Arohan - The Ascent

Let It Sink In

 The birds chirped at early dawn, flapping their wings as they flew out to find food, and Vikram stirred from his deep sleep. It was around 4:30 am in the morning. He looked towards Urvashi, who slept a tranquil sleep. Vikram's brows knotted in worry as he saw her sleep in such peace.

He just lay there, watching her in admiration, love and something else. His fists clenched in a tense fury and tears begun to run down his left cheek as he lay watching her. What was he doing?

When he came to Bhadauliya, the only hope he had was to show madam ji, how she had transformed his life to what it had become today. He did not entertain any hope, even remotely of being offered the gift of love, that she had so willingly offered to him. He had imagined the situation very differently in his mind.

He had imagined that she would refuse to see him or talk to him and that he would simply let her see him in his full uniform, before he went away forever, never to see her again. That would have been a befitting punishment for what he had done. But little did he imagine, that she would not only see him, but would let him see how much she had waited for him. Never in his wildest imagination , could he have conjured that life would take a turn like this. 

Vikram woke up abruptly, stealthily and walked out of the hut. He made sure to close the door well before he stepped out, wearing the shirt and pant giving by Satnami ji. He walked around the make shift school and took the small mud path to the banks of the lake . 

In the beautiful early morning environs, he saw a few peacocks flying from tree to tree. A few squirrels, by now used to humans, fearlessly came down and picked some fallen nuts near his leg. Vikram looked towards the calm waters of the lake.

The lake seemed like a mirror , being held up by mother earth, where the sky saw his own reflection.The water was so still. Vikram walked up to the waters and stood watching his own reflection. As he looked at his reflection, the image seemed to morph into the day, he had chased madam ji to the under construction school building. He could see vividly, as though it was happening right at that moment, how he had cornered her.

He had told her, she had only one choice and that was to accept him. And he saw how, she preferred to end her life rather than have him defile her dignity. That woman, today, had opened her heart to him. To a scoundrel like him. Then, he had only tried to defile her body. But by accepting her love, was he not defiling even her soul? How could he even think that it was ok to want her so. And even if that godess of love, could forgive him, knowing what he had done and what he was doing in his present, how could he take that gift?

How could he live with himself? What kind of human was he?

Vikram coved his face with his palm, as desperation and self loathing stung at him. He rubbed his palm to his face, trying to push away the tears that fell from his eyes and sniffed hard to try and control his emotions. He looked down at the waters once again. 

This time, he saw how she had unbuttoned his shirt and had studied each and every one of his wounds. Then she had come close to him and tenderly and lovingly kissed each of his wounds. She had,  with her love, obliterated the pain and heartache he had been nursing, since the day he pushed her  to end her life.

Vikram, knelt down at the bed of the lake and picked some water in his palm. He splashed the cold water to his face, in an attempt to control the turmoil, in his heart. He spalshed generous amounts of water to his face, and when he hands literally started burning in the cold , he stood up. Briskly he climbed back up to the plateau, where the village and particularly, madam ji's hut was.

He and madam ji needed to talk. He needed to know. But could he afford to tell her? The questions swirled in his mind. Why was life playing this game of hide and seek with him? Why could not things be straight forward?

He drew in a deep breath, so that he could be composed when he spoke to her. Without losing a breath, Vikram climbed  the steep incline to the village effortlessly and had almost come to the edge of the makeshift school, when he stopped abruptly in his tracks.

From the window in the hut, he could see madam ji. She seemed to look towards a spot near the big tree. From where he stood, he could see a small, smile come over her face, as she looked towards the tree. He could only just stand there and watch the window, which seemed to frame her beautiful face, that glowed with someone unknown aura, as she smiled at something. 

Vikram was overwhelmed with emotions, that he had kept suppressed all these years. These long years, he had waited, for love and acceptance. Even a man as undeserving as him. He needed to know why? Why would she accept him?

He marched towards the hut, his fists clenched hard, his brows knotted, his breath rough and stormed into the hut. 

Urvashi, who was putting away the last of blankets, stood up and saw as Vikram stormed into the hut. He latched the door and rushed to her and held her by her arms. His eyes looked stormy, his breath rough, as though he was trying very hard to hold his emotions from bursting out.

He looked at her, his body stiff in tension, the vein at his temple throbbing violently , his jaw clenched hard. "Why?" he asked, his voice rough with emotions. "Why would you take me, why would you forgive a brute like me?" he asked violently, not realising that he held her so roughly, that it was hurting her.

He shook her again, "you know what I am capable of ! you know I am a brute! Then why would you take me? Why would you give me your love, when I...when I...." the tears came now, as Vikram panted hard to control then anyhow. How could he, the river had breached it's banks.He bit into his upper lip, struggling to find the words for the questions burning his heart. he looked at her manically.

Urvashi looked on, a worried look in her eyes. She had to find a way to medicate his pain. She reached out with her right hand and touched his left cheek gently. "because you now know, what you have done was wrong... I love you now, because you rose through your efforts to command my respect..."

She was crushed to him, as the dam finally broke. Vikram sobbed, as he held her close, almost crushing her into himself. He knelt down,and she knealt with him even as the emotions within him found a vent finally.

"I am sorry... I am so so sorry... for everything...I will never have redemption," he sobbed, sliding from her shoulder to her lap. Urvashi let him cry his pain out, as she sat gently stroking his hair, as he rested his head in her lap.

He recovered in a few minutes and sat up. His eyes tormy, with unspoken emotions, he looked into her eyes. She watched him with concern, her hand coming to wipe away his tears. He caught her hand to his face, taking in the warmth of her love. He wanted to tell her, right then, in that moment. 

But life is a stange baggage of surprises and failings. It beats you down to dumps and then, gives you a hand to raise you to unimaginable peaks. Whatever be the end to his life, was it fair to expect her to endure , what he had to , just for the impropriety of falling in love with him?

"My life," began Vikram, looking at Urvashi, trying to find words to tell her. "This journey you have set me on..." he said, looking away, as tears streamed down from his eyes. "It's going to test me in ways you cannot imagine..." he said, as he watched her look at him in concern. She looked worried, even a tad fearful.

"But, I have to surge ahead... I cannot look back..." he continued...

Urvashi looked at Vikram. He was not making any sense to her. Obviously something was bothering him and he was trying to tell her, that something was wrong. But he seemed to be struggling to explain what it was. "Is this something you have to do, in the line of your duty?" she asked him.

The tears raced down  as his face contorted in pain. Vikram brought her close and hugged her. There were no words fit for the enormity of their situation. Vikram knew it. "Say no more," he heard her say.

He pulled away from her and looked at her, his face troubled. 

Urvashi watched the pain in his face. "I don't need to know. Whatevet it takes, protect Bharath and come back to me safe," she said, coming back into his embrace.

To be Continued...