Ashes Blow Away

Chapter Twenty

CHAPTER TWENTY: They Will Haunt us Forever.

" Peeta," I whimper into his chest, my mind fighting the nightmares. I don't want them. I thought Everly might take them away, but they've come back, and now I'm losing her.

" It's okay, Katniss. Everly is in the next room," he tells me, rubbing soothing circles in my back.

" Get her," I whimper.

He agrees readily and leaves the room, returning not twenty seconds later with our sleeping infant in his arms. I hold out my shaking arms and take her from him.

" Do you want me to take her back?"

" No," I say immediately, curling up beside him. " Peeta, they're terrible, I can't-"

" It's to be expected," he tells me.

" No, it's not normal, Peeta," I say.

" Yes it is."

" No, it's not."

" It is."

I don't say anything, just glare at him and turn myself and Everly away.

We don't try to fix things that night.

The silence continues through the next morning, as Peeta kisses Everly on the cheek and gives me a halfhearted wave before rushing off to the bakery. I don't worry, things always work out between us.

That night, when Peeta arrives home from work, I abandon the stew I have been making and go to greet Peeta in the living room.

" Hi," I say.

But something is not right. He doesn't answer.

My heart skips a beat when I notice that his eyes are glazed over.

" W-what are you doing in my house?" he hisses.

" Peeta, it's our house," I whimper, backing away.

He reaches for me but I jump out the way at the last second, screaming. He thrashes for me again but I take off, running up the stairs. I am almost at the landing when he grabs my ankle, sending me flying down. My vision blurs as I smack my chin off the stairs.

I whine as he lifts me by the hair on the nape of my neck and mutters to himself, dragging me into Everly's room.

Anywhere but here. Anywhere but where my daughter can see.

" Peeta, let's go into our room. We ca-"

" No!" he hollers, slamming me against the wall. My elbows hits off the wall and I cry out as it begins to bleed. After that, I am not so much scared as I am angry. Angry at Snow, at the venom, but most of all, angry at my husband. For hurting me.

" Please, Peeta," I plead. " We can talk things over. Work things out. You're just seeing things."

" Am I?" he hisses.

I squirm." Y-yes."

He slams me up against the wall again, by my neck this time. It is harder to breath now and his fingernails are pressing into my shoulder.

" You killed everyone I loved," he hisses.

" No-no, Peeta."

He sends me flying then, towards the dresser. It slams down on top of me, pinning me down, and against my better judgment, I begin to cry.

He reaches forward then, but I never know why. Because Everly cries.

" What is that?" he growls, head shooting up.

" No, Peeta!" I scream. " Kill me, not her! Please!"

Against my warning, he walks over to the crib and looks in on my tiny baby. " Who is that?"

I press my lips into a firm line, refusing to answer. I squirm against the dresser, which should be easy to kick off, but it's not in my current state.

" Who. Is. It?"

" My daughter." I murmured quietly.

" Gale's daughter?" he asked angrily.

" No," I blurted, horrified. " Our daughter. Your daughter. I love you, Peeta. And you love me."

" I. . . love you," he splutters, his eyes going back to blue. Panic registers in his face as he rushes over, helping me up. " Katniss, what happened?"

I start to sob as he leads me down the hall towards our room and lays me down on our bed.

" What happene-" and then realisation floods his face. " No. I didn't. I didn't-"

" You did."

" Oh, God."

A few moments later, after he has cleaned up my elbow, he asks me to turn over. I can feel his fingers ghosting over my back.

" You have bruises. Already," he says, and I can hear the pain in his voice.

" Peeta, I'm fine. Really." I try to smile, but I think I look more like I'm about to burst into tears.

" I did this to you," he says.

I let him clean my chin, which is bleeding heavily, until I hear Everly crying. I stand up. " I'll go change her."

" I can," he replies.

" No. I got it," I say, trying not to let him see that it worries me for him to be with her. She is so fragile.

I see he understands anyway, and the hurt in his eyes is bitter. But I go to Everly's room anyway, changing and feeding her.

When I catch sight of myself in the mirror, I gasp involuntarily. I am a mess of gashes and bruises, and although I stand here in nothing but a pair of jeans, I feel more covered than I ever have. I am covered in the marks of a man that says he loves me but hurts me. I know he doesn't mean it, but it still hurts.

After tucking my baby into bed, I make my way through to my room. I change into pyjamas in silence, and Peeta doesn't speak either.

When I slide under the sheets, I realise my bed has never felt this cold.

Just when I feel as though I will go to sleep with nothing once again, Peeta speaks.

" Katniss, I am so, so sorry."

I lean forward then and kiss him, deeply. " I forgive you, Peeta," I whisper.

" No. How can you? Look what I've done to you." he says, his voice breaking.

" But I do. I still love you. That's what people who love each other do, they still love each other," I whisper. " They always do."

Peeta opens his mouth to speak but instead whimpers and stares.

" It's okay to cry, you know," I mutter, touching his face softly.

So we do. We hold each other, and we cry it out.