two days ago, i had my first actual kiss.
(new year's kisses shared with my best friend and the ones i really didn't want when i was five don't count)
today, i had my first actual date with my girlfriend.
in a few days, i will have dinner and eat delicious food with my family.
i am happy.
however, tonight, lying in bed, i feel myself losing happiness and exchanging it for guilt.
"how dare i be so happy when everything in the world is so awful!"
that feeling sucks.
i started story because i wanted to give the joy to people that i so lacked.
and now, i've been rambling about different things and getting overly emotional on the internet.
to quote linus van pelt in the revised version of You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown "...and i think a man's personal search for happiness is not a selfish thing because by finding happiness himself, he can help others to achieve it."
happiness is not selfish. and while there is much i would like to share tonight, i only want to make sure you hear this:
just because the world is shitty, and everything is awful does not mean you are wrong for feeling happy. you are not wrong for finding joy in little things.
(and maybe you don't need to hear that, but in case just a single one of you does, i'm saying it)
goodnight, strangers. goodnight, friends. goodnight, world.
