Ashes Blow Away

Chapter Eight

~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter Eight: An Engagement ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When the light of day finally wakes me up the next morning, all I can comprehend is how happy I am. My face is pressed against the grass, limbs tangled in Peeta's. I am still in my underwear, but it doesn't bother me.

I wriggle myself out of Peeta's gripping, taking care not to wake him. My clothes, which I wake over to, are hanging on a rock, now dry. I put them on. They smell like rain and moss.

Leaving Peeta sleeping, I venture my way into the woods. My stomach gurgles so I find some berries - definitely not nightlock - and eat a few. I collect a handful.

Peeta is already dressed when I return, splashing his face with cold water from the lake. I sit down cross legged beside him and hold out the berries in my hand. He begins to eat some. I eat the berries slower this time, savouring the way they burst across my tongue.

" Last night. . ." Peeta says, pausing to swallow a berry and pop another in his mouth, " it was fun. Really fun. Thank you, Katniss."

I blush, remembering all the teasing, all the lovey-stuff, all the kissing. I probably should've been crying. Not having fun. But then again, maybe I needed it. Maybe I needed to have fun.

I swear I contradict myself sometimes.

I don't know when I became this messed up. I like to tell myself it was Prim, that that fateful day scarred me so much that I will never get over it. But I have a feeling I have been messed up since the first second of the Hunger Games. Subtly at first. But then it all built up. Loss, more loss. So much loss.

" I don't think I'm ever going to get better," I whisper.

" I know the feeling," Peeta seconds, looking up at me.

I look at him. " I don't even know what steps to take." I swallow down the lump in my throat, but it doesn't go away. " Some times I'm okay, and then the next day I'm not."

" War changes people," Peeta says, " we know that best of all."

I feel my eyes fill with tears. " I hate crying."

Peeta's bottom lip quivers. " So do I."

Before the tears can come, I make myself stand. " Better go make sure Haymitch is okay. He might've burnt his house done or. . . something."

Peeta knows this isn't true just as well as I do, but he seems to understand.

The hike back is silent, nothing like last night. I try to not to look at the dead bodies. I realise that coming here was dangerous. Mentally.

Peeta offers to visit Haymitch with me, but I wave his offer way. He disappears into his old home to bake.

When I open Haymitch's door, the stench of rotten food and strong liquor invades my nose. I sneeze and splutter a couple times.

Wondering why Haymitch let such a nice place go to waste, I make my way upstairs to Haymitch's room. I see him moaning and groaning about a sore head, face in hands. " What do you want, Sae?" he snaps.

" It's Katniss, you idiotic rat," I say, but a smile makes my voice wobble. I sit down beside him.

" Where did you two go? You left during the showing last night."

Was that really only last night? It feels like years ago.

" We went into the woods." I say slowly. " To try to get our minds off things."

" Easy," he snorts. " You just drink till you can't remember anything anymore."

I feel sorry for Haymitch then. He's so sad. Just as sad as Peeta and I.

" What stuff did they show?"

He scoffs. " Half of it didn't even happen. A load of crap. They edited the clip to make it look like you shot Snow, not Coin."

" I'm glad I left then," I reply, " I don't think I could handle anymore lies."

" I feel the same," he agrees.

I nod in agreement.

After a while, I decide to head home. But when I'm almost there, I change my mind and head into town to where I know Thom is working. People seem to be surprised to see me.

" Hi, Katniss," Thom greets me. The people helping to build the medicine unit, they're gone. I wonder where they are.

" Hi, Thom," I reply, taking a seat beside him on the grass. " How are things going?"

He sighs. " Pretty good, I guess. A lot of people didn't show up to work today."

" Why not?"

He raises an eyebrow at me. " The Quell showing last night - it was hard for a lot of people."

I swallow thickly, and give him a nod.

" Anyway," Thom says, shattering the somber mood, " how are you, Katniss?"

" Good," I say. " Peeta and I moved in together."

He smiles. " That's great!"

I hold my hand out to show him the ring but remember I'm not wearing it. It needs to be fixed. My heart drops and I pull it back.

" Engaged too."

" That's good. You two deserve to be happy. . . when's the big day, then?"

I realise I don't know. " We haven't talked about it yet."

" Oh?" Thom says. " Well, be sure to give me a date soon. Count me in."

I thank him and say okay, then head back toward home. The smell of bread travels too me, and I change my mind and walk to Peeta's instead.

" Hi, Katniss," he says as I take a seat, then goes back to the dough on the counter.

I watch as he beats the dough. Smoothes it out, then kneads it with his knuckles. The light, golden down on his arms glows in the sunlight, and I let my eyes travel up them and onto his face.

His eyelashes are longer, probably longer than mine even. They cast big shadows on his cheekbones. I watch how his eyes flicker from the dough to me, checking if I'm okay. His lips are plump and curved, and suddenly I have the urge to kiss them.

" Is everything okay, Katniss?" He asks suddenly.

I blush crimson. " Yeah, I, um, was just looking at you."

He smirks. " You know, I do that too."

" Look at yourself?"

" Look at you."

I groan, slamming my head down onto the table. I wait a long moment before asking.

" When are we getting married, Peeta?"

I listen as his hands stop working. Leather shoes tap as he makes his way over to me and runs a hand through my hair.

" I didn't know you wanted too," he says.

I look up at him. " I said yes. That usually means I want too."

He beams. " Well then, whenever you're ready."

I purse my lips. " How about, in a week or so?"

He raises his brows. " What brought this on so suddenly?"

I smile nervously at him. " You."