Everything Is Just Fine

Chapter 16

The following Wednesday, after coffee and a weekend of pretending I didn't have a huge mind fuck on Friday, Toby, Shelby, Amy and I drive out to the wooded area just outside of Freemont. I have my camera bag with me, though we weren't planning to take any pictures, the day kind of demanded it. It was my favorite weather to take pictures in, overcast with little pockets of sunshine here and there. I had always thought that the clouds and autumn atmosphere provided a moody backdrop, so fall became my favorite time of the year to photograph.

I start by taking pictures of Shelby. She looks witchy in a black, wide-brimmed hat and black dress. Amy and Toby are talking behind me about how Amy has sort of started dating one of his teammates. I try to tune them out, but Toby's voice or laugh keeps drawing me right back into their conversation.

It's really inconvenient that I had to go and develop a crush on someone I spend ninety percent of my time with. He's becoming the sole object of my focus whenever he's around, and that is a lot (too much) time to be concentrating on one person.

After I take a bunch of pictures of Shelby and Amy, it's Toby's turn. I swallow, nervous and sweating despite the breeze.

He's wearing a red and black flannel, black ripped jeans, and tan boots. His dreads are tied back so I can see his open and honest face with no obstructions.

I swallow again. "Ready?"

"What do I do?"

"Act natural. Pretend I'm not here."

He looks nervous and intense. He opens his mouth to say something but decides against it.

I walk around him snapping photo after photo. He looks great, nervous, but still great. There's a moment where he looks directly at the camera, and his gaze sears into the lens. Into me. I stop snapping photos and lower the camera. I just look at him. At the way the sun is cutting across his skin, and the way the flannel fits on his shoulders.

Toby chuckles, breaking whatever spell he had cast over me. "Are we done?" he asks.

I shake my head and raise my camera. I take about ten more photos and get my favorite shot when Amy calls him a camera hog, and he's looking over at her behind me, his eyes full of amusement and his tongue sticking out.

Soon after that, Toby's phone rings. He pulls it from the pocket of his jeans and smiles softly at the screen. And I know it's Madison.

I turn away as he answers with a cheerful, "Hey, Maddie. I miss you!"

God really fucked me when he made me fall for someone who is unavailable. Not only unavailable, but Toby is so in love with Madison that it is almost too sweet.

I hate this weird feeling inside of me that is jealous of Madison, but also happy that Toby is happy and found someone he loved that much.

I look up at the sky, the clouds rolling overhead in a swirl of gray and white. Is this punishment for not believing in You anymore?

Amy and Shelby come to stand on either side of me, and I put my arms around them, resting my head on Amy's shoulder. "Can we please go get coffee? It's been four hours since my last dose, and I'm having withdrawals."

Shelby laughs. "I was just going to say the same thing."

★ ★ ★ ★

"You must be Toby!" Nana exclaims as we exit Toby's white, beat-up car the following weekend.

Toby runs up to where Nana is standing and wraps her in a hug like they're lifelong friends. She laughs and holds him in one of her signature bear hugs.