Arohan - The Ascent

Some More Letters

Her face had turned ashen. It was eerily quiet all around and she felt the weight of guilt pressing down on her chest, such that she could no longer breathe. How had things become like this, how did she end up back where it had all begun? Was Vicky out of his mind? Did he really expect to be taken back? Urvashi clenched her fists hard and shut her eyes closed. What would it take to dissuade him and make him understand that he needed to stop, she thought to herself.

The Army was serious work, for someone like Vicky, it could mean a death knell. The discipline and the commitment needed, were only possible if someone loved their motherland to an extent of madness or to someone so driven to make something out of their lives, that they didn't care how hard they needed to work. And Vicky was neither. it dawned on her then, slowly and gradually.

It may not even be true. He may have written this letter, full of lies, just to impress her. yeah, that's what probably he thought. He must've calculated that if he somehow, impresses upon her that on her command he had managed to join the army, then she might be so impressed with him that she would forget all the things he had done to her in the past.

The thought bought both a sense of comfort and a sense of relief. Comfort knowing that it was all nothing but lies and relief, knowing that he was not about to get in harm's way. She was worried for no reason, Urvashi rationalized.

But then a second letter arrived 3 months later. And Urvashi felt the ground slowly slipping away from under her feet. The letter was not a declaration of his undying love for her. That was just a footnote in that letter. What that letter was, was a proclamation of who Vicky was slowly becoming. It showed her, that he was willing to use the opportunity, a tragedy had presented and turn into an exemplary opportunity to serve the nation. 

Letter - 2

Dear Madam ji,

You did not reply. I don't know if my letters are even reaching you. But write I must, because every time I write to you, it gives me a sense of purpose. It propels me to try harder, not just for you, but for the sake of this newfound purpose.

I now think that everything that has happened so far in my life, is for a reason. And that reason is to attain great glory for our motherland. It's not an opportunity everyone has and it definitely is not for the faint at heart. But I can't wait, the blood in my veins flows with a renewed vigor, to accomplish even the most difficult task for my motherland. When I train, under the harshest conditions, in the most back-breaking terrain, the thought that one day, these exercises can mean the difference between survival and capture, drives me to train that much harder.

This body, this stamina, my everything, I will lay happily down, to always keep the flag of my country flying high.

But, at the back of my mind, I think of coming back to you, of standing in front of you, and ... Knowing that you are there, somewhere, makes me feel like I have a home to come back to. Even though you may not think so.

Love, always,

Vikram Singh

(BSF - Paratrooper)

This letter was further followed by another letter 3 months later.

Letter -3

Dear Madam Ji,

I wish I could see you once. With the amount of training I am going through, I sometimes don't know, when it was day and when it turned into night. I even question why I am doing all this. In my body, there are days, when I have no sensation of pain. I am in a daze like I am passing through a long tunnel, with no end in sight. I used to feel like this when I used to sit alone at night, when in jail.

I wish I could see you just once. It would all make sense somehow, why I choose to put myself through all this. I am so tired that I can't even remember your face. My mind, my mind just wants to switch off, whenever we have some moment of peace and quiet. I want to see you so bad, I would do anything to just have a glimpse of you.

But I can't stop now. I have come too far. I will pull through this. I swear I will. I just wish, somehow, I could just catch a glimpse of you.

Your's and only yours,

Vikram Singh

(BSF - Para....

And 6 months later, another letter followed.

Letter -4

Dear Madam Ji,

I have done it, I have done it last. I am so happy that I am actually crying. My hard work over the last 6 months, my sweat, and toil have been rewarded.

I will soon be deployed and I can't wait. I am sending you a picture of my badge. 

Right now, all I want to do is come to you and tell you about it all. I want to tell you about the grilling training sessions, how I ended up here, how it started, and I want to tell you all about this nearly 2-year journey. But, I have to go now. I have received my orders and I have to report to my base soon.

I am going to make you so proud, one way or the other.

I know you won't reply, I have come to expect that, after my previous few bitter disappointments. But I can't think of anyone else to write these letters to and share these feelings with. There is someone else I write to, but they are more like my guardians. 

Thank you for at least not telling me to stop. Thank you for keeping my hope alive. It's what keeps me going.

Yours Always,

Vikram Singh

(Para SF)