Ashes Blow Away

Chapter One

~~Chapter One: The Primroses~~

A/N: So, this will be my first THG FanFiction. I guess I should start by saying that I'm a huge fan of the original books, and I wondered if it would be fair to taint the amazing trilogy with my FanFiction.
But I have now decided that it is okay to do so. I will never be Suzanne Collins, and this is not an official sequel, so it's okay if I don't live up to her extraordinary expectations.
I have tried to mirror her writing style as much as possible.
I hope you all enjoy the first chapter!
Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this!!
- realornotreal_real x

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Edited

The time always comes when you have admit to yourself that you are the one holding yourself back. That you are the reason that you are not happy. Maybe you will never be, but you could at least let yourself try. It's been this way since Prim died.

Things changed yesterday, when Peeta planted the primroses. As I stood there, looking at him in the yard, our eyes seemed to challenge each other. I raised my chin a fraction of an inch. I may have looked a mess but I took pride in it.

Our exchange was short. He told me I had to phone Doctor Aurilius. I wasn't sure I wanted to speak to him, but I picked up the phone when it rang that afternoon.

I see him again today, outside his own home, running his hands through his hair. I stop dead short, my breath coming out in short puffs. I wonder if he feels it too, even still. The love that I still hold onto, even if it is a feeble grip.

My feet move. I do not ask them to stop. Soon I am in front of him, hands behind my back.

" I want to thank you for planting the primroses," I say pathetically.

" You should've helped." He says roughly, eyes narrowing.

Why does it hurt me so much to learn that his hostility towards me has returned?

" I - I suppose you're right. . . I should've helped, but I just. . . I couldn't bring myself to. I'm still not - whole." I stutter.

I see it. Prim. Parachutes. My name is on her lips now. And then flames. Flames everywhere. Prim is covered in them. So am I. Gales fault-

I stop myself. This is not worth it. It is not worth thinking about it. It makes life less liveable.

Peeta's eyes have taken on this glassy look. I wonder if he is remembering.

" You used to love me, real or not real?" He asks suddenly. I slip up. I cannot answer. My lips are slightly parted.

Used. It's that word that knocks me off. It's still there, and even now I have to pinch my arm behind my back to remember that I cannot pounce at him.

" Real," I whisper.

" And I used to love you?" He asks, looking off into the distance.

" Yes," I swallow hard.

He reaches out to touch my cheek. I swear I stop breathing. His brilliant blue eyes bore into mine.

" Let's give things another go, with our friendship, I mean. We can help each other out, me and you. Deal?"

For a fraction of a second, I feel hope. It rises in my throat, clouds my vision. Yes. Oh yes. But then I push that hope away because, that's the trouble with hope, it's there one day, the next it's gone.

" We can try," I say finally. That seems to please him.

" Good. I'll, uh, I'll talk to you later."