myself again. I managed to stop the tears from falling. "Shit that's bad." Jay said. "I know." I groaned out. "The field trip is this saturday, tell your parents to fill this paper in agreeing that you can go or else you can't." She said. "Should i just not go?" I asked Jay. "No you should, don't let those assholes get the better of you." He said while he gave me a hug. "Thanks Jay." I said hugging him. He really was a nice guy. Soon enough the bell rang, i backed away from Jay as i see Amber staring at me with a disgusted look. "Fucking loser." She said before leaving. I pulled myself together this time. Let her go, she hates you. I got out of the class and walked together with Jay, we lived pretty close. I said bye to him as i unlocked my door. From the corner of my eye i see someone and i felt my heart beating. Fuck i keep forgetting she's my neighbour. A great way to get over her.

Amber-

As i walked to my door i felt eyes on me. Of course it's Mavis, she kept staring at me. What a fucking loser. I just ignored it as i walked in, because my day couldn't get any shittier. "Oh hi dad." I said to him but i didn't get a response. "Could you fill this in so i can go on a school field trip? I just hear a groan before he got a pen and signed it. He didn't say another word to me. He's just a drunk. I stopped trying as i just went in to the bathroom. I closed my bathroom door as i looked in the mirror. Do i have to try harder? What does it take for him to like me and not my body? I dropped down to the floor, feeling tears start to drop down. Every single day, i'm on the floor in the bathroom crying. When does it ever stop? I hear a notification sound coming from my phone and i picked it up. It's Luke. Maybe he's gonna tell my that i looked pretty. A smile appeared on my face as i opened the message.

"Hey babe."

"Hey Luke :)"

He started typing.

"Come over, i want to have sex."

My heart skipped a beat. Is he fucking serious? Is that all he wants from me?

"No i'm not in the mood."

I answered him back, i wasn't in the mood this time.

"Why the fuck not? Your being a bitch."

"I'm just not in the mood."

I decided to just leave it there. I didn't want to have sex. I never do, but he likes when we do so i normally do but i'm tired. I get up from the floor as i looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like ass. My mascara's running all over my face. I grabbed some makeup wipes and got it off. I took my clothes off and just threw on some sweats. I walked out and got on my bed. I spot something from far away and it was.. lingerie. God every time i have sex with him i feel so.. dirty afterwards. I looked at it in disgust before throwing it in a laundry basket. I guess i fell asleep since that was the last thing i remembered.

Mavis-

I walked in my house and I see Mason. He's my older brother, I live with him because our parents died at a young age and he was a legal adult so he took responsibility for me. "Sup." He said to me as he got off the couch. "Hey, nothing much just tired of the dicks at my school." I said sitting down next to him on the couch. "I fucking hate those bitches i swear to god i'll-" God he's so overprotective. "Chill, it's fine." I said laughing. "Okay, there's leftovers if you want them." He said. "I-I'm not hungry." I said covering my stomach. In reality i was. Mason knows, i try to starve myself. "Hey i know it can be difficult but you got to at least try to eat Mav." He said with a concerned look. "I know, I know." I said groaning. "I'll try soon but for now can you sign this for a school field trip?" I said as i handed him a paper. "Yeah sure." He said and grabbed the pen i gave to him. "Thanks." I said shoving the paper back in my bag. "Can i rest first, i'm tired." I asked him. He agreed and i went to my room. I just threw everything on the floor. How the fuck am i gonna be room mates with her? I groaned before getting on my bed. I laid there for a few until i got a text from Mason. "Please eat Mav." I sigh before agreeing. I still try to stop eating for a little while but the moment i eat again i end up eating too much. I feel disgusted at myself afterwards. I go downstairs to see him with some fries waiting for me. "Hey" I said sitting down next to him. He hands me a few fries. It took a few mins but i eventually decided to just eat. "Proud." He said smiling at me. I softly smiled back as i ate with him. We ate and talked for about two hours until i decided to go in my room. I finished eating and looked at myself in the mirror. I raised my shirt to look at myself. It's not too bad. I take a deep breathe before deciding to get ready to go to sleep. I finished and got my phone. Strange, Amber didn't post on her story today. Normally she always does. I closed my phone before getting into my bed. I already said good night to Mas