Arohan - The Ascent

A Break- Part 33

Urvashi looked around herself. She had been squatting on the floor in her house. This was not the private hospital in Delhi,  this was Padrauna.Her fingers had entwined themselves in her luscious hair. As her mind adjusted to the fact that she was indeed in her home in Padrauna, her fingers began to come loose.

She stood up at once and lurched towards the cupboard in her bedroom. Her memories with Tim, were all kept in an album in one of the shelves. Where had she kept the album. She always kept it close to her, in case she needed to take a look at him. The man who had introduced her to love. Tha man who had made her fall in love with herself, for how could you another, until you loved yourself?

She rummaged to her clothes, that had been stacked up in neat piles into the various shalf space. Where had she kept the album. Her mind had become blank. She couldn't recollect where she had kept the album when she had done a clean up of the shelves.

her fingers cluhched and unclutched into fists, as helpless rage, at her own forgetfulness seemed to take over her. "Where is it? where did I keep it?" she began to pull out all the clothes. She strewed all the contents of the shelves onto the floor and stood over thepile of fabric, her helpless tears, a testament to the pain her heart acheed with.

Taht's when she heard a kock on the door. She stood in a daze, totally disoriented . It took her all her will to take the few steps needed to go to the door and open it.

Pandit ji stood at the threshold, the shock in his face at her condition, completely evading her. Her wide eyes, looked at him with such pain , that his brows furrowed in sympathetic concern. Wordlessly he came in and closed the door frame.

"Is there no end to the pain you must suffer? Why are you putting these chains in your legs, beta. Enough now!" he said, holding her gently by her shoulders.

Her self restraint was fast slipping away. "I can't betray my husband Pandit ji!" Unwittingly the confession tore itself out of her.

Pandit ji looked at her quizically. "What! What did you say?" he probed.

"I..." Urvashi looked all around her helplessly. "I..." she covered her face with her palm as the sobs finally tore out of her. A gut wrenching cry of pain, a plight that she had inflicted on herself.

Pandit ji stroked her head gently, his face showing lines of worry at her distress.  "Shant, calm down, here sit down," and he took her to the 2 seter sofa , where she sat down, her sobs slowing down.

He fetched her a glass of water and handed it over to her. She took the glass of water thankfully and drank it in quick gulps to drown her pain. She could not bear to look into his face.

Pandit ji sat down in a chair in front of her and watched her observantly.

"How is Vikram?" her reaction to his question was enough for Pandit ji to understand the trepedition, she seemed to be going through.

Fresh tears emerged from her eyes.he could her her curl her fingers, her nails digging into her palm. Pain to kill pain. He looked up at her face again. "Does he know?" asked Pandit ji watching her closely.

Urvashi was forced to look at Pandit ji at his question. "NO, and he can never know!" She shook her head at the impossibility of what was staring her in the eye. "Besides...this cannot happen. i will not let it happen..."

"Why?" the 3 letter word confounded Urvashi. "Why" was the question that had been haunting her. 

"Why did I persist with wanting an education, why was I not been satisfied with my village life, why did I go to US, why did I meet Tim, why did I fall in love with him? Why did it have to be Tim who was killed that day? Why did I come back to India? Why did I meet...him?" and the tears flowed all over again. She covered her face in apparent shame.

"What kind of a wife am I? What kind of a woman am I? How can I be ..." she could not get herself to even say it. "I am so ashamed ...." Fresh sobs broke through her.

"Tim is gone, he is dead!" Pandit ji stated with a finality, that struck her like a cold slap in the face.

She looked up at Pandit ji, her face blank, her eyes staring at him. "How dare you say that!" she hissed back at Pandit ji.

"You know I speak the truth. And it's a truth you need to hear! He is gone Urvashi. He is not coming back. And if he cares for, wherever he is , he will know how much you are suffering right now and to know he is the cause for your suffering, how do think it makes him feel?" asked Pandit ji, watching her closely.

"So then what! What are you saying I do? He... he... he tried to..." another sob tore through her. 

"Are you sure the man you have been with over the last 10 days, is the same man who tried to do that to you? asked Pandit ji unrelenting in his questions.

"STOP!" Urvashi covered her ears with both her hands. "Please! Stop. I can't do this. Please leave." She joined her hands into a namaste, her eyes staring at the ground.

Pandit ji watched her with concerned eyes. "Take some time off. I am sending you on a 3 month LOP. Uravshi! You are young. You have your hole life in front of you. And whatever has happened so far in your life, whatever happened with Tim, it was not in your control. The past is not coming back. You have to let go. And then you will see, that there is someone out there, who is willing to die, to prove himself worthy of you. If that's not worth reciprocating, you would not be human," Pandit ji stood up and walked out.

As tears flowed down from her eyes, Urvashi had not looked up from the ground.

The words Pandit ji had spoken had shaken her to the core. Digging her nails further into her palm, she had decided there was only one thing left to do. She should never have come back to India. This was all a big mistake. She would go back to the US. She would meet up with Tim parents and try and rebuild her life in the states, all over again.