Sing To Me Instead

On My Own - Les Miserables, Rosalind James (2010 Live Version)

And now I'm alone again. There's no one to turn to, no one to go to. I betrayed my family to protect her because he loves her. Not me. I have no home, no friends, no one to even pass on the street and say 'hello'. And as the sun sets, and the streetlights turn on, I can pretend. I can just pretend he's here. Sometimes I walk by myself at night while everyone else is sleeping, and I'll think of him, and I forget that I'm entirely alone. While the city sleeps, I can construct my own world to live in inside my head. 

I'm on my own, and I'm pretending that he's beside me, despite the fact that I'm alone. I'll walk with him until the sun rises. Without him, I'll feel his arms around me, and when I'm lost I'll just sit and close my eyes, and he's found me. Even if it's raining, the pavements shine like they're made of silver. The lights swirl and fade into the Seine, and the stars shine through the trees. And all I can see if him and me forever.

I know that it's only in my mind. I'm talking to myself, and not to him. And he's blind if he can't see how much I care about him, but I still believe that there's a way for us. I love him. But he's gone when the night's over, and the river becomes a river again. Without him, the world around me changes. The trees are empty again, the pavements become dull stone, and the streets are full of dark strangers. 

And I love him. But every day I'm learning that every single day of my life I've been pretending. Without me, his world would go on turning. His world that's full of happiness, the kind of happiness I'll never know. And I love him. I love him so much. But only on my own.