Arohan - The Ascent

Hatred Vs Forgiveness

The next few hours, were a haze. She did what was required to be done, in the most mechanical fashion. A bus ticket to Lucknow, a train to Delhi, check-in at a budget hotel, and the rikshaw she took to come to the hospital, all of those, did not register in her mind.

But as Urvashi stepped out of the autorickshaw, and as she stood in front of the facade of the Army hospital, where Vikram was currently being treated, a strange sensation crept up in her heart. She had not seen Vikram, for a while now. The last time she met him, was when she sat him in front of that computer screen and asked him to do something with his life.

Little did she know then, that a couple of years down the line, Vikram would actually put to action, her words and his actions, instigated by her, would end up threatening his very life! Yet it was hard to forgive him, for what he had attempted to do to her. She would not be able to ever get over what he had done. How could she? What woman could forgive an act like that?

She was there purely to fulfill a duty as a fellow human and nothing else, she told herself.

Bracing herself, with her shoulders squared, Urvashi stepped into the hospital. It was exactly how Government runs hospitals looked, run-down, patients crammed for space everywhere. Patients waited on stretchers to be assigned wards. She walked straight to a counter, behind a glass panel, which said reception.

At the reception, she showed the letter she had received from the BSF and asked for directions, which were duly given by the saree-clad lady. Following the instructions, Urvashi proceeded towards the stairs, leaving the lift for the more in-need visitors.

She climbed 2 stories, to a calmer part of the. building. There were fewer people there, than downstairs and it seemed this ward was allocated for a different segment of patients. It was only when she turned in the room number, which she was told at reception, the patient was kept, she understood why!

This floor of the hospital was reserved for the wounded from the millinery. There were exactly 4 beds, she could tell. The room had been partitioned into 4 quarters, each quarter demarcated by a floor to ceiling curtain, that hung on rods . S notices the rest of the 3 beds were vacant for the time being. And the 4th bed, was framed by the flimsy, light teal curtain.

The whole room had a odor of floor cleaners, that one would usually smell in public toilets.

Urvashi walked slowly towards the curtain and slowly pulled it to a side.

He lay on the bed, with bruises to his face. She could tell his right hand was bandaged as it lay over his thin blanket. Only his left side was visible to her, from where she stood. She could tell, that his left side, still bore signs of swelling.

She walked closer to the bed and for the first time in years, took a good look at his full face.

If the left part of his face seemed swollen, his right side, bore marks of what he might've endured. All around his eye, there were clots of blood, the right side of his nose seemed to have been punctured. His jaw line had multiple deep cuts, as if he had been stamped on his face by spiked shoes.

His face though was eerily calm, as he slept, possibly under the dose of heavy painkillers.

Urvashi just stood over, her face in shock at what the man had endured. Her palms had balled into hard fists, on either sides, such tight fists, that her frame shook slightly as the pressure she exerted on her fists. 

Her brows began to cloud with a fierce rage as she looked at the form lying limp, in front of her. Her mind couldn't help but think of that night, when he had cornered her on the terrace. The hair at the nape of her neck, stood as the terror of that night siezed her again. She had stood at the edge of the school terrace, and he had began to stretch his hand to garb her. She could never forget the eyes and the way they roved all over her. Urvashi could not help the disgust she felt for him.

urvashi's insides began to tumble, as nausea washed over her. She couldn't stand him, even after all the time had passed. She immediately turned around and walked out of the room, panting to arrest the nausea that was threatening  to over power her.

As she stood by the narrow labby in front of the lift, waiting for the  occupant of the lift to open iron grill of the lift doors , two men in army fatigues stepped out of the lift. They were walking towards the room she had rushed out of. 

"It's so sad, he easily saved at least 5 lives. He just fell on then, the minutes they took out the barbed clubs. Poor guy, no one came from his family its seems. he has been lying unconscious since the last few days..." And their conversation became inaudible.

Urvashi's stomach churned with revulsion, for herself. She saw a sign board pointing to the toilets and ran blindly towards the end of the corridor and into the toilet. She retched as the bitter water was ejected from her empty stomach.

Once her stomach was empty, she leaned back into the wall, her head pressed into it, her eyes shut tight, as her head throbbed with unbearable pain.

She should never have come, yet here she was. It was as though she was being pulled apart by the past and the present. On the one hand, she hated him, from the core of her being, absolutely despised him. Yet, she also had to admit that she was responsible for his condition.

What was she to do. Shoudl she forgive him? Was that not the condition behind his redeeming himself? And was he not trying to redeem himself, even at the cost of his life? Yet how could she forget the violence he was capable of? Was it possible for a man to change himself so much?

Her mind swam with questions, to which she had no answers.

She heard the knock on the bathroom door, then. She quickly splashed some water onto her face and walked out. The last and the small child, looked at her angrily. "This is a public toilet, not your house," jibed the mother as she looked at her daughter, clutching her stomach.

Urvashi apologised and walked slowly back towards the lifts. She looked to her left, unable to make up her mind, if she should go into the room or not. Just then she saw a nurse walk into the room from the other side.

She ran towards the nurse. "Exceuse me," she stopped the nurse.

"Ji what is it?" asked the nurse tersly.

"The patient, is he ok?" asked Urvashi, sounding unsure of herself.

"Who are you please?" asked the nurse, with abored look on her face.

"I am.." she paused, searching for words.

"Oh ..ok.. He has lot of internal injuries, lost lot of blood also. We will see if he regains consciousness in 2 days.. it ok. Otherwise, you have to come and take him. We have only a few beds for Millitary and we need to keep them free," she stated.

Urvashi was confused. "But where do we take him, if he doesn't regain consciousness in 2 days? Where will you send him?" she asked concerned.

"We won't send him, you have to take him. You can take him to a private hospital. I don't know if it is covered. But for that you have to speak to his officers. Excuse me," and the nurse walked into the room and drew the curtains closed.

Urvashi, leaned against the hospital wall and looked all around helplessly as tears began to flow from eyes.