Everything Is Just Fine

Chapter 6

"That's all you have to do," Wendell of Wendell's Donuts tells me as he shows me the proper way to work his ancient cash register. The 3 key gets stuck if you don't jam your finger into it hard enough to break a bone.

Wendell is seventy and grouchy. I have known him for most of my life. He and my Grandfather were friends before Pop passed. I'm used to his grouchiness and find it slightly refreshing that he hasn't softened since I had last seen him.

"Got it, Scout?"

"I got it, Dell. Thanks."

He harumphs and disappears back into the kitchen.

The next three hours pass in a blur, and I actually jump a little when Wendell taps my shoulder telling me it's time for my break.

"Grab a donut," he grumbles. "You have twenty minutes."

I grab a jelly-filled and head back to the small cubby hole Wendell calls the break room.

As soon as I sit, and tear into my donut, jelly dripping out the back and glopping onto my napkin, my phone vibrates in the pocket of my skinny jeans. I lick my black-tipped fingers clean from raspberry and pull it out.

IDK if U care.

My video thing is 2wks from now.

Let me know if u can make it.

I have to blink and read the message several times before it fully registers that the text is from Alan. After a month of me talking to myself in our message thread, he finally has something to say.

It's not the apology I was hoping for, but it's something.

His video thing. I had completely forgotten.

Right before--like two days before--my parents died, Alan had won the Plainsburg New Voices Award, and his short movie we shot the summer before senior year is being featured at Movie-in-the-Park, and he gets his picture taken for the Plainsburg Gazette.

I had been so proud of him when he got the letter. He, Benji, and I had celebrated that night with burgers and milkshakes and doing anything Alan wanted to, which consisted of skateboarding down Main Street and telling anyone who would listen about his accomplishment.

It was the last good memory I had of Alan and Benji. After that night everything changed, everything involving them became a thick, black, angry fog.

I type back:

Thank u. I'll B there.

Not even twenty seconds later all I get back is, Cool.

Part of me is annoyed and sad that he didn't ask me how Westbrook is, or how I was settling into Freemont. And I know I should apologize to him (because let's be honest, I am the reason we have been distant). I should tell him I didn't mean all the shit I said when we last saw each other. I should tell him that I miss him.

But I don't.

I put my phone back in my pocket, and finish my break.

★ ★ ★ ★

When I return back to the dorm, Toby, Amy and Shelby are hanging out with a box of cheese and sausage pizza between Toby and Amy on his bed. Shelby's on my bed, flipping through Toby's copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray.

"Sure, make yourself at home, Shelbs."

She smirks up at me, red lips lifting before she returns my sarcasm with some of her own. "I will. Thanks."

I roll my eyes. At least she kicked off her boots before putting her feet on my bed.

"How was your first day, Lincoln?"

"Oh, great." I lift a purple box of donuts that hadn't sold that morning. "I was gonna give you guys these, but you have pizza, so..."

"Gimme." Shelby swipes the box and wrestles the top open, and before I can even turn my head towards her, there's a bear claw in her mouth. "Are you going to bring donuts every day? Cause if you are, you are my new best friend."

Toby and Amy head to my bed and dig in. I climb onto Toby's bed after changing into sweats. The shirt I'm wearing is the one I have been wearing all day and smells a little like sweat, dough, and sugar, but I'm too lazy to change it. The smell of Toby's soap wafts up towards me as I try to get comfortable and reach for the pizza box.

We're quiet for a few moments as we all eat, the sound of YouTube videos they were watching when I walked in drowns out our chewing.

Hours later, when a video ends, I turn to where Toby and Shelby are sitting on my bed; Amy's on the floor, leaning against the bedpost.

"Hey, Tobe?"

He looks over at me.

I swallow and stall by sipping my soda. I don't know why I'm finding this so hard. He had no problem asking me to go to the party, so why am I finding this so difficult? He's the closest thing I have to a best friend right now, I need someone to go to Alan's thing with me, and I should just ask him. He's the most obvious choice.

Just the thought of facing Alan alone is raising my anxiety, and I think that's part of the reason this is so difficult.

I swallow again and tug on my sleeve. "Could...you come to Plainsburg with me in two weeks?" I stutter out. Toby is sitting patiently, waiting for me to untangle my thoughts. God, this is so stupid. Just spit it out, Jesse. "There's this...thing I have to go to, and I don't want to go alone."

Toby's face falls. "I would, man, but Madison is coming that weekend."

"Oh. Okay." My heart hammers in my chest. "No worries."

"We'll go with you, Jess," Shelby offers. "Amy was just saying her parents are already missing her."

"Really?" My heart is still hammering. Sweat is building on my forehead. "Thank you."

Even though I sound breezy, I wonder if they can tell how unbreezy I actually am.

Yes, I wanted someone, anyone to come to Alan's video premiere in the park, but for some reason, now that I'm sitting here thinking about it, I really wanted that someone to be Toby.