Falling Apart (Ziall Horlik)AU

Chapter 19

Niall's POV

The second the door shut to Zayn's hotel room, I text him something I knew he would understand. Something that in my heart I knew we both needed. We both needed to fight for us. Whether we're in the same band or across the world from each other, our love was worth fighting for.

I sat in that empty bed for a few more minutes, letting the fact that this was actually happening sink in before I broke down in tears for what seemed like the hundredth time since Zayn told us he was leaving. I held his shirt close to me and inhaled the scent of cigarette smoke and Zayn's cologne. I smelt him in this shirt so much that if I closed my eyes I could almost feel him holding me.

There was a tap on my door, bringing me back to the world that was now cold and dark. The world where I was alone.

"Niall, are you alright?" I heard Louis' voice ask me through the door. I continued sobbing, then rolled over in this bed that was made for me and Zayn, not just myself. I didn't care I was still naked and I didn't care I had Zayn's cum dripping down my legs, I just wanted to cry my heart out and hold on to this shirt because I won't be able to hold Zayn anytime I want anymore. We won't be able to sneak into each others hotel rooms anytime we needed each other. We wouldn't be able to hold hands when we're nervous, or even just share a laugh together anymore. We can't do anything that's all I wanted.

I heard the door click open and gathered enough of my thoughts to make sure a blanket was coving me up. A few minutes later I felt the bed dip down and a soft hand run through my hair. That only made me cry harder because it wasn't Zayn.

"We'll be alright." I heard Louis mumble. I rolled over on the bed and looked him in the eyes. His were bloodshot red and his eye lashes were clumped together with old tears. He gave me a small smile, then reached his hand out to me. Both our hands tangled together and we continued to looked at each other for the strength we knew we would need.

"If it's anything make you a bit happy, Zayn didn't sign that one contact saying he wouldn't say anything." Louis told me quietly. I nodded and wiped my eyes, taking a few deep breaths just to get myself together.

"We'll be alright. As a band, as friends and brothers, we will all pull it together and be strong. We all need some sleep, though. Things are going to go crazy tomorrow." Louis told me then got off my bed, but he didn't let of of my hand.

"I'm here for you, Niall. I just watched my best friend walk away from everything that ever made him happy. I understand what you're going through." I just nodded again, feeling emotionally tired and and physically tired. This had been allot on me, and I have no one to go to hold me now. I know they say they will be here for me, but it's just not the same.

After Louis left, I curled up to Zayn's shirt and closed my eyes. Of course, the only sleep that I got was a full two hours before my phone started buzzing with everything I was afraid of.

I got out of bed and limped into he bathroom to turn on a hot shower. As much as I didn't want to wash off Zayn's finger prints and Zayn's scent, I felt pretty disgusting. Plus, by bum was throbbing in pain so I had to find a way of relaxing that.

I stood in the shower just letting the hot water hit me while I thought over the way Zayn looked while we made love. His eyes had this light in them full of love that was always there. His hands were always so gentle, reminding me that even though he hit me once that he was still the sweet Zayn I fell for. I loved the way he would kiss me like he was trying to remind me that he loves me. Just everything about that made me feel a burn in my heart to have him close to me again. It's not like he's dead, that would be ten times worse, but it feels like he is because I can't have him when I really want him.