Arohan - The Ascent

Dead End

Narrated By Vicky)

"As I sat at the computer looking at the screen but not actually seeing what was on that application, two thoughts ran through my mind.... Who is a soldier? By definition a soldier is a person who is willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for his country. Who am I? I am just a village goon, who'll break a few jaws and bones for my boss. I am good at extortion and bullying people. Would I willingly lay down my life for my country? Hell NO? Why should I? What the hell did this country do for me? What did I get from this country? NOTHING but the tag of being a bastard and a nobody. Why should I lay down my precious life for this country that means nothing to me, WHY?

But then the very next instant, I saw her face.... as she stood watching me... without uttering a word. It hurts.... the way she looks at me... it hurts like hell. I want her to look at me with eyes filled with love and respect.... like I am the only man worth knowing on this planet, not with utter loathing that I see for myself in her eyes.

Without a second thought I began to fill in all the details. It said to fill everything in bold letters and they wanted 4 passport size photos of mine. No problem, I could get that done. I read through the application form, even as Urvashi's face danced in front of my eyes.

FULL NAME : VIKRAM SINGH

DATE OF BIRTH :19/09/1994

PLACE OF BIRTH : BHOPAL, MADHYA PRADESH

(There was a pinch in my heart... I never did like talking about that aspect of my life.... for........)

MOTHER"S NAME :( I looked away from the screen, as the tears finally left my eyes... this was going to be more painful than I had imagined. I am cringing staring at the keyboard.... Remembering her was like digging a hole into my own heart.... I would rather forget that chapter of my life than go through this...)

I got up from the seat and walked out of the cyber cafe pulling out a cigarette from my trouser pocket. As I drew the smoke into my lungs, it helped me calm down, I could feel my hand shaking as I held the cigarette between my fingers. But the next instant her face appeared in front of me, the hatred in her eyes, like an alarm in my mind. I closed my eyes shut tight. But this time another image cropped up. An image that I had long buried in the deepest recesses on my mind. I drew in another long puff of smoke into my lungs and released it and went back inside.

MOTHER's NAME : YASHODA DEVI

FATHER"S NAME : RAJKUMAR SINGH

When I had finally written their names, I looked at the application form once again. I exited the screen immediately , opened a fresh application and filled out the details all over again. Except, this time in the section for Mother and Father I simply wrote - UNKNOWN

As I filled in the first page and thought that this traumatic exercise was finally over, it took me to the next page.

"Bhaiyya, would you like some chai?" The owner of the cafe asked me from his counter. My first reaction was to stomp over to him, haul him up by his collar and smash one across his face. In fact I did all this in my mind. But something held me back. I could not go back to being that Vicky again. "Yes please," I replied, as the boy watched me wide eyed.

In this page it asked me to declare that I was a Citizen of India by birth and that I owed allegiance to the Constitution of India. Hell ya... obviously... would I owe allegiance to the Constitution of Timbaktoo if not India. What a silly question. I read through a few more questions, asking if I belonged to the general category or otherwise etc etc.

And then there was one more page......... one more declaration to sign.

I was getting bored by this hopeless application. As though it was not enough that I was signing up to put my life at risk, now they needed me to declare a thousand and one already known details . "Urvashi....." Her name escaped my lips.

I had finally come to the last page of the application. As I read though the information on this page, it asked me sign at two places. One was the end of the application, where I undertook that all the information I had provided so far was accurate to the best of my knowledge. Hell NO, but it had to do. The truth was too painful and I was not prepared to deal with it yet. So the information I had provided had to do.

But right below that was a small two line section. It read.

"HAVE YOU EVER BEEN PRODUCED IN COURT FOR A CIVIL OR CRIMINAL CHARGE AGAINST YOU......... YES / NO

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED BY ANY COURT IN INDIA AND IMPRISONED ....... YES / NO"

I swallowed hard as I looked at those two lines. I saw it then.

""No, because I know you will never be able to do this," she had said. She had known..... she had known very well that I would never be able to this... and she set me up. She had set me an impossible target.

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