Arohan - The Ascent

The Letters

Urvashi was a lost soul. She had been eager to know that Vicky was well since the day she had that dream. But from whatever channels Pandit Ji tried to get information from, there was no news on him. No one knew where he was , how he was or even if he was or not!

And then , one fine day without notice, Pandit ji too left. She came to school as usual that day, only to find, that no knew where Pandit ji was. It was most bizarre . And it was almost a month after she had requested Pandit ji to check about Vicky. For a full 24 hours, he was no where to be found. His house was locked, no one had seen him leave , he had not even indicated the previous day that he would be going any where.

And as mysteriously as he had disappeared, Pandit ji returned to school, the next day. It was almost as if he never went anywhere. Next day in the morning as Urvashi went to school, somewhat, sceptical about what was going on around her, she saw him chat up as usual with the watchman at the gate. She immediately rushed to him , "where were you yesterday Pandit ji. I got so worried," she exclaimed, looking at him, with eyes impatient to learn what had happened.

"Oh , you worry too much child. It was nothing. I had some personal work , at a nearby village. So had to make a day trip. See I am back now, all hale and hearty," he said, with a simple smile on his lips. His eyes though, looked worried and uncomfortable. 

"Is everything ok?" asked Urvashi, wondering what had happened.

"Yes, everything is fine," he said walking away into his office.

Urvashi stood there watching him walk away. She felt it was strange, the things that has happened in the last 24 hours. Pandit ji was a simple man. what you saw was what you got. This air of mystery, this discreet trip he had made, it was just so unlike him. Be as it may, since he stated it was personal business, it probably was not right to pry into his personal matters, she reasoned.

Although the mystery surrounding Pandit ji's trip, baffled her, it was not what was bothering her the whole time. It was Vicky's disappearance. What if, she asked Jai herself, she debated in her mind.But then, asking Jai would mean opening the whole pandora's box of the village gossiping about her and Vicky all over again. 

Bored with the mundane nature of their existence, the villagers just need an excuse for their fertile imagination to take over. And if they got wind of the fact that she had contacted Jai, they would add two and two together and assume, this was her way of contacting Vicky. So to contact Jai was ruled. Should she visit Narottam, she pondered. But then realised that would mean, information going straight to ... him. And she could not afford that. So no , she couldn't contact Narottam as well.

So that was it, there was n o way to ascertain how Vicky was. And this was singularly eating into her sub-conscious. She was plagued with thoughts of guilt, anxiety and kept oscillating between hope and despair. Hope that he was alive and well somewhere and despair in the thought that, he might have done something extreme , like he was capable of doing. These thoughts made her an anxious mess. She struggled through her classes, somedays too mentally tired to even take any lessons for the kids.

Some days, she just faxed around her house, lost, afraid that some bad, ominous news may just present it self at her door step. It was becoming too much to handle and the villagers were beginning to take notice of her anxiety and stress.

It was then that Urvashi decided that it was time to do move out of this warm comfort Zoe she had built around herself and do something that shook out of her own self destructiveness. She walked into Pandit Ji's office one fine day, weeks after he had made that mysterious trip .

"Urvashi, come child, what is it?" asked Pandit ji, looking up from some question papers.

"Pandit ji, I think for the sake of my own sanity, I am proposing this. I know you will stop me. But please don't . I have already made up my mind and no matter what you say, I will not give up. I want to go into the tribal belt and start classes, inter areas for children there. I will need permission from you first and then from the DEO (District Educational officer) . I know the risks involved but I want to do this," she stated, with a resolute look in her eyes.

Pandit ji's eyes took on a grave look. "Are you out of your mind. or is this some contorted way of committing suicide. You know that the tribal villages have nasal activity. They are trying to regroup there after being trashed in Chhattisgarh. And you want to go there? Ridicules, no, I will not allow this. Go back to your classroom right now," he stated emphatically.

"I can't Pandit ji", stated, Urvashi, tears almost spilling from her eyes. This guilt that I might have pushed one more man to his death, eats at me. I hate myself for this. I don't know if Vicky is fine and if he isn't then it's all my fault. If I sit here, trying to live a normal life, I will surely go mad. Night and day, I feel like a murderer. This guilt... it is unbearable and I need to go away from here to breath again," she said, covering her face with her palm.

Pandit ji saw her pitiable condition and he had now words of courage to tell her. What could he tell her, when he himself had a role to play in all this. It was he who had instigated Vicky to go to Kath Kuiyan. It was he who had showed him the way. And now, when there is no trace of Vicky, was he not responsible for this whole situation. Urvashi's kind heart lamenting the fact that Vicky could be in harm's way was but natural. It is what made her this most likeable, admirable person that she was . She was capable of kindness when it was impossible to be kind. She could show compassion when all should have done, was hate.

Pandit lowed his head . There was nothing he could do, except agree.

One year Later

Champaran - A small Tribal Settlement 

Letter - 1

Dear Madam ji,

I hope you still remember me. It's me, Vikram.  Wherever I am, however I am, I always carry you in my heart and in my weakest moments, when I am at the verge of giving up. I think of you. And in that moment, I find myself over taken by such strength and will , that I could sage handed move mountains . 

I have never shared this with anyone . Only Jai, Minku and Sonu know of this. When I still lived in Padrauna as Vicky, working for Thakur, a saint who was worshipped by the Thankur's family for generations visited his house. he told me in front of all present that, I would soon fall and then rise, rise so high that I would change the fortunes of this country. And that would be because of one woman. At that time, I had laughed off his words as gibberish, me and the boys even roughed up his disciples and moved on.

But now, standing at the verge of what will be a life altering decision, I can't help think back to the words of that Sage. I don't know what the future holds or if I will really do something for this country. But so far, it is true that I am becoming this new me, because of you. One day, when I have achieved what I have set my heart on, I will come back to you. And I will stand in front of you, a man you can finally admire and respect. I will see that respect for me in your eyes and that day, I will ask you , for permission to take take your hand. And I will hold that hand till the end of times.

So wait for me. 

Your's Truly,

Sepoy Vikram Singh

(Bihar Regiment)