Ashes Blow Away

Chapter Twenty One

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE: DISTANCE

The next time Haymitch visits, he ignores the cuts and bruises. But I know he notices them, because before he leaves, he whispers, " Come to me if you ever need anything, Katniss. I don't care if it's two am. Just come to me."

I tell him I will and he leaves, but not before making me promise.

Time passes, and for once I wish it would just slow down. Peeta maintains an uncomfortable distance. He is here, of course, but not emotionally.

We are chopping up vegetables for dinner in silence one night when I crack. I walk up to him and grab him by the collar.

" Talk to me, Peeta! Please! Talk to me!"

He smiles lightly and wriggles out of my grasp. " I don't know what you mean. Oh, hey, I hear Everly crying."

I stare after him as he walks up the stairs, crying silently. If I could only make him see that I love him, that I don't care if he hurts me, then things would be fine. It sounds silly, but that's what love is. Silly. Irrational. That's Peeta and I.

Along with Everly, our distance grows. We celebrate her first birthday with a few friends, but the whole ordeal is kind of cold and uncomfortable, so everyone leaves early.

Since I have extra affection to spare, I more or less spend all my time with Everly. Peeta helps sometimes but he spends many long hours at the bakery. We go to sleep with space between us each night and sometimes I wake up and he is on the couch.

" I felt an episode coming on and I had to get away," he says.

" Well, I just don't believe you, Peeta," I bite back.

" Katniss, quit being so-"

" Childish. Is that what you were going to say, Peeta? So, I'm the childish one now? Well, you. You are a sorry excuse for a-"

I am interrupted by Everly's cries and I glare at him before walking upstairs to help her. I give her what she wanted and play with her for a while. Then I close the bathroom door and allow myself to cry.

Eventually, Peeta moves out of our bed all together and into the guest room. We don't talk about it. We stay up late fighting and stop kissing. Talking comes next, and then we hostile towards one another.

Everly turns two and I turn a painful thirty-six. I feel old, and I sure as hell look it. We don't really celebrate her birthday, just give her some presents and eat a cake Peeta makes. It tastes like cardboard.

" Mama," Everly says as I tuck her into bed that night.

" Yes, baby," I say wearily.

" Why do you and dada fight?" she asks.

I frown. " We don't, Everly."

" Yes, you do," she replies.

" No, Everly. We don't."

After I get her to sleep, I walk down the hall and get ready for bed, climbing under the sheets.

" Katniss," Peeta says.

I look up at him and he's doing that nervous thing he does with his hands, twisting his fingers. I smile, despite the situation. He looks so innocent when he does that, and maybe he is.

" I'm sorry," I say. " I've been unfair."

" Katniss, pl-"

I stop him with a kiss. I don't want apologise, I don't want anything other than here and now.

" I'm going to love you no matter what," I say breathlessly.

He smiles.

" I've missed you."

I grin.

" Me too, Peeta."

Peeta and I fall back into out usual routine then. Everly grows more, and learns to speak better, and by her third birthday we have decided to throw a big party to make up for the missed ones.

Annie attends, along with Isaac, Lily, and her newest little baby. Effie replies too her invite with a resounding yes. Mother agrees to come after much persuading. I'm not sure how much good her visit will do, but the least Everly deserves is to know her grandmother.

When I call Johanna, she snorts loudly and says, " No."

" What? Peeta and I will pay for the tickets-"

" I said no. I know you have a pretty little life with your lover boy but I don't want any part of it," she hisses.

I am suddenly furious. " But I thought. . . I thought we were-"

" Friends?" she snorts. " I would never want to get close to someone like you." She hangs up then.

As I put the phone down, Peeta asks me what she said. i sigh and smile at him.

" Nothing. She can't make it," I tell him.

He looks suspicious at first, but slowly nods.

And we get ready for the party.