Ashes Blow Away

Chapter Twenty Five

She is eight, he is five.

They twirl through the tall grass, fingers interlocked, dancing a dance that mesmerises me. Peeta squeezes my hand as we watch them.

" Time for dinner," I call quietly, not wanting to interrupt them.

Everly pushes her long, brown hair out of her face and grins. " The sun feels so warm. How come we don't come here more often, mama?"

Because it's a graveyard, Everly. The dead are buried her. People I knew. People I loved.

" I don't know," I say blandly. " We should."

She smiles, satisfied, and plops herself down beside Peeta. River worms his way into my lap.

" You're too big," I groan playfully. He looks up at me and grins. I purse my lips and he leans up for a kiss, giggling when I tickle is stomach.

Everly jumps in to get his underarms and, together, we tag team him, until his laughter rings out through the woods.

" Okay," Peeta says when we're finally down. " Let's eat."

Quietly, we dine on our sandwiches and fruit. Everly pulls out a tub of cookies, that she made all by herself, without Peeta's help. I pluck one from the tub and take a bit.

" Mmm," I moan. " These are delicious, Everly. They taste like daddy made them."

She raises an eyebrow. " I made them."

" I know, sweetheart." I laugh at her disgruntled look. " That's a compliment."

" Oh!" she grins. " Thank you!"

River plucks a cookie, too. " Thanks, sissy."

" It's all good, River."

There is a long moment of silence while we eat. Then Everly grabs River's hand and they bound into the middle of the meadow. I stand up.

Peeta snakes his arms around my waist, lying me down as he does so. I smile as he holds himself above me.

" So," I say, through a giggle.

" So," he says, his lips meeting my own. I hold them in place with a hand on his waist.

" Ew! Kissing alert!"

I jump, knocking noses with Peeta. He grimaces and says, " Well, that's a way to ruin the moment."

Everly giggles, placing a hand on each of our cheeks. " You have to keep a distance of at least three inches! And no lip touching! None! At all."

I nod, kissing her hand. " Okay, baby. We promise."

She laughs and runs away, towards River. " It's all clear, River! You can stop covering your eyes."

Peeta laughs, wrapping an arm around my waist. " Looks like we're going to have to be sneaky with this."

" Looks like it," I say.

I smile, realising that this has been a good day. The third one in a row. But, three nights ago, Peeta had an attack and I had a nightmare. All in the same night. I had to lock the door and just hope and pray the kids didn't hear it. Any of it.

People think we're free. But we're not. I still have nightmares. And I can't help but feel put out for several days after them. But slowly I come round. Ever so slowly.

Every day is a battle. It's hard not to just give in, to let temptation win and allow my misery to swallow me. It's the kids that stop me from doing this. But it's still difficult.

Then again, days like these make the deaths fall away. They make everything worth it. However, when I do feel close to dying, I play the game. I make a list of everything good in my life, and oftentimes I find that the good out ways the bad. That's enough to keep me going.

The questions are just beginning, and that makes the horrors fresh. At Everly's age, at least I can be a bit more truthful, but with River, everything has to be polished over.

But I want them to know. I want them to know about dad, and I want them to know about Prim, and Gale. I want them to know it was him who kept me alive, and my little sister. I want them to know that Annie used to have a husband named Finnick, and I want them to know he was handsome and smart. I want them to know about everyone who saved me. I owe that to not only them, but the people missing from their lives. The people they won't ever get to know.

I know I'm lucky. I made it out of the rebellion, and others didn't. But I am not unscathed. The scars I see each time I look in the mirror make that much clear.

" I love you, Everly," I say suddenly, pulling my children in close to me. " And you, too, River."

They both smile.

" We love you, too," she says.

Peeta walks over and places a hand on my slightly swollen stomach, which will only get bigger these next few months.

I turn towards him, our lips brushing slightly.

" You love me," I whisper. " Real or not real."

He doesn't even hesitate. " Real."

End of Ashes Blow Away.