Everything Is Just Fine

Chapter 25

The week after Thanksgiving is filled with studying for finals and work. I don't see Abel at all because we're both so busy, he texts me every day to remind me that we are getting closer to the New York trip, but each text from him makes me feel guilty, and I know I'm being really shitty about this whole situation, but no one ever said I was good at dealing with my problems.

I haven't told anyone that I'm planning on breaking up with Abel. How do I explain to our friend group that I am doing this so I don't hurt him in the long run? How do I explain that Abel is great and, yeah, I could totally fall in love with him eventually, but that's the problem?

Abel is a maybe, and my love for Toby is a definite thing.

This is such a shitty feeling.

Why couldn't I just stick to my rule of no dating until next year?

Hell, why can't I be polyamorous?

I don't see as much of Toby either. He is busy with finals, practice, and the few games he has until the end of the semester. Our schedules which had aligned pretty well, seem to be opposite of each other. But I still go to his games to support him. Lately, it's only been Amy and I attending since the PW crew is so busy getting things ready for their gig in New York.

They lose to Westbrook's biggest rivals, which puts Toby in a bad mood for several days after because he keeps blaming himself for the loss.

I take him out for pizza and it seems to calm him down a bit. I've learned food is Toby's weakness and it's the best way to cheer him up or get back into his good graces. He's smiling by the time we leave the pizza place and head back to the dorm.

As we walk, Toby slings his arm over my shoulder. I secretly love when he does this, and wish I could spend hours with him just walking down the street with his arm around me.

Around us, the city sparkles with holiday decorations. The lamp posts of downtown Freemont have been twisted in garland, and lights are around the windows of almost every store.

"This is romantic," Toby jokes, squeezing my shoulder.

I was just thinking the same thing, but wistfully, not jokingly. I roll my eyes at him and push him away gently. "You're such an idiot."

My heart is fluttering as he howls with laughter and walks ahead of me.

★ ★ ★ ★

Finals week goes by in a stressful flurry of multiple questions and labs that I completely forget the steps to. On Thursday, I only have math, my last final of the semester. I finish quickly, Algebra has always been easy for me, it's everything after Algebra that goes over my head.

Toby is in the dorm room when I arrive. He had finished all his finals the day before and has spent the day unwinding by watching movies and playing video games. He's laying in his bed, eating day-old donuts from my work and watching an old vampire movie.

"Did you even save me one?" I ask, dropping my bag and taking off my boots and jacket.

"Cream filled."

I make a face. He knows I hate cream-filled donuts. He laughs and opens the box. Inside is a chocolate glazed donut. My favorite.

"We were invited to a party tonight," he says, wiping crumbs from his chest.

"T, I don't feel like a party."

"It's the last one of the semester!" He pouts. Full-blown puppy dog eyes and bottom lip sticking out. I'm powerless against it. "Please, Jay?"

I'll never understand why he likes partying so much, but of course, I concede.

"Fine, but you owe me."