Ashes Blow Away

Chapter Fourteen

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: AS THE YEARS FLY BY

I find that mirrors are exceptionally good time-keepers.

As the years fly by, I notice things. An extra freckle. Is that a scar or a wrinkle? My hair is long, short, long again. My lips are chapped, then smooth, slightly parted.

On our five year anniversary, Peeta insists on taking me to the Capitol for some much needed alone time. We travel there by train, and, somehow, Peeta manages to coax the staff into serving my favourite dinner. A gorgeous stew, laying on a bed of white rice and sprinkled with plums. I eat three and a half platefuls, and by the time I am done, my belly is slightly protruding.

" Ugh," I groan. " I'm so full!"

Peeta smiles, trailing his hand down my stomach. " That's a good look on you."

It takes a moment to realise what he means, and when I do, I stomp off to the bathroom and sit there for five minutes, fuming.

When I am finished being angry, and slide back into the seat across from Peeta, he doesn't bring it up again. The whole child thing is forgotten - for now.

From then on, we spend our anniversaries travelling from district to district. First the Capitol, then one, two, three next - I skip four because of Isaac - five, and so on. On our tenth anniversary, Peeta finally manages to convince me to visit Annie. I agree, because I decide that ten years is quite the accomplishment.

Since having Isaac, Annie has remarried and now has a new baby. Luckily, I am twenty-nine, much too old for a baby, and I'm sure Peeta will agree.

Unfortunately, I am wrong.

Peeta spends most of the visit looking after baby Lilly, probably trying to prove to me that he is capable of caring for a baby. I don't even smile at him in response.

It's not that I don't want to give him a baby - I'm not that cold hearted a person, and I love him - it's just that I'm scared.

" Today was great," he says, sitting on the hotel bed.

He must notice that I don't reply, because he walks over and takes my brush from my hands, brushing my brown locks for me.

I realise how perfect this is - what we've built. Why would we need anything else?

But then I notice my arms - they are painfully empty. And my stomach is painfully flat. Peeta's eyes, they're happy, but they're dull. He wants a baby so much that it hurts, and his pain is my pain.

" Hey, Peeta?"

" Huh?" he says, running his hands through the ends of my hair.

I swallow thickly as I turn around, grasping his shirt collar. I can feel the colour drain from myself. How dare he basically have to grovel and me say no, when I know for a fact that whatever I ask, he will say yes. I can't. I ca-

" Katniss? What's wrong? You're pale."

I can feel myself blush beetroot.

" Hey, Mrs Mellark," he says teasingly, lifting up my head - I can still hear the worry in his voice, though. " You can tell me anything."

" I- It's not exactly tell," I hiss. " A-Ask."

" I'm game."

If the room wasn't so tense, the air being knocked out of me, I might laugh.

Or not.

" Look," I say, finding his hand and putting it to rest on my stomach. He looks confused, kind of worried.